Saturday, January 26, 2008

The final Party


Good morning precious,

Several members of our community are going through some trying times right now. As I promised Tae, today I am posting some words from my new book Crazy Sexy Cancer Companion: Inspirations and Reflections for the Ride. Some of you are awaiting scan reports, others preparing for a passage. I have found extreme comfort in allowing myself to "go there" and play with the idea of what it would be like. This isn't morbid. It's sobering, liberating, comforting and freeing. Also, if we can "go THERE" then we can do anything HERE. Remember death is a comma, not a period.....

From the book:

"The terror of death is so powerful that most human beings will do anything to avoid even thinking about it. Unless we’ve flatlined, seen the light, and lived to tell the tale, most of us can only speculate about what the actual journey entails. For years the thought of death made me physically ill. A spooky, jinxing paranoia grabbed my mind before it could wander into the void. At the time, I believed that worry was praying for what I don’t want, and since I didn’t want to die, I refused to think about it. What if the worry could bring it on? Yikes, creepy, no thanks! Better to smoosh the heebie-jeebies than to play roulette.

However, anything that we hide grows in strength. If you refuse to allow yourself to taste extra-dark chocolate, the curiosity will one day get the best of you. Eventually, the temptation to explore the door in the floor became too great and I had to open my mind to the darkness. By allowing my imagination to drift and wonder, a very cool possibility floated to the surface of my frontal lobe. What if death is just like leaving a room? If you are willing to swim in this murky pond with me, read on; I promise the water isn’t too deep and that I have a life vest and a first-aid kit in my bikini.

Picture this. You are at a party with your family and friends, and you are all really happy, eating crackers, and enjoying one another’s company. You are laughing, hugging, and whooping it up. After a while you leave the room to go into another part of the house. Although you are no longer you with your friends and family physically, you can still hear them. Maybe you can even make out exactly what they are saying. No doubt Uncle Buddy is telling a great joke and Grandpa Harry is advising your sweet little sister to be careful.

You then open a different door to an area of the house even farther removed from the party. Now you can no longer hear your friends and family—but you know they are all still there, still in the house, still with you. Instead of hearing their laughter, you can now feel it. In fact, no matter where you go in the house, you feel their presence. You know that even though your physical relationship to them has changed, your energetic connection has not.

This last room is the universal God soup. The place where the saint tells us we’re home; welcome to the new party. Jesus hands us butterfly wings, Buddha offers a bowl of rice and peas, and Elvis gyrates in white socks and sequins, offending no one.

Your what-if visualizaton will probably be very different from mine. Perhaps religion or a spiritual practice has given you a comforting model of what to expect when your last breath is exhaled. If you feel secure enough to explore this space, I encourage you to do so. I promise that worrying is not praying for what you don’t want, and that the anxiety of the unknown can actually be more dangerous than a gentle fantasy.

I have no idea how the long dirt nap actually works, and to tell you the truth I don’t want to find out anytime soon! But this visualization really helps me in rocky times of fear and doubt. Remember, death is the end of the chapter, not the end of the book.

What helps you? Can you imagine death in a way that will give you peace rather than panic? If you can let go of the fear of death, what would your life look like? Picture it.

145 comments:

Kelli said...

Kris,

I absolutely love your vision of the party and leaving one room to enter another. My vision is similar but I hadn't thought of it as a party (I like the party much better!). When I enter the other room, I still see family and friends (and my childhood pets), just the ones that have already passed over. They are there waiting for me with the warm hugs and kisses that I have missed since their passing. This makes me smile thinking of seeing my mom and grandparents again in the "flesh". There is nothing more comforting for me since I miss their physical presence so much. Thank you for sharing your vision with us...

XOXO
Kelli

goony said...

Kris

I'm with you on this friend. I don't believe we just cease to exist, but move on to exist on another level. Maybe I have seen one too many John Edward Crossing Over shows, but it brings me great comfort to see people being reuinited with a loved one on the other side. I have loved and lost people in my life. My father, a lover, pets. I feel them with me sometimes. It is a feeling that I can not explain, I just know they are with me. Another reason I belive what I do is during my first of many surgeries, about 4 years ago, I went somewhere while I was under anesthesia. Before the operation, I was probably the most afraid I have ever been in my life. But something happened while I was out that I will never forget. I met Jesus. I can still see him as clear as day. We sat together and watched me being operated on. He comforted me and told me everything was going to be alright. When I woke up I told everyone that I met Jesus! They were like, yeah, OK hunny, you just get some rest. I was not a religeous person before the surgery, and wouldn't consider myself religeous now, but very spiritual. That day has brought me great comfort, but also an obsession with the other side. I think about it almost daily. My mother told me when I was a little girl that I would wake up and tell her about my night that I spent with the angels. Again, I wasn't brought up religeous, didn't attend church, but somehow I could wake up and tell her about my night with the angels. I know we are going to a very special place of peace and wisdom, and joy. I've just never been good at goodbyes.

Jennifer

joyfuljude said...

A very beautiful story Kris. Thank you so much. I can't WAIT til your next book comes out. I've read your first one 3 times *smile*

I was with my father when he passed away and right before he died, he looked up to right where the ceiling and wall of the room come together, and he said "Pop ?" Pop was his father and he said it as if it were a question. I believe his father was there to hold his hand and take him wherever he was going to take him.

Here is my vision of heaven/after this life. Each day when I say my prayers, I ask God to let me work in his front yard :-) when my time on this earth is done. I envision God's front yard to be beautiful rolling green hills, trees, streams, flowers, and pets. All our dear pets that have gone before us. I hope I get to work in the flower gardens and play with all the pets.

Laura said...

Hello,
Buddha said "die before you die" this will bring you to a place of awakening.
I am trying to do that.
When I go into the other room I see all the loved ones that have passed before me, this gives me some comfort.
No one gets out alive, we are born to die, it is just all this living we need to do before we go.
Life certainly is challenging these days, there are a lot of us in the same boat.
This is the first time visiting this blog or any blog. Im stepping out of my box. This is whats on my bucket list. Im not going for the big jump out of a perfectly good airplane, I love doing all these small things I've never done, remember it is the little things in life that count.
My very best to all of you.
Love Laura

clint said...

Kris,

A beautiful insight, thanks so much for sharing that with us.

Like your title sais, "Why, when we are challenged to Survive, do we give ourselves permission to truly lIve" ? . . . . . I guess it really is about not letting Fear rule your heart and mind anymore.

I have found though, that there seems to be a backside to all this, and was curious Kris if you've experienced the same....... and that is that no one talks about the isolation that happens (or seems to happen) when you DO face your fear of death, and have 'kissed the Dragon on the nose'.

It seems that less people can relate to you (or visa versa)... and there is a feeling of isolation, and distance from the people around you (at least there was for me when my experience happened)

It's almost as if your vibrating at a different level, and can't connect as easily with the people you were around, now that you have crossed the veil, and are now traveling the 'Road Less Traveled'

Fear is a funny thing, and I am often reminded of that great line from the movie 'Shawshank Redemption', where Tim Robbins is fed up with dealing with his fear(s), and sais, " Get busy LIVING.... or get busy Dying". It is so true.

Sad that a disease, a car accident, or a death of a friend, etc ... is what it takes a human being to 'awaken' into his or her life . . . cause there is no going back to "sleep" after that . . . . one can dose ;-) . . . but the Awakening is permanent.

Clint

Michael said...

Kris,
I'm not ill or fighting any serious physical battles, although I have lost friends and family members to CanSer. Why do I read your blog all the time and await for the release of your documentary (for purchase)? Comments and insights like this....please don't stop sharing....reading this blog in many ways is like meeting someone interesting at a party....a good conversation usually involves someone bringing some interesting views to the conversation....you've done that once again...thank you

Michael

Obsessedwithlife said...

Beautiful piece! Most of the time, I am pretty at peace with death-I guess because I try to do what I can in the moment and I think of the people that have touched me (and hopefully I have done a little of the same). I've almost died so many times that I guess I had to 'make friends' with it!

Robert said...

I must recommend "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche.
To be honest I have yet to finish it, just recently received it as a gift and I find it extremely insightful. I think it transcends religions and (with a focus on Buddhism) discusses death and its union with living.

strongerthanit said...

Kris - Interesting; thank you for opening up the conversation about death. So many of us have had to face this head-on. Clint's comments about isolation strikes a chord - often times when faced with transitions - any transition which causes discomfort (mostly resulting from "the unknown", ie: disabling illnesses, moving, starting a new job/college/marriage....anything), we place ourselves in a defensive, AKA: survival, mode. I have personally found myself in the position - often times subconsciously - becoming estranged, or worse, alienating those near and dear to me in the face of feeling poorly or receiving bad news. It became evident that to plan and prepare for my death, to be able to say goodbye, and to keep people around us abreast of our progress (or lack thereof)is OK. And transitions are difficult for them, as well. When we retreat into a dark hole - which is so easy when sick and facing poor prognosis - that we become truly isolated. I try to remember each day that there are people who still need me and want me around - my 4 sons, my husband, my family, friends, and co-workers. Laura said it quite well - we need to remember no one gets out of this alive, we are born to die! It's just a matter of perspective, I supppose. Many thanks for everyone's thought compelling dialogue. M

Tae said...

Oh my beloved Kris,

Your words (as usual) came with perfect timing and energy. The hubby and I had just returned from planning Dave's funeral. What a mind fuck. Planning your good bye of someone who is still sitting in the next room.

I came home and went straight to this blog for some comfort. And comfort is what I found. The idea of death, as you painted it, moved me and hubby to tears. I actually imagined Dave walking away into those rooms and gyrating with Elvis in his Red Sox hat.

Would you be open to letting us read it as his funeral and (of course) sharing it with Dave if he feels so prepared to hear it? As we all know, funerals are merely for those left behind, and I feel so many people would find comfort in your words.


love, tear and warm fuzzies,
Tae

sue said...

Kris, I had an out of body experience 12 years ago when I was very ill and was in a deep coma. I can tell you that I never felt such peace in my life!!! It is so hard to describe, I have never felt like this!! My 3 boys were there-standing at the end of my bed so upset and crying- and if you knew me you would know that I never want to leave them...not ever--they are my life--I love then soooo much-- BUT, when I felt that overpowering, wonderful, indescribable feeling of comfort and peace flow through me ... I wanted to 'stay there'....'stay there'!! It was incredible! I will never be afraid of dying now...never!

debbiedoesraw said...

hi all
Ok, I had to visit twice today to get the guts to post...this is a tough one for me.
I will share this that the hospice literature contained, abbreviated.
Death is like this: people are standing on the shore, watching a ship leave and dip over the horizon, out of their sight.. they are saying "There she goes!" . On another shore, another group is watching the same ship appear on their horizon and the shout that goes up is "Here she comes!". ( the second shore being the great beyond...) That is dying,in a sailing ship metaphor nutshell.

I find that is be some comfort, much like Kriss and the house party scenario.
All good wishes and special love to Tae and family
deb

Basic Me said...

Kris,
This article is more than timely for me. I have been in the hospital having one scan after the other and some very serious checks. I have several things to say so hold on it will not be a bumpy ride!!!

First.. I have to thank you. I have taken your book with me everywhere given it to everyone and I know it by heart every picture and phrase. That being said you were my inspiration. I have never listened to much music or owned an ipod.. but this week I sent Duncan out for a list of special items.. An ipod (loaded and ready to go, he made me a hopsital gown and trousers that made me feel like queen. And for once I was a participant in my care and not a bystander. I was packing heat. kris csc 007 heat.. Duncan is my posse in person. The rest are not what I need when sick though I love them but you all everyone of you were on my jum mala..108 mantras and one to thank my teacher and guru Kris the 109th bead will always be for you love. So I made it.. and I learned something about this 42 year old sexy cancer chick.

I have grown up spiritually. I have found peace. I have learned that no matter what those scans say wednesday I am healed today and will be healed wednesday. If there are little hateful cells dancing around in my bod like those little nasties on the mucinex commercial then I am blowing my metaphycial nose and out they go. On the other side of that.. I would never wish cancer on anyone but... I would not have found the depth of my soul without it........my soul is endless. My lovely husband says that living in the divine that is God is like bathing in the most wonderful bath on earth where you are wrapped in love and warm and at peace and can donate that peace. That kind of peace comes from a lack of fear. Fear stops the growth of peace and the measuring tape gets all tangled when trying to measure the depths of your soul.

Bead #109 kris carr.. Bead added bright orange and pink. #110.. not offical but CSC family bead . Thank you all.

Now I have a story to relate and it may bring peace it may not. It never brought me peace until I found my center... faced that I am not my body.. that I can feel presence.. and loved ones here but not..

In 2005 right in the middle one of my crisis' Duncan died. 3 minutes.. I was sick.. very.. and Duncan looked at me and said get me to the er now.. I did.. Before the Dr. could see him the nurses had put a monitor on him to monitor his blood pressure and heart leads to monitor his heart and morphine. Well his heart stopped while the nurse yelled code blue and everyone went running for gadgets and things. I was left. He has directive to not be alone and they know us so I was calm. I stood up and just couldn't belive that he had died his color was changing and time stood still SOOOOO what did calm Callie do.. to her husband of 23 years.. I punched him. Right in the chest and hard.. Dont ask me why and the monitor went bee doop.. and then the nurse ran in and they shocked him with the defibulator. Now all this took 120 seconds.. they were interminably long and why did I sock him I will never know but I whispered you come back.. And he did..

Now Duncan tells me that he left himself. And saw me standing pissed off and scared my usual reaction when I cannot control things and his spirit laughed knowing me so well and then was saddend but had to go.. and then he left.. he passed into a conciousness that to this day he knows.. he said to say that to know is different than beliving and wanted to make that clear before this got started and since it is his story and not mine I should let him make his clarifacation. He said to believe is to know doubt and to have faith his to know lack of faith. TO know is to be clear. I know my dog is sitting next to me and I am in my home. I know I am wearing a ring that holds so much love in it that it vibrates with the words grow old with me the best is yet to be.. inside it. I know.. to know is truth and cannnot be taught or learned it is when a humanity identifies a truth. SO he knew he was within the Divine and the love and lack of pain was so amazing there was no description of the contentment and all the knowing that exists was there...and you were in that vibration and knew it all .. he knew I was crying and socked him.. he knew the dr.. said he wont be ok this time.. and he asked the universe.. He said in his soul.. he said.. I need to stay beyond the pain and the love of my family.. they will be fine.. but my work in loving is not done.. my work in healing is not done.. so.. I want to return to you, oh divine God later after I have finished and the Divine resonated as you wish..

BeeDoop.. BeeDoop and he was back.

I cannot speak of what comes next.. I can only speak of what is now. But I know that I saw peace and a painfree movement when Duncan moved thru his door. I will forever know that it was not his request to come back or my desire that had him return and not my considerable left hook. It was his lifes work. His soul touching. His journey that was not finished. I have thought so often about my own life throughout having cancer and knowing that I would leave someone so ill and who needs care 24/7 but I know now that GOD will provide that for Duncan if I cannot. Just as I know what happened but did not experience it...I know God is in the the divine knowing! I have witnessed lazurus rising from the dead and have lived with a prophet that is beyond my understanding. I can say I have been blessed in facing the fears of death for myself and Dunc. In that moment I learned to know.. Discovering that each moment is so precious and can be a lifetime.. has made me want each moment! Each indivdual moment. When that moment means I have no brightly painted toenails and hands to type I want those moments to. I want my time passing thru the door and then what happens I want those adventures too.. My soul and yours are limit less.. I want them all and all will be right and I will know that.

I hope this makes sense..
My bucket list.. since I was in hospital and Duncan took my crackberry and computer away..haha

1. I want to love with all of me. Not hold back. Each person and each moment.

2. I will speak and carry Basic Missions on to be a worldwide movement of one hand reaching for the next and sharing the healing in all areas of life.

3. I will travel and see the world.

4. I will meet my hero list.

5. study at an ashram

6. know my father and mother and sister as well as possible before this journey ends

7. write a book

8. work with Urban Zen and get our patients into a healing system that works

9. See Duncan pain free

10. Now that I have left fear at the curb live fully and bring the best of the universe to my door and give it all away with joy.

11. Continue to be a student.. and write..but first learn to spell. ha


Thank you all for this minute.. I love you all.

Callie

Basic Me said...

clint I understand the isolation. you have become a teacher.. find other teachers and feed each other.. we all need that. you are vibrating differently.. the soul have taken over.. you are tranceding into eden.. we were never meant to be fear bound. I get it.. you are not alone.

Love you. Callie

RachelRae said...

Hello everyone! Just wanted to once again extend the invitation to join my CSC discussion group on Yahoo! simply go to yahoo.com & do a search in their groups section for Crazy sexy cancer & you'll find it. Otherwise, you can feel free to email me personally & ask for an invite at drracher@yahoo.com
Thanks, Rach

Lauren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura said...

Hi everyone,
This is Laura, the original one from the blog, but I noticed there was a different Laura who posted so I thought I would change my name to not get us confused. I will stay "lyb"

Kris, what a great perspective. Naturally, facing canser I have thought a lot about death. At times I have been quite frightened of it and other times I have had remarkable peace. I am most saddened for those left behind and the hurt they would feel, rather than the place I would go......I did have a what felt like a near-experience after one of my surgeries and was internally bleeding quite dangerously.....that was frightening and real. My grandfather died about 12 years ago. He was the most remarkable person I ever knew, I don't think anyone could measure up to him in my eyes. I still look to him for advice and energy. I still feel him and I still miss him tremendously. The idea that he could be a few rooms away is quite comforting. Thank you for sharing your insights. It is refreshing and I am sure helpful and comforting to those here that need a little extra right now.

....did you say you grew up in Pawling? I was there for an art show last night....cute town!

...I noticed your post to someone who left an inappropriate post on the blog. I did not see the post you were referring to, but thank you for keeping this blog protected and safe. It is much appreciated!

LYB said...

Hi everyone,
This is Laura, the original one from the blog, but I noticed there was a different Laura who posted so I thought I would change my name to not get us confused. I will stay "lyb"

Kris, what a great perspective. Naturally, facing canser I have thought a lot about death. At times I have been quite frightened of it and other times I have had remarkable peace. I am most saddened for those left behind and the hurt they would feel, rather than the place I would go......I did have a what felt like a near-experience after one of my surgeries and was internally bleeding quite dangerously.....that was frightening and real. My grandfather died about 12 years ago. He was the most remarkable person I ever knew, I don't think anyone could measure up to him in my eyes. I still look to him for advice and energy. I still feel him and I still miss him tremendously. The idea that he could be a few rooms away is quite comforting. Thank you for sharing your insights. It is refreshing and I am sure helpful and comforting to those here that need a little extra right now.

....did you say you grew up in Pawling? I was there for an art show last night....cute town!

...I noticed your post to someone who left an inappropriate post on the blog. I did not see the post you were referring to, but thank you for keeping this blog protected and safe. It is much appreciated!

Basic Me said...

Tae- We are breathing with you and for you. I cannot say I know how hard this is. My best friend lost her husband five years ago. And I cannot tell you the pain I witnessed. I do know that all I can think of is that we are in your breath. Everyone. praying and loving you. Callie

Tae said...

Callie,

Thank you. Right now, having someone remembering to breath for me is all I need to keep going.

I love you all for your open hearts and minds.

Tae

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Tae: Honey you made me well up too. Of course, you can use and share anything you like. Feel free to change, slash and burn, and make it your own. I am so proud of you. It takes a mighty women to deal with what you are going through with such love, grace and honesty. We are all learning from your example.

Callie: I have your name written on a little post-it note with a little bird on it above my desk at eye level. We will all be moving through that cat scan bed with you love. Remember, no matter what the outcome, you are healing. Takes time, seasons, hard work and faith. You are up to the task and well on your way dear one.

Clint: I agree with Callie, you are a teacher now and teachers need to socialize with other like minded faculty members. When I read your post an audible Mmmm snuck out of my lips. Mmmmm. I have been there and know exactly what you mean. Lost a bunch o' friends since this experience. Lots of pain and suffering. But when one door closes others do open. The friends I surround myself with now are so solid. I dont have many, but I do have quality. I also have amazing collegues who stimulate, inspire and encourage me to grow and blaze a trail. Social life changes because it gets really real.
Reality. A lot of folks can't digest it, that's why they numb out. But I get it because I/we have been there. It's easier, yet infinitely more painful and empty. Keep going teach.

Michael and Robert: Thanks for joining Clint! So great to see more men participating in our discussions. :)

etklisa said...

Guts guts and more guts. that is how i describe your recent writings. Kris, you take us places no doctor ever will .... and they should.

Well, I'm up early to hit the malls!! Nothing fits anymore from the juicing.

MHC said...

Hi Kris,
This is so ap pro pro. Saturday morning I wake up and decided what is my destiny. I'm looking at all the waiting to find out to find out one way or another. My mind takes me to my furneral. It was a short ride to the thought but I spent the morning dwelling on it in a loving way. I thought I am going to design my final party. That way I will know it will be done right. So I take hubby on a morning date. We are eating a romantic Colombian breakfest. Topped with Colmbian figs and Colmbian cheese for a naughty dessert. A little piece of heaven in my mouth. So I tell him my plan. Music like "Can't get everything you want", "Can't get no satisfaction" or the best "Yellow Road from Texas" all the way to "Hey baby que paso". In stead of being shocked the poor guy is so relieved to not having to make "Party" arrangements.

Needless to say I want to be cremated and save the money for the living. No big, expensive casket for me, I just hate that. What a waste of money and material.

I told my husband take the girls to Germany instead...alway wanted to go. But I have been to sick to travel far from a doctor.

So my best trip will have to be heaven.

My idea of Heaven: A living forrest with everything lush, no humidity or sweating for me. I will be able to take a walk up a hike up a hill without my legs giving out. Like they do now. And on the other side of the hill will be a lake and my Dad and Cousin Stevie will be there to welcome me with big hugs I don't get from them anymore. And we will be going fishing w/o worms and get fish. And Grandma Amparo will be there with a bowl of Ice Cream for me and a big Grandma kiss on the check. Now that is heaven. A transition from one life to another life. I think heave is in a different demension.

goony said...

Good Morning Friends.

Sue - I shared my out of body experience during my first surgery, but what I didn't say, because I didn't want everyone to think I'm crazy, is that I too wanted to stay there forever. I'm a mother of 2 and my biggest fear is of us being sepereated forever. But for some time after that surgery I longed to go back. I felt a love and peace that I have never felt before and I just wanted to swim in it forever. It is strange to me that we both experienced this out of body phenomina, but neither of us died.

CALLIE!!!!! I missed you and have been thinking about you like crazy. You spoke of Clint vibrating differently, and being a teacher, and I couldn't agree more. I feel the same way about you. You guys and others here are my teachers and I have never felt so comforted in my entire life. Kris mentioned not having many friends. As she says, "Does it tire you, or inspire you". When I learned of my disease and started to move through it I decided I had to change my life and that required getting rid of all my friends. I was not living a healthy life. I have been so alone and isolated for the past 5 years because I just never found anyone to relate to. No one I came in contact with inspired me. I have prayed to find people in my life that know what life is really about and I have truely found it here. I don't feel so alone anymore. I know every morning I can come here and find my friends. You made me laugh today. Your story of punching Duncan was sad and funny at the same time. He is lucky to have you.

Tae - Gosh I wish I had some really kick ass inpirational words for you. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling and how difficult it must be for you right now. Please just know we are here and thinking about you and sending massive supportive vibes your way.

Jennifer

Michelle J said...

Hi everybody, i'd like to share this poem with you all...

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a 1,000 winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.
Mary Frye (attributed)

The poem was read by my 9 year old neice at my 95 year old grandmothers funeral and it really touched me...maybe this will touch some of you too!
Michelle

LYB said...

I didn't want to say this before, but after re-reading so many posts and hearing people's story I felt I could elaborate more. I don't share this story too often, in fact I have only shared it with my husband, sisters and mom and dad. After my most recent surgery (mastectomy surgery about 8 months) I had a massive bleeding complication. Before being rushed back to the OR for another surgery I totally passed out. Before passing out I remember a very loud tornado rush through my head. Then I called out for my sister and then I passed out. Next thing I knew I was lying peacefully in darkness....and it was dark, but it truly was peaceful. Then I remember swimming up from the darkness, climbing out trying to get to my husband and children. It was a struggle trying to get out of the darkness but I do remember making a decision that I wasn't ready to be part from them. My children are so little and my husband and family are so full of love that it wasn't my time. I knew it wasn't, but it felt for a moment that it could have been. I have never experienced anything like that before and although since my diagnosis I have given death a lot of thought, it was very out-of-body to have had that experience. It really makes you think about that room down the hall.

Dr.Sue said...

Between Callie's post & Michelle's poem, which I've heard before, for the first time since I've been reading here, tears are pouring down my face.
Callie, you are so wonderful & a great storyteller, even if you don't spell perfectly!
Something I haven't been able to do is think about my parents funerals. They are both almost 91. My brother & sister are 20 & 15 years older than me & I think because I was born so much later to them, I'm closer than my other siblings are to my parents & have always been involved closely in their lives. They divorced very late in their lives which was harder on me than either one of them. They both have told me in the past that they know when they die they're going to heaven, so that's really all I needed to hear. Eternity is forever & ever. I cannot wrap my mind around it. Life here on Earth is but a vapor. I know the older I get, the faster it goes by!
Love to all, Sue

Anne said...

I thought this death blog would depress me, or scare me, so I've read through it all very very fast, I guess hoping not to be touched. But something about catching up on the messages this morning got my attention, I slowed down and realized that there are some beautiful messages here. Thank you all for sharing.

I'm not sure what it's all going to mean to me, but I do know that I am changed by what I've read here this morning.

--Anne

MHC said...

Clint-it is that isolation that made me find a cancer book full of life, thanks to Kris I have that. My next step was to find a village of people who could help me through the transistion of "I going to die" to "Hey cancer is more of a chronic disease these days." I have have seen that dragon and he is not cute. I think the isolation is due to me seeing color deeper, hearing sharper than before. Knowing time is shorter than I origanally thought. Not in a morbid way but in a truly more life way. This type of thinking is lost to those who "have a lot of time". Thanks Clint for the comment.

clint said...

Kris-

Thanks for responding . . . and yes, I agree, I've know that I've been a teacher for sometime now . . . and, in that, there is more of a responsibility isn't there. "We teach best, what we need to learn the most!" . . . is my Mantra

With the work I do (went from a gourmet macrobiotic chef to a trial consultant) I work with attorney's in the courtroom . . . . it's hard to surround one's self with the "like minded" when working with Narcissistic/Mensa types . . . if you get my drift.

It's probably safe to say that getting "Source" is of the utmost importance when trying to recover form a health crisis. This blog is of incredible "Source" for many, and I look at most of the people in this blog as 'Old Souls' (yes you Kris, Callie ;-) . . . and it's nice to be able to log on and connect with you all.

Appreciate your insight(s) Kris, thanks !


Callie-

Your story is nothing short of INCREDIBLE. . . my God girl ! Your are a Xena 'Spiritual Warrior' Princess. Are you writing a book yet ?

Really though, thanks for you loving words and encouragement.

Tae-

Am doing a of breathing for you... hang in there sweetie.

Big Hugs,

Clint

mg said...

Kris,

I love the party visualization. Death is something that has terrified me and occupied my thoughts for the past few years. How I dealt with that fear also dealt with visualization a party. The difference is that I imagine that I'm stepping into a dinner party. The loved ones that have passed before me are there...each cooking their specialty item. My great grandmother would of course, be cooking divinity. The moment I step into the door there is a big cheer from everyone there and hugs and kisses. I always imagined that I would be baking apple pie, and ready to meet the next loved one who walked through the front door. This idea gave me some peace in times of darkness and fear.

:)
Morgan

Laura said...

Hello again,
First of all this is my 2nt post EVER any where and like I said I’m out of my box right now. I’m shaking…………..
My name is Laura and I apologize to LYB our names are the same and now she is LYB.
My story is long and I’m not much into typing so I’ll do my best to make this short and coherent.
I am here today because I read your book Kris and it has been the ONLY thing to give me hope. I’m a 61 year old grandma that had 1/3 of my left lung removed because of tumors, adenocarcinoma. I had surgery in May 2007 but did not do anything else, mainly because my only option was chemo. I know I won’t survive that, and so because I do not have insurance I really have no options for alternative help, my husband is disable and he is on ssd, I have applied for my ssi but have been turned down, I have no DR other than a chemo Dr who said she can not help me with anything other than the chemo she suggests. Well anyway aside from all that crap your book has been the only thing that has given me hope I can beat this shit. I am kind of winging it on my own here.
Everything I am learning is so overwhelming, PH balance, what to eat that is alkaline, I am really at a loss in how many ways can you fix leafy green veggies without getting really tired of the same old thing, I could use some good ideas on recipes.
Well anyway dear one THANK YOU!!. I thank you for this blog.
I feel like I have found someone to talk to who can relate to ALL of the emotions, thoughts, feelings everything. Thank you everyone who post. I feel like spilling my guts because this journey has been such an alone trip. Even tho I have my loving family around, everyone walks this journey alone from within. It is like facing the dragon, a fucking fire breathing people eating dragon. I have never thought of my self first, and this journey is all about me now and what I need to do to survive this if I can. So this blog and your book have helped me to be not so scared, I am trying to be brave!
Thank you so much for being there and thank you for letting me join in.
My very best to all of you, Laura

kate said...

I heard one teacher say
"Death is like taking off a tight shoe"
Huge amounts of love to all you beautiful heartful courageous people
xxkate

joyfuljude said...

Laura, I was going to tell Clint that "I" wast the oldest one here :-) but you have me beat. Bless your heart and you are in my prayers. I don't have the same health insurance I had when I had cancer so I'm in deep doo doo if it comes back. Hopefully there will be healthcare for ALL people -SOON!

Morgan, I LOVE the story about coming into a room and your relatives that have gone before you are all cooking wonderful foods. I bet we won't even have to juice everyday when we get to wherever we go from here :-)

I remember the day (as I'm sure you all do) when I was diagnosed with canSer. I walked out of the doctor's office, looked up to the sky and said "Lord, what did I do to piss you off?" Well, now I know that there were great and wonderful things in store for me; things like meeting each of you. I'm so thankful.

I hold each of you close to my heart and keep you all in my prayers.

jj

scnewme said...

I have spent so much of the past year in a battle to kick canser ass that I couldn't allow my mind to even dare imagine what might be if I didn't. After reading this post, you all make me want to at least try to make peace with the fear.

Kris, I am so in awe of you, Callie, Clint and so many others here who can speak so eloquently and teach me so much with your powerful words!! Coming here makes my lonely road seem more like rush-hour traffic and there is no way for me to say just how much that means.

My heart aches for you and your family Tae, I do know how difficult it is to lose a loved one, especially before it is time, but may you find comfort in the love and support that surrounds you.

Callie, I'll be holding your hand and sending you love...but you already know that!

Thank you everyone for sharing...I look forward to someday meeting all of you in about 40 years at our final party.

xoxoxo Sherry

clint said...

Hi MHC:

I agree, it IS lost to people who are distracted with lots of time and medicating themselves with the many things that we do day-to-day to stop the mind-chatter.

It does take a loud 'knock at the door' for for people to awaken doesn't it ? Mine was severe ulcerative colitis ...... others, it might be cancer, a car accident.... etc.

People make plans, and God just laughs .... so true.

One of my goals now (and has been for 15 years) is to learn a more effective way of how to support friends in need, and how to communicate, and leave my own expectations and baggage at the door.

Opening your Heart and 'Being' there means everything.

Hope you 'French Kiss' that Dragon and leave it's knees a wobbling MHC ! ! !

sincerely,

Clint

Tae said...

All my beloved,

I love everyones visions of "after." I'm also calmed by the reflections of those who have tasted the other side. I feel confident that Dave will find much more peace in his next home then he found during his life. You all have helped to ease the worry and sadness.

Mortality is a hard, sharp little pill to swallow as part of our existence. However, once you make peace with it, you will not have the fear of the inevitable hanging over you.

I also took everyones advice and took care of me tonight. Its amazing what a hot bath, some dancing and singing into a hairbrush and juicing with do for the spirit.


much love, warm bathes and bad, bad, Madonna lip-syncing to all!

Tae

Tae said...

Callie,

Your inner beauty radiates through your words. I will be breathing FOR YOU on Wednesday and praying that all the light that is inside of you is enough to blind and kill all the nasty cancer cells.

Tae

Basic Me said...

Hey Guys,
Thanks for the kind words and prayers. I will be very ready to be home and done with this antiseptic box .. why are hospitals so cold? Duncan Eric has taken my crackberry (he loves that) and my lap top and I am trying to tap tap on this little cell of his. Rest he says.. you are well.. time to reflect and be ready for the ride of your life. This check-up will empower you to leave the fear behind. Take a minute an get your samauri nature honed. Well.. hell.. how can you argue with brown eyes with long lashes blinking at you and still. He did however let me visit all the folks on my floor.. sharing and praying and loving and I snuck the list of folks from church who are here and have visited them. Why not.. can you say room party.. haha.. well I will be ready for the testing to be over. I am keeping all of you in my heart.

Clint.. I am praying the universe will send other teacher your way so your life will be more rounded. Until then check in here as often as possible. You are a tree of knowledge.

Tae- I am so glad you took a bit of time for yourself and have rested and relaxed a little. I pray for you and your dear husband peace. I know this is a long goodbye and painful peace is the best you can ask for. Ad I hope he and his brothers say it all.. dont miss the i love yous and meet you soons. Those words will be miracles later. I felt the breathing today and shared it....I took and gave many breaths today for you and dave and your bil and bav... thank you I will keep this page forever.

Kris my teacher. You are so kind. keep my name on that bird I am focusing on those feathers if you see them ruffle it is me.. laughing with joy. Wednesday is not so far away. Thank you all.

Bav.. I am praying for you.. and everyone. Deb.. feel better I need you your my recipe warrior woman. SJ are you home yet? I hope your trip went well and you and hubby had a happy Sunday.

OK.. I am going to wake Duncan up from his nap and we are having our fresh salads and some secret berry treat.. of decandence... tonight..

Loving you all so much my soul it at peace. It is a wonderful feeling. Basic Missions may need to decorate some hospital rooms.. yuk.. I am going to hand some african material on all the walls tomorrow my grandmother brought me... color.. can't live without it.

Peace everyone..remember the divine lives within not outside us. If we close our eyes we are all together.

Callie

clint said...

Thanks Callie....

I will be like Caine, and I will now go Walk the earth . . .

Sat Nam

MHC said...

Clint-Yup! I will.

My health problems started 10years ago. Misadianosed with Asthma-really it was heart failure.

Also pulmonary hypertension. They said "5 Years", Now the 10cm tumor. Then chemo if needed they said "20% chance of survival with ovarian" yeah right heard stats like that one before.




My only real concern chemo may induce a worse form of heart failure.

I am thinking of juicing and diet next. From scratch. Don't know a thing about good for me food.

goony said...

Callie my friend,

I'm so sorry you have to stay in the hospital. I knew you were going for scans, but I didn't know you had to stay there. I wish I could be there with you. I bet you are really livening things up there! I hope you get lots of rest and don't do any worrying because I just know your scan will be fine! I'm praying for you. Waves of support and healing vibes coming your way........Tidlewaves!!!

Jennifer

braintumorsurvivor said...

Okay. So now I've got to post my view of the next big adventure.

In my spiritual path, we're taught this: In our mother's womb we were developing our physical arms and legs for use in this world. They didn't make any sense in the womb, really. We didn't really need them. But now they are essential to us.

In this world, our task is to develop our spiritual arms and legs for use in the next world.

So thanks to all of you for helping me learn to spiritually hold hands, support each other and take a contemplative walk together.

Great post Kris. When I was first diagnosed, my hubster and I consulted with a friend of ours about death, funerals, all that scary stuff. She put several books I requested about death in a gift bag for me, tying the handles together in a knot. She told me she absolutely didn't want my 9-yr-old to see them, as he was already scared witless for his mommy.

Those books sat in my bedroom, untouched for months and months. Finally, without even loosening the knot, I returned them to my friend. Denial. Most possibly. But it felt so good to just let it go -- the fear.

Love to each of you. And I want to second the motion of Health Care for ALL OF US. And SOON!

MHC said...

I have processed the idea of leaving. Now my job is to help those around, those who love me to process death the Little d. So they will be able to say good-bye, I love you and I am o.k. One more thing on my to do list.

Mari said...

That is the absolutely best visualization of "death" that I ahve ever read and realted to. And I've read a lot of'em.
Thank You So Much.

xo
Mari

Martha said...

Hi Kris:

Two things to add. The first is the song by Mary Chapin Carpenter called In My Heaven. It's wonderful. A few years ago I was visiting a friend of mine who was at the threshold (but not so sick he couldn't later squeeze in one more scuba diving trip to Montserrat and meet the 5th Beatle). After having spent a week on Cape Cod, we were driving back to his home in Longmeadow MA and passing the precious time by sharing what we had on our respective Ipods, passing the connection to his truck speakers back and forth. After giving it some thought I played In My Heaven for him. He loved it, so I ordered the CD for him. I couldn't go to his funeral (I heard that the final song in the service was the B-52s Deadbeat Club), but his family sent me what must have been something like a "party favor" anyway. He had arranged to have passed out copies of a compilation cd he burned that contained all the other songs that gave him comfort and saw him through. "In My Heaven" was among them. He named the compilation CODA. And even though it's been a few years since he has moved on to his new adventure (he was an adventure journalist by profession), I haven't had the nerve to listen to the CD. But I have his picture and obit on my fridge as a way to remind myself to love every single moment of life. Even the pissy parts.

Listen to In My Heaven for a full description of what's in store for us all!

Also, watch the movie A Man Called Peter. It's a classic true story about Peter Marshall, the Congressional Chaplain. In it he gives an inspired sermon (the real sermon) to the plebes at Annapolis. He says that we all know as children what it's like to fall asleep in the livingroom, to be carried by our fathers safely into our bedrooms and to wake up the next morning safe in our own beds. Marshall says that that's what death is like. Works for me.

MHC said...

I am a little guirky. My fav movie on death is "The End" with Burt Reynolds. When need i think about death and need a hearty laugh. When i need a good cry and the tears don't come I watch "Penny Seranade". but that's me.

Sandra Joseph said...

Sweet Callie, thank you for checking on me. Yes, hubs and I are home in the Jers. It's wonderful to be sleeping in my own bed and juicing in my own kitchen. YOU, however, need to get your butt out of that hospital and back into YOUR home. Although, I'm certain you are brightening up the place. I hear you about color! When I go to doc appts, I wear yellow, pink, orange-anything- to give me something bright and pretty to focus on. You sound like you are taking all of this in stride. Please keep us posted as info comes in. Sending tidal waves (along with Deb) of LOVE and HEALING and HOPE for clear scans. Your post about whacking Duncan in the chest slayed me. I couldn't love you more, girl.

MHC, I love that you plan to help your loved ones to come to terms with goodbye. Even if that goodbye comes several decades from now, I think it's honorable and an enormous gift to give to them. I lost my dad suddenly five weeks ago and my only regret is that I didn't force him to talk about death. He HATED to talk about his own mortality, he felt superstitious about it. But, what a gift it would have been to me to have his insight and input on how to go on without him.

Martha, I LOVE that your friend made a cd as a parting gift to his peeps. What a grand idea. I think we should all think about doing something similar.

Holisticgal Jen, where oh where can you be?

Clint, the wisdom and light continues to pour from you...we are so blessed.

Tae, so much love to you, hon. How goes it?

Kris, what a lovely post. I can't wait for the book.

Bav, if you're reading, please keep us posted. We want to support you in whatever way we can.

Laura, thank you for sharing your heart with us. You are not alone. You are part of the caring community here and we will hold you up to the light.

I love all of the images expressed here. I only hope I get to meet you all in the flesh and don't have to wait until the final party.

Love,
Sandra

Kelly said...

Kris,
I totally believe that there is life after death, and again agree that it is different for each person! Less than a year ago I had a good friend of mine pass away after a three year struggle with osteosarcoma. He knew he was going and went down for the count (literally)... he had controlled his illness through out the three years so much that he really truly believed he had control over his death as well. One night he gathered his family and friends around and asked us all to hold hands - he looked at each of us and told us that he was ready to go, he continued to close his eyes tight and counted, one... two... three... he kept his eyes closed for several minutes then opened just one and went... shit that didn't work! All he wanted to do was go onto his afterlife so he could 'play and record music with his paw-paw for the first time in three years not in pain'. My after life... still not sure if it is the traditional "heaven"... is pain free. This included emotional and physical pain, no more late night stomach pains from grief, or worry, no more phantom pain from injury or canSer... pain free to me is heaven!
Here's to vegetables!!!!!!
Kelly

MHC said...

This morning I had an a revelation. I not afraid of death. It's the lingering that is killing me.

MHC said...

Sandra, The best gift my dad give me was the LITTLE d talk. This is what I want when I die. It gave me so much peace. Knowing exactly what to do. Being the oldest he felt I could handle he subject. He totally blessed me.I am sorry for your loss. Big hugs to your heart.

adventure grrl said...

It's weird. I have no FEAR OF DYING. I have a fear of NOT LIVING. I've already told my friends I want my scripts (I'm a TV writer) paper mached to my feet a la a pair of Gucci boots and then shot out of a canon.

Then an OPEN BAR! The best quote I ever heard was, "My life has been so good, when I come back, I wanna be me."

My life hasn't always been good - unexpected deaths, depression, illnesses, heart breaking break-ups. But every day is a new day to REALLY LIVE, LIVE, LIVE.

So when I am laying on my "good-bye-for-now" bed, I will have NO REGRETS. Everything I do now - is working toward that moment, so I can really feel that with TRUTH.

Joy said...

As I await my scans this month, I too look down that road, more like, I wave and give it a peak as I pass by mumbling my affirmations. I have however, really began to notice the morning and evening sky and hoped that when my time comes, that I could somehow be a part of that utter beauty and awe. I know that we all are part of it now, but really physically be part of it, be gold and blue, purple and orange....
Always see my loved ones:) Thank you Kris for the opportunity to share what I've never, ever shared out loud. Love you all and you are all in my heart.

Love,

Joy

debbiedoesraw said...

hey all
way off topic, but this starts tonight and it is FREE. you do not have to call, you can listen online.
here is the email I got on it:
Just a quick reminder for tonight's call!

I'm excited to announce that the Healthiest Year of Your Life Program
starts in just a few hours.

For those of you who I haven't met yet, I'm thrilled you're a part of
this and welcome to the "Health Renegade" family!

Dr. Mark Hyman is a pioneer in Functional Medicine which takes the best
of alternative and integrative medicine and combines them into a plan
for UltraWellness.

Dr. Hyman is one of my own personal health heros to it's an honor to
bring him to you!

He's going to be talking about detoxification and what you need to look
our for, the hidden signs of inflammation, how to fast without hurting
yourself and tell his own personal story about mercury detoxification.

Here's the call in and podcast information. Remember, calls will be
available for 24 hours after they are initially broadcast. :-)

Date: *January 28, 2008*
Call Time 8:00 PM Eastern / 5:00 PM Pacific
Call In Number: (641) 715-3800
Access Code: 963616
Podcast:
http://www.healthiestyearofyourlife.com/podcast/mark-hyman.html

If you want to check out Dr. Hyman's f*r*e*e UltraWellness quiz, which
will give you a baseline of health based on your own symptoms, visit
this page... it only takes 5 minutes and is pretty revealing!

==> http://www.liveawesome.com/mark

Enjoy!

Live Awesome!
Kevin
'Most people work hard and spend their health trying to achieve wealth.
Then they retire and spend their wealth trying to get back their
health.'

clint said...

Hey Sandra Joseph, am glad you guys got back home safely...and yes, I DO understand about being back in ones OWN bed ! ;-)

Thanks for the kind words.

Adventure Girl:

I So hear you with the fear of death ... I threw caution into the wind at 21, didn't listen the doctors advice, but instead, my own. Now, when people ask me... "Clint, how are you doing" ??

I tell them .... "if I was ANY better, I'd be Twins" ! ! !

I feel it's a better to say how you really want to feel, as opposed to giving Power to an illness with the spoken word.

Joy:

Hoping your scan is clean and clear ! !

sincerely,

Clint

MHC said...

As I was mulling through Kris' book quite slowing not wanting to drop a morsel. I finally got to the chapter on Food. Woo Hoo now it is coming to clarity.

goony said...

One of my favorite movies that happens to be about death is Steel Magnolias. I laugh and cry every single time I watch that movie. I love when Shelby says "I'd rather have a few minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special".

Jennifer

RachelRae said...

Hi everyone, Thanks for sharing all your thoughts on this subject.

I have been doing some dry brushing regularly over the past week or so, and I have to say it's been really amazing for my skin!

I plan on buying a juicer very soon. I was wondering if everyone could share a favorite recipe for juice.

Again, everyone is welcome to join my CSC discussion group on yahoo. Email me for an invite: drracher@yahoo.com or do a search on yahoo groups.
Clarity, peace & serenity ~RACH~

MHC said...

Juicing

I need recipes, a juicer and the ability to drink the wonderful stuff. Wheatgrass? I have an allergy to grass. Will this hurt me? mmmmm Can't be worst than canser.


What is dry brushing: did I miss a chapter>:

I love whole foods. Now I know where to go. I was buying the wrong stuff. I am organic, so I eat organic.

Michelle J said...

Green juice:
cukes
celery
kale
parsley
lemon
apple

tastes good, the lemon makes it taste nice and fresh! Of course, any combo of the above will work, maybe a pear. Some people like ginger. I do not. I like to improvise but i juice every morning! Somtimes green smoothies too! Either way you can't go wrong!
Michelle

Laura said...

I know one thing after having a slug of wheat grass juice have a shot of lime juice right after, some folks like it ,I drank it for 2 weeks and (still do) it is the only stuff besides tequila that I had to chase with pure lime. I don't do tequila any more those days are just memories, good ones too! Thank you for the juice recipe Michelle!
I find the cucumbers really mellow the greens. It is all really good tasting. Organic hard to get sometimes and expensive. Tho the more we buy the cheaper it will get. DONT FORGET TO SUPPORT ORGANIC it is important. Most of what is wrong with all of us has been what we eat.
Oh my I better give thanks and get on.
This blog has come at the right time for me. I'm alone and just figured this contraption out and want to share what ever I can.
It feels like love!
Laura

Basic Me said...

How daft can one person be.. get this guys.. I got the date wrong of the scan results. It is tomororw. Got an answering machine message on my phone.. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahha That is soooooooo like me.. screw up a free lunch and I had an extra day of rest before the knowing. hahahahah if you can hear Julia Roberts giggling then you can hear the hospital rock with me tonight. hahahh Dumb.. Anyway it is ironic.. always begging off just one more day. SO tomorrow at 1:30 all info in and I can go home. Laugh with me.. it is a cancer faux pause ha that should have made Kris' last book. Well better earlier right.. pass the ambien. Night. Let you all know tomorrow the results. Keep laughing. MY LOVE to all of you. Callie

Laura said...

Callie I will speak your name to the wind in my prayers for you to be ok.
My very best to you,
Laura

MHC said...

Hubby went to whole foods tonignt and bought me the food of life. Tip 62 in action. I will wait until tomorrow to get rid of old food. I don't think the poor guy could take more tonight. Transistion meal...Portabella gardenburger, Ezekiel Sesame Bread,Penta water and a piece of fruit. Ouch!!I hope vegan does not hurt that much. Bet you vegan hurts less than canser scars.. Looking forward to cleansed cells and good looking skin.

Found a new vegan website Hallaluea acres.

Thanks for the help guys.

Callie: I wish my exploratory was tomorrow. hang in there. Hope it goes well.

clint said...

Am visualizing GOOD results Callie !

try to get some sleep....


CLint

w.andringa said...

Hi Kris,
This post is very beautifully written, and what a wealth of replies! I scrolled through to reply first because its late and I have to go to sleep but I can't wait to read all of them tomorrow!
Lately I enjoy looking at old black and white photographs of my neighborhood. Realizing that every individual lives a full life and then returns to the earth is so comforting! Why not feel comforted by death, something natural...in life, death is the only certainty!

clint said...

Since this is about the "Final Party" . . . I felt it fitting to hear from Mr. Gibran himself on this particular party.

I got goose-bumps when I read this:


On Death

Than Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."

And he said:

You would know the secret of death.

But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind
unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;

And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor.

Is the sheered not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?

Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink form the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.



mhc:

I hope you keep fighting, and never give up! . . . anything is possible.
I can see your healthy cells and clear skin.

sincerely,

Clint

Becky said...

Yesterday threw me into a tailspin although I know it's the elephant in the room! I just wanted to throw out that what I have been doing to help ease the fear. I go to bible study once a week. It is very comforting and it gives me such hope. Hope for recovery and healing but also hope for a peaceful passing. Maybe it gives me a "peek" into that other side? I don't know, but that is what I do. I also believe that yoga and deep breathing and visualization helps for both healing and passing as well. Callie, I join the group in thinking/praying for you for tomorrow.

Friday is my scan! Just want to get it over with. I'll report findings over the weekend.

Good vibes! Drinking my green drink as I write.

JackPacker said...

Today, you reminded me out of the blue of the freedoms I enjoy in my post-cancer life. You say in your film that cancer is your guru, a thought that resonated deeply within me. Thanks for shaking me up out of my complacency and reminding me of the lessons I need to prioritize and cherish in this life.

LYB said...

Callie, I am pulling for you and sending you loving and healing hugs.

Dry brushing....Kris, can you comment. It feels SO GOOD and has helped some skin rashes; however, my sugar cravings came right back when I started. I am sure it is the toxins being released and the same concept as a cleanse, that your blood get dirtier before it gets cleaner. I am continuing to dry brush and love it, but any tips you can pass on would be appreciated.

Happy day to you all!
XOXO

Grendle said...

mhc, I'm also allergic to grass and had a runny nose the whole time I was drinking wheat grass juice. I finally gave it up when I got a nasty sinus infection! Now I juice kale, cukes, celery, etc., whatever greens I have. I'd be happy to hear suggestions for substitute greens that I can grow in my kitchen. My poor shelves are bare, except for the sprouts!

Glenda

MHC said...

Thanks Clint-holding that one close to my heart.

Going off coke today, replacing it with Green Tea. Looking for a nat.path doc. Found a shrink close by, she's good. She believes in body, mind and spirit. I want to move out of the toxic farming community I live in. I'm in California, and the blue skys are expensive. Found a retreat close by that teaches raw food fundamentals. I just don't have the bucks. So I will hope you guys and great books will help this extremely green newbie.

Christine said...

New to posting comments, not to the blog. Looking for a community of positive people to learn and grow from. Dx 11.07, not terminal; but an awakening to turn my life around. Get healthy, live stronger, be a better person. This website is so inspirational, the book I have read a bunch of times over. Thank you for sharing your stories! There's so much I want to say, I'm overwhelmed. How can I keep positive when I am feeling so smothered by people who keep asking about how I am doing, what can they do? Is it crazy that I don't want to think about this dx 24/7???

joyfuljude said...

Callie and Becky,

Keeping you close in prayer.

Let us know how you're doing..

Big hugs,

jj

MHC said...

It just hit me that this post to make a Final Party..to I am not leaving quietly in the night.

I work everyday not to think about the Dxx's I have and the Dx I may get. That is not life. I am learning to just live life a lot better, richers.

As for sinus infections? My immune system must be damaged. I have had the same sinus infection for too long.

Turns out my PCP will do combo tx on demand. Drugs, food and vitamins he is a real vegan pusher.

Turns out he has health problems also. This is how he got well. Something to do with his colon.

I know what you mean new poster...one more sick, sad smile and I will puke. Build me up people in my life. I have just stopped talking about it except here and therapist.

Becky said...

Christine, I know how you feel. I mostly say, "I'm great, how are you?" If I really don't want to go there. And I am careful that my answer is REALLY POSITIVE. For a while I would say, "As best as I can." or "Well, we'll see." That is way too negative for me. And not that it really matters, but it reassures people and gets them to start thinking positively, you know? We all need as much positive vibe as we can get. It makes a difference.

clint said...

I agree Becky..... I feel it's a HUGE mistake when people talk about it as if it's "their" cancer... or "my" cancer.... or say "My Leukemia"... and not to lay guilt or blame here, but just trying to bang home a point.

If they keep speaking that, then that re-enforces their situation, and healing takes much longer.

I used to wonder myself why I'd try and speak as if I was 'possessing' a disease that I don't want.

Something to think about,

Clint

Becky said...

I also correct people when they say I'm "sick". I always say, "Actually, I'm not sick. I am trying to get rid of cancer." maybe i am in la la land, but it helps.

MHC said...

I think words and thoughts are powerful. They live on way beyond this universe. I still remember the bad things said over me as a five year old. I am alot older now and that stuff is still with me. So that is to prove how powerful our words are. I like to say stuff like "the disease" "the surgery" I don't believe I own it or it owns me. It just there.

Tae said...

so much positive energy and love coming from this blog. I feel it healing our souls!

Update on Dave: He is sleeping 23 hours out of the day, only waking up to eat. Drs say it will be soon...very soon. Hubby-Ken and I ready, or as ready as anyone can ever be. We want his hurt and loneliness to be over. We want his spirit to get a second chance at life, since this one is going to be cut so very short. And we also are ready to heal and remember how to live for one another, instead of living to take care of Dave.

Kris...an idea I have thought about often, but now feel very compelled to mention to you. IN CSC, you mention your wonderful "co-survivors". Have you ever thought about encouraging your Hubby and family to write a book about their experiences? I so wish I had had something like that to lose myself in while zoning in hospital waiting rooms.

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Hi family,

Gosh, I feel so out of it. I had to go to Orlando for 3 days to do a corporate speeking gig for the wonderful people at Philips Medical (they make scans and lots of the equipment we count on). It was great, but scary, 2000 people, 45 minute speech. I couldn't have asked for a better reception, 2 standing ovations and a sea of kind eyes.

Anyway, I am so touched by all this sharing. I want to do a new post but I think I'll wait till after Callie's scan. Thinking about you Callies love, Tae too. By the way Tae, great idea. My hubby is getting ready to do a guest blog soon. In fact, starting this friday we will have a weekly guest blogger. Now that my time is opening up I want to blog more but I also love letting these conversations develope over a few days. I promise the forum is near....

Other thoughts for our blog...
1. Profile of a regular blogger. Clint? You up for being first? If so let me know by emailing me at info@crazysexycancer.com

2. Book club. I think we should learn together. Thoughts?

Good night sweets,
K

MHC said...

On open letter to Tae

Tae sweetheart. I found myself in you situation. I help my hubby with his granny. We brought her home with us the last seven days of her life. We felt so blessed. She was never clear in the last years of her life. But her last days ...before she had a major stroke...that left her with major brain damage...she was mercily clear. She recogziged my hubby (she help raise him),she recognized the girls...and me. We stayed with her...after the stroke.

After the stroke...what used to be her warm, loving grandma body ...It was only a shell that kept her spirit trapped . Her spirit from soaring with the Lord as she used to call God. And then it was over. But with such a difficulty the body just wouldn't give up.

The hospice people said "She knows your not ready to let go, she knows you still want her here with you. She said leave her for awhile...that this would give permission to leave also. So we left for a two day break. And she left also, while less close yet loving family monitored her care. We felt blessed to know her. She kept teaching us until the end. She thought us to see color deeper, hear clearer, and most of all to know when and how to let go. Because of her and my dad I don't fear death. I have peace.

MHC said...

Sorry Kris..I guess I was a little slow typing this last one. Good time to move on after Callie scans.

My scan showed a 10cm growth with structures. Not a simple tumor as I hoped. Oncologist said more chance that is malignant.

Michael said...

Kris,

2,000 people, 45 minutes....for me, thats probably more along the lines of what I think death would be like :0).

I just wanted to throw my hat in the ring for a book club. As I said before; I'm not actually ill, even though CanSer has played a role in my life. I honestly just find all of your stories very inspiring. I also don't know why I feel like I need to keep bringing up the fact that I'm not sick....I just don't want to try to come off like I know what many of you are going through, I just know I respect the way you're handling it.

I think for the very few of us outsiders who read this blog, the books could allow for some increased inclusiveness....and I know thats all you guys have on your mind.....go ahead, you can all sleep well tonight knowing I feel more included..:0)

Michael

Basic Me said...

Hey Kris,
Talked to RG at urban zen today. One day we have to get that program into all hospitals. Am shopping for programs to move into Mobile and the southeast. I said we are chat friends. And RG said she is my dearest.. and more lovely than you can even imagine in person. I agree.. Had to pass on the complement. Full report tomorrow.. Love to all. Callie

Basic Me said...

Becky... Good luck darlings.. we are in this together. I am pulling for you and thank you all for pulling for me. I cannot beleive this ordeal is almost over or reving up but either way.. same same as they say. I have come to peace and will not be a different Callie tomorrow. Kris darling never stop progress for this lumbering taurus.. post woman.. I cannot wait to read your next thought.

I have to tell you guys I revceived four phone calls and that a ton when you office gets three hundred a day telling me to be in the dr.'s office today at 1:30 ok.. called them back.. Yep 1:30 got there and at 3:45 Duncan went to the desk? HUM>>> we have been here a long time and Dr. P. never has us wait this long.. Well Mr. D.... Dr. P. and his whole staff are off on tuesdays.. WHAT!!!! Well we said our thanks.. I knew I wasn't this nuts to get the day wrong. Came home and replayed the messages.. yep.. today 29th 1:30 dr. the home no more hospital. Well.... MISTAKE!!! Tomorrow at 1:30 as oringally planned. Jimmeny Cricket. So ... tomorrow it is.. I am not thinking about this anymore... it is ironic and funny in a weird psychotic sort of way.. only in the callie world. It was as I said yesterday a Faux Pause.. pause is the right word..

Ok. becky.. its me and you kid.. load up that ipod and put on your killer pink beat the bag breast canser lip stick and go get them. I am praying for you seriously and will be waiting on baited breath to hear you are just fine..We may get the results at the same time at this rate.. Thanks all..Love you post away Kris and Clint would be the best guest..
Micheal welcome!!!glad you are well and enlightened. keep coming back.
Cannot wait for the book club.. count me in. Hugs , Love and Veggie Rock. Callie

Sabrina said...

You have a way with words Kris and you've depicted death beautifully. All humans are terminal. I truly embrace the Eastern concepts about dying and I feel that it is only "the end of one chapter and the beginning of another" as you stated!!! I am SOOOO super stoked (pardon the slang) about your new book!!!! Your ideas are fresh and unique...they have a healing quality about them, just as you do! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world. I admire you & everyone else here who shares their wisdom and passion for whatever it may be!

Peace & Love to you all!!!!
<3 Sabrina

MHC said...

Hi Michael: I think it is great you are here. It will make you enjoy life more. I personally welcome you with open arms. I wish I cruised more boards like this before getting ill.

The tumor shifted tonight. I thought it torqued or was about to burst one of the warning they gave. I have spent a long hard night. Feeling like me again. I was this close to going to ER.

Good night, God bless.

Kris, I think I made a mistake somewhere and posted somewhere else by mistake. I should stay away when feeling this sick. Brain fog.

Christine said...

I would love to be a part of a book club! I carried all your thoughts and wisdom with me today at work. I'm a RN, had a patient on comfort care today, it is pretty much any time for him, his dx is lymphoma. Tried to work with the family and patient today...I hoped it helped them. Thanks for your words and wisdom from both sides of the hospital room.

Sandra Joseph said...

Callie, it's 1:30 in the morning and I just checked for about the 25th time and FINALLY there you were. But still no results? I wish I could take your approach and "not think about it anymore." You are a shining example, but DAMN, I want some friggin' answers up in here! I don't get it. You were in the hospital for how many days getting tests? And then somehow the appointment to get your results got screwed up? You are handling this like a champ. I'm pulling out my hair over here! I'm going to take a bath, try to breathe, and go to bed now. But I'll be checking again frequently tomorrow (well, today...it's already Wednesday) and hoping to hear your great news. LOVE LOVE LOVE to you.

Tae, holding you close right now, too.

Kris, brava girl. I know that you wowed them with your speech and your sunny presence. Thanks for checking back with us. I love all of your ideas about spotlight bloggers and book clubs! More bonding for the amazing family you've created here. HUGE love to you, as always.

Peace, my friends-

Sandra

Tae said...

Callie...I'm so in awe of you and you patience. So many positive thoughts being sent your way. I will be thinking of and breathing for you at 1;30 and the hours leading up to it. There will be so many people with you in that Dr's office in thought.

Becky...sending you loving vibes as well. Please keep us updated.

Kris...I love, love, love the idea of a book club. I also love, love, love the idea of profiling a regular blogger. Clint would be perfect!

mhc...thank you for your letter. Its nice to step outside my own situation for a while and absorb someone else's experiences and thoughts.

Love to all.
Tae

Martha said...

Hello everyone:

Full disclosure, I'm like Michael, also a visitor to this community. I hope you don't mind my sitting quietly in the room and listening with open-hearted awe.

I left a post earlier this week about riding with my friend in his beat-up truck from Cape Cod to Long Meadow and sharing music on our Ipods -- "In My Heaven" by Mary Chapin Carpenter was the song that prompted my post. The song gives me tremendous comfort, but it also makes me glad that it was a source of comfort to him as well.

I started wondering if, in addition to a book club, you all might want to start compiling a list of musical reassurance, comfort, inspiration. There are so many Ipods in this circle of close friends, how wonderful it would be to have a shared playlist of community-suggested lyrics and melodies. What do you think?

scnewme said...

Callie, I feel every raw emotion that you feel today...how incredibly brave you are to open up and share your inner thoughts with everyone here, it gives great insight not only to those not ill, but also a new perspective on how to try to cope with the dreaded day.

I am literally sick for a couple of days before my scans, which are still every three months for now, and I go into a defense/isolation mode...as if I can possibly protect myself and my loved ones from the results of "bad" scan with my invisible superwoman shield...hahaha. I know its not good, and I'm working on it.

But I salute you Callie, once again you show us how much of a teacher and leader you are...I am breathing for you today. And I remember what you told me, no matter what, we are healing - no scan result can take away that truth.

With so much love,

Sherry

Alana said...

I have been busy trying to "catch up" and get to "know the blog"! After my diagnosis recently, I've been looking for a community - the support groups I tried attending didn't feel right. This feels right to me - a bunch of really interesting people with big stories and histories. And Kris's book was the best; I need to watch the movie - the trailer was awesome. Too bad I didn't know about any of this before a few weeks ago. I've learned so much already through this blog and all of you - I've also been linking to the other websites and blogs which have been mentioned - wow - my hat's off to you all! Debbie's raw site is so great; already I am following the path. It's hard at first - at week three, I'm beginning to feel better. And all the stuff in Kris's site - what a teacher. Callie writes some inspiring stuff -ohh, that scan story sounds awful! You are very brave and patient to be dealing with all this and keeping posting. That Basic Mission site is amazing!! What an education. It's remarkable that you can be so productive while being in the hospital awaiting results. I become so paralyzed when something is coming up - maybe I'll learn to deal with all of this better through your experiences. Thanks all. Oh, Clint, I love your thoughtful comments and wisdom. Yes, I vote for his profile front and center! Alana

goony said...

Callie,

Could you bottle up and ship me some of whatever it is that makes you , well you! I've had a tough week. I haven't slept much this week, just too much on my mind, and was starting to go a little loony yesterday. I came here this morning and was reminded yet again, that we all hold a magnificent power inside of us, we just need to tap into it and use it to squash any stress that is making us sick. You are going through so much and yet have found peace. I focus on stenthening my body so much, when really my mind is just as weak. I need to strenghen my mind, I'm just not sure how to do it. So please, bottle it up and send it to me! I am praying for you like crazy. You have made a permanent mark on my heart and soul. God truly broke the mold when he/she created you.

Kris. I absolutely love the idea of a book club. I've never been much of a reader, but since reading your book, I have been whittling away at your recommendations. I like the idea of sharing music too. Maybe when we come here to read and post the songs could be playing on your blog? I can't believe you had to do a 45 minute speach. The thought of speaking to people makes me break out into a cold sweat and feel faint! We are so lucky to have you in our lives, and I'm so glad that you continue to reach more and more people every day.
Yes, Clint should definately go first!

Jennifer

Michelle J said...

Hello folks, i would just like to say that i am amazed at all of your stories and bravery! I do not have canser but my mom does so i sort of know and can relate! Everybody here always seems so upbeat even with heartache and sickness. How do you all do it? I love you all and Kris girl you really are amazing! If there is ever anything i can do to help out here please let me know!
Michelle

debbiedoesraw said...

Hey all
Ok Callie,I guess I can pray for you again... kidding, you are top on my hit parade of good thoughts and prayers for a crystal clear scan!

I will be happy to guest post..my blog is small but gathering momentum! I nominate Bueller to blog too!

Don't let anything or anyone steal your peace of mind today, no matter what cowgals and guys!
love and veggies
deb

Basic Me said...

SJ,
You know this is funny...what I am going thru but I think I worked up so much adrenaline in the last four days that it was just a false start. I am getting a bit cranky now.. The next person that tells me that was a sign the scans were clear and perfect. Swear .. I am spiritiual as all get out but I will hit the next soul with Duncan's cane. I know the pulling your hair out feeling. I was like that everyday in the hospital .. I am not a person to be caged.. whooooo... noooo..nooo... I am thinking about you honey bun.. when do you get your results? It is redundant to say I am praying for you all of you are always in my prayers. Before coming here I had been quieter to God.. I am sure he is thrilled to be hearing from me more.. alhtough Duncan tells me I am getting awfully bossy in prayer. OH well. I am not that formal.. God being God knows what I am thinking.. so if I am thinking GET ON IT>> no need to say please and thou and all those words.. He gets it.. SO Get on It Lord. Love Ya..
Anyway.. I was thinking about Gooney I get my inspirations from words.. Go over to basicmissions.com and see this week it is rust. But mostly it is stillness. I look at my animal and think she never worries. When she is ill she is still and God heals..along with the checks to the vet and all that.. But she is not worried she is just being. Being is something we humans dont do to well. Also if your hungry for food facts and warrior info on life and beauty hit debbiedoesraw she is brilliant and like Kris can bring you to tears with a paragraph and she can spell.. (envy) I have looked in the Quoran, Sanskrit and Bible there are hundreds of places that say just be still the peace of the universe is in the stillness. The words are in the wind. You cannot hear them if you are in constant motion.

I read this last night at two.. sometimes a day is measured in hours, 24, sometimes a day is measured the weight of it. Boy does that make sense.

Becky, Sj... praying hard for you. Thanks guys for your support. So glad I have my crackberry back and laptop. Missed you all.

My thoughts and very breath as we all say are with you all. OK Tae I haven't forgot or gooney. Always I wish you peace.

Peace, Love and Veggies. Callie

Sandra Joseph said...

No, no, Miss Callie...I'm not awaiting results. I'm pulling my hair out because I'm waiting for YOURS! You are my guru of stillness this week. Clearly, a lesson I needed to learn. So, save your prayer energy for me for another time. And keep bossing the big guy/gal around if that's what it takes. Seriously, have you noticed how many people you are touching with your example of Buddha-like peace and joy right now? Rock on, girl! I'm raising a glass of greens to you this very moment.

xo,

SJ

clint said...

I agree Sandra . . . I've banged down a few "Wheat Grass Margarita's" to help calm my nerves here, just waiting for the Positive results !

Am flattered some of you approve of me for Kris's blog . . I will do my best.

clint

Becky said...

Thanks everyone for your thoughts!!!!!! Callie, I had a special prayer for you with my bible study this morning. Did you feel the vibes? We talked about signs from God and if we feel that God has ever whispered to us directly. Anyway, yessiree, Callie, I'm going to put on my best make up and strut in there like I own the place. (I've been ther so many times, everyone knows me by now). I'll know by Friday afternoon. Will share the GOOD news then.

In the meantime, deep breaths everyone. Calm hearts.

MHC said...

book club...mmmm...Healthy Aging...by Dr. Andrew Weil. It is about is more about embracing all stages of life. Mary a.k.a. MHC

totally chic girly said...

Just wanted to let you know... beta results came in today... I am pregnant! Very VERY early, but pregnant none the less! :)
Was it the green goodness, the wheat grass, the colonics, the vitamins, the yoga, the gym, the organics the mind shift? Who knows for sure... I personally think it is a combination of all... and a positive attitude.
Just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to you Kris. You opened up a whole new world to me, and for that I am eternally grateful.
I read the blog faithfully, and think of you all...even if I don't post all that much. You are all so positive and supportive... so wonderful.
Much love to you all...
Namaste..
Kristy

Becky said...

whooppeee! that is such great news! I loved being pregnant. Congrats. And it probably is "all of the above" keep up the good work!

Tae said...

Oh Kristy! Thats wonderful news. glow, baby, glow!

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Kristy!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!! Yes, baby yes!!!!!!!!! You made my day love. I am enormously happy for you. Keep us all posted on the first crazy sexy blog baby. You did a lot of hard work my dear and look how it paid off. A great example for all of us. xoxoxox Kris

MHC said...

I love babies. Mary a.k.a. mhc

MHC said...

Can a person detox too fast. I have been feeling really ill???

Obsessedwithlife said...

Kristy-congrats on the pregnancy!!

Basic Me said...

OK... Loves...JUMP SHOUT I HAVE HAD A MIRACLE.. I AM FOR THE FIRST DAY IN FIVE YEARS CANCER FREE..

what had me in the hospital was I was coughing up blood and they had found a six month old tumor that was 14mm in my lungs and four tumors in lymph nodes and something..SOMETHING HAPPENED SIX MONTHS AGO THAT CAUSED THE CELLS TO DIE.. They are bloody raw and beaten. THE DR. SAID WHATEVER THE HELL YOU DID DONT STOP...BECAUSE THIS NEVER HAPPENS..

WELL I SCREAMED IN JOY.. THANKED GOD HUGGED DUNCAN AND SAID A PRAYER FOR MRS. KRIS... BECAUSE THIS DIET AND THIS LIFESTYLE IS WHAT I DID.. NO EXTRA CHEMO I HAD FINIHSED IT THIS YEAR.. NOTHING.. THIS WAS ALL NEW..

IT CAN BE DONE.. THE METASTISES IS CALCIFYING AND DEAD. NO GROWTH TURNING TO SCARS..

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

IT IS A MIRACLE. THANK YOU ALL ....

everyone is next. becky your armed and loaded with happy thoughts.. i cannot think .. i want to throw up pass out and am having the biggest whole body happiness orgasim on earth.

I walked into walmart free I go back in three months ......but today... my mind and heart are claiming the gift the blessed and wonderful universe has given to a very unworthy servant.

I love you all and Kris if I had your address I would be sending you 1 million roses... sugar and cocoa free chocalotes.. and hugs so big they would crush your guts out as my nephew says...

I send all of you hugs so big they crush your guts out tooooooo... my smile is going to poop my head wide open.. But it is a good day.

I LOVE YOU ALL...
GOONEY I AM GLAD YOU GOT THE RUST IDEA.. YOU ARE A LOVE JENNIFER.

ok>>> I have to go to give a mens bible study and have a birthday party and walk the saatchi. all first on this first day.

Many Many Blessings. Callie

Basic Me said...

Kristy I didn't read was in a hurry saw baby......oh sweet shit... it is a good day... we are having a baby at csc... whooowhhoooohooooooooo nothing could be better. I love babies... God I am so happy for you. Thanks all for the bible study prayers.. will read everything after work.. got to hustle..and get moving. love you all. Callie

clint said...

CONGRATULATIONS Callie !!!

I am SO happy for you ! !

As Kris would say.... ROCK ON ! !

And CONGRATULATIONS Kristy on your soon to be 'little tax deduction' :-) . . Way to go.

Tae:

Thanks for your vote of confidence.


Kris:

I sent an email to you at the address you gave me,

Clint

Anne said...

What a great day here! Congratulations, Kristy, and YAHOO, Callie! I've been sending good vibes for you both. Becky, you, too. You'll be ridin' the wave, for sure!

Callie, that is the biggest, fattest testimonial to this lifestyle that I've ever read. How motivating is THAT?!

So, so, so happy for everybody here. Truly, it's the best news I've had in awhile.

Like Michael, I feel sort of compelled to always mention that I don't have cancer when I'm here, like I don't quite belong, but I get so much from this community. It keeps me feeling positive and healthy and on the right path. Thank you all so much for being welcoming and for sharing your lives.

MHC said...

Callie: I didn't realized how attached I have become to you and your blogging until. Now tears rolling down my cheeks. Please GOD me next. I didn't realize I wasn't breathing until after the good news. AAAAHHH!! Breath. I am following this diet even if the test next week are negative. No more scares for me.

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Well, well, well. I wish I could say it was a miracle, but it wasn't. It was hard work and u did it too miss Callie. YOU did it!!!! I am so thrilled you sweet friend. Blessings sweat angel. Blessings...
Thank you for sharing your light and life with us. We are very lucky.
xo
Miss K

Martha said...

IT'S TIME FOR KRIS TO FIND ANOTHER WONDERFUL PICTURE OF PEOPLE TOASTING!! THIS TIME TO CALLIE AND KRISTY!!!! WHAT A FANTASTIC DAY IT HAS BEEN TODAY -- EVEN THE SNOW OUTSIDE MY SANTA FE WINDOW LOOKS HAPPY!

CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE! WHAT A VICTORY!!!

debbiedoesraw said...

CALLIE OMFG!!!!
I am speechless and teary eyed.. YOU did it, the party is on girl! What a miracle, those tumors have nothing on you honey...you are a superhero!

Kristy, YEAH! Wait till you hear that heartbeat it is a magic moment you will never forget! Champagne for everyone!

this is a place of modern day miracle, I believe it in my soul..
deb

debbiedoesraw said...

Hi all
Callie is the star of my blog AGAIN... boy she gets a lot of love around here!

debbiedoesraw.blogspot.com

Tae said...

What an amazing and blessed day it has been on our blog!

CALLIE!
I'm smiling and dancing for you! There are no words for how awesome this is!

Lauren said...

Wow! I'm sooo excited for both Callie and Kristy! You two are proof of what amazing things our bodies can do if we treat them right.
I am so happy for you both! I hope you guys have big celebration parties. You deserve it.
Kristy, you should definitely do a baby blog. I love baby blogs!

goony said...

Callie,

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I am smilling from ear to ear right now. Kris is right, this is all because you believed it could be done, and you did what you knew you had to do to accomplish it. Callie you are like a fricking rock star super hero!!!!!! I want to hug you so bad.

I took your advice and went to your site. But I have to admit that before I did that I was kind of thinking, what the hell is she talking about, rust?! Maybe she meant to say rest, but it was a typo. But I trust you whole hardidly so I went to your site and read about rust, and as I did, tears streamed down my face. It was just what I needed to hear today Callie! How do you always know just what to say to me? I am printing it out to remind me if ever I need it. Can you please tell me what your favorite color is, I would like to make you a gift.

Kristy -
I am so so so so excited for you. You and Callie are proof positive that our bodies just need the right tools to work proporly. You did an amazing thing to get to where you are now. You are going to be an amazing mommy!

Jennifer

Sandra Joseph said...

Callie!!! I was in a restaurant by myself and read your post on my phone. Totally started boo-hooing into my napkin. WOO-HOO!!! Yippee!!! Can't stop smiling.

Kristy, congrats mama! I look forward to following along on this new chapter of your life.

Mama Cowgirl, Yee-Haw to the revolution you were chosen to start!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Sandra

Mo said...

Hi everyone -

I am Sandra Joseph's sister, Monica (Mo)- and this is my first post on a blog EVER!!!! I have been reading for awhile now and I just HAD to congratulate both Callie and Kristy on your wonderful news!

I also wanted to thank all of you for the light you have been shining into the life of my baby sister. Clint - I told Sandra I think you are her brother from another mother! I know how deeply your words have touched her heart.

I know I am proud big sister, but I would love if you CSC cowgirls and guys would visit my sister's blog and view her recent post on the passing of our Dad. It's www.sandrajoseph.blogspot.com/ (Sorry Sandi - just had to: )

I am so grateful to all of you for your kind words to Sandra over the past weeks - I know this blog has been a life raft in an overwhelming tidal wave of grief. You have also touched my heart immeasurably.

Many continued blessings to you all - Monica

leenda said...

Hi Kris my Virgo sister!I guess I need to start with an apology for my awful manners.I've been "with you" since your doc & book came out,and I've been in this room being quiet(so not like me)But I've been listening,learning and praying for all of you.Sorry I haven't introduced myself before now.Muahh!!Kisses to everyone!
I couldn't keep quiet any longer with such AWESOME news in the room!Kristy & Calli,my gosh ladies you dit it! I'm so stinkin happy for y'all.It's sunny for the first time in awhile in Cali..God is in a real good mood today! Hell, I'm not even upset any more that I didn't pass my test today!
Please know I think of you all daily and pray for you.
Gotta go for now,as Arnold says I'll be back!(been in Cali to long,huh?)
Peace,Love and good vibes to all,
Linda

Dee said...

I love the vision of the party, definitely definitely agree. Having recently received not so good news from the men in scrubs (aka: doctors) this post cheered me up quite a bit, and helped everything settle more.

Keep on keepin on lady!

Mel said...

Congratulations Kristy and Callie! I am so happy and thrilled for you both. Thanks for sharing your good news.

Grendle said...

Callie,

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!! Keep on keepin' on sister!

Glenda

granola said...

Callie & Kristy,
I am ECSTATIC for you both!!! Fantastic, Awesome, Beautiful, Fabulous, Excellent, Wow, Way to Go!!!!! Can't wait till this is a way of life for all!
Peace, love, veggies, & a green planet to all!
mj
P.S. Poopslinger-hope all is well with you too!

Dr.Sue said...

Callie,
This was like reading a suspense novel, but I'd peeked at the ending!!!
I'm so thrilled for you, not surprised. Your combination of healthy living,your loving & giving nature, determination, prayer and POSITIVE ATTITUDE- you got it all wrapped up in a beautiful package with a big, pink, gorgeous ribbon. I've been thinking about you all week.
I've been a little naughty today & ate a bunch of healthy, but fattening food. I'm gonna chalk it up to pre-Callie-news Superbowl party.
Congrats girl, much love, Sue

adventure grrl said...

Callie - I HAVE NEVER been so moved by someone I don't even know. Much love and good wishes to you.

TO THE REST - I have been kind of feeling spiritually lost, but this blog keeps ME SO CONNECTED to my humanity, community and spirit. I find myself (a lapsed Catholic) praying and sending good INTENTIONS and healing love to people I don't even know.

And I'm becoming a better person because of it. Thank you.

scnewme said...

Well Callie, I hope you and Duncan dance all night long...you most certainly deserve it, so sweet!!

Kristy - congrats and enjoy, becoming a mom are two of my most proud accomplishments!

Kris - the love is so strong today and all because of what you started here...so thrilled to be a part of this moment!

xoxo Sherry

Basic Me said...

Hey Everyone! This is Duncan. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!! I had to come on and say a couple of things.
I'm so proud of and for Callie. She has fought a hard fight, and will always do it like the true champ that she is (just like all of you here). I can't put into words how Happy I've been since the Doc spoke those words to us this afternoon. I know you all know how I feel. We've just been a team most of my life, and I...well, like I said...I don't have the words. BUT YAAAAAAAYYYYY!

Kristy...I am sooo happy for you too!! Having a child is an amazing thing, and I hope that all of the time you get to enjoy during the process is one joy after another...Many, Many Blessings!

To Everyone here at CSC...I don't know what to say again. I can't believe that I'm so speachless (if you knew me you'd understand that its not normal for me to be dumb-struck). You people have been a rock for Callie. You've all been the perfect prescription for her at every turn, everyday! Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!

And, finally, to Kris...What can I say, and how can I say it?! Callie knew, the day that she saw you on the Oprah Show, that she had just had a prayer answered. And she did! What you have done by sharing your story, writing your books, and starting this site and blog has been AMAZING for everyone, and I know especially for Callie AND FOR ME! I owe you a debt of thanks that can never be repaid. THANK-YOU!!

Celebrate with us. We have been so blessed. Celebrate too, that everyone here is also Truely Blessed!

Many Blessings,
Dunc

Tanya said...

You ROCK!!! Thank you for being an inspiration and a comfort. Sometimes tears and laughter are different sides of the same coin.

Sharon said...

I just wanted to congratulate all of you on being
such an inspiration to so many. I am very humbled by your spirits and determination to fight and not let any diagnosis take away your wills to survive. Callie, this is such wonderful news. Congratulations. Kris, you truly are a gift to many. God is using you in a powerful way. It reminds me of the fact that His ways are not our ways...and that He creates beauty out of the ashes. You are all in my prayers and I feel blessed to read your stories each day.
Sharon

Becky said...

Callie and Duncan! Wow I just felt the relief wave over me! I can only imagine what it was like to have the doc tell you those magical words! And Duncan, nice to meet you! I smiled when I saw that you had joined the crowd! Your wife has been amazing for us, not that I have to remind you of that. I am putting my faith in my goody basket now. Along with my accupuncture, green juicing, healthy eating (although I did have ice cream last night - nerves), yoga'ing, praying, reading, etc. It's all wrapped pretty and waiting for tomorrow's results. One way or another, I know you guys will be here! That's so great. It's like the Verizon commerical where the person's network is following them whereever they go. HA!
Kris, you are the force of nature here. I'm going to re-read your book tonight and bring it with me tomorrow to scan day.
YAY CALLIE!!!!!!!!!!

Joy said...

Dearest Callie:)
I cannot even begin to convey my utter excitement and happiness. Oh and relief too!! You go girl!! So, so happy for you, you know you never have to go there again, do your plan, have faith in your beloved, love yourself. So wonderful, blessing beyond imagination to you and your family.

Love,
Joy

P.s. Thank you Clint for your kind words and prayers:)

Glomerulife said...

CALLIE AND DUNCAN -i AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

goony said...

Becky -

You have my support and prayers and waves of healing and hope comoing your way for your scans today.

Callie -

Girl, you have got to write a book about this! I couldn't stop smilling last night. And this morning my husband and I clanged our glasses of green juice together and toasted to BEATING CANCER!

Kris -

You must be so proud of what you have created. So many of us were like lost sheep until you came into our lives and now we have hope and the tools to heal. I personally find this blog to be like an addiction. I didn't grow up in a supportive family and never knew what it was like to be surrounded by so much love and support until I came here.

Holistigal,

where are you? I hope you are OK. Please check in.

Jennifer

apoopslingingmonkey said...

Honestly my opinion, death just sucks...I watched my grandpa die, after a long struggle in the ICU for 6 months...He tried so hard to live and get better...But, despite his long awful death- the bible says you "sow in tears.. but reap with joy"- Psalm 126:5 "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." http://www.blueletterbible.org/kj
v/Psa/Psa126.html#top

And I cant wait to see him in heaven!!!!!!!!!!!! I've sown the tears, and cant wait for the harvest of joy that will come later! The hope of heaven,something perfect- is amazing-
Revelation 21:4 "and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."
http://www.blueletterbible.org/cg
i-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?
book=Rev&chapter=021&version=nasb
And even while facing death my grandpa still had his wonderful crazy sence of humor- he'd laugh and tell us to flush his ashes down the toilet! LOL my gramps was quite a character! Then I'd tell him jokingly- "No I wont put you down the toilet! I'll put you in my favorite coffee container" (he was well aware of how much i loved my coffee) and then he'd say he'd love to go in my coffee jar LOL! crazy guy! So, I think death is sad, sucks,yet on the opposite side of the coin- can be something beautiful and full of hope,and sometimes something funny-that is if you have someone who handled hard times with laughter like my grandpa.."get better not bitter" about death too...

totally chic girly~
woohoo! congrats on the baby! how exciting!!!

callie~
AWESOME AWESOME news! Just completely wonderful!!! and Hello to Duncan!! :)

Hi MO!
hope you keep posting! :)

granola~
thanks! just been busy, not online much right now, cleaning house, cleaning the carpet lol, doing early spring cleaning, getting rid of clutter- I hate,despise clutter LOL...how u been!? :)

2xsurvive said...

Facing what may happen to you and walking your children thru the unknown is always difficult. The final party is a very good way to put death. A sensitive way to explain it to kids so they can understand that there are really only two outcomes one is to live the other is to obviously die. I don't want my kids to be afraid because i am not afraid.

Rachel said...

Kris,

That is one of the most powerful things I have ever read. It literally brought me to tears!! My dear Mum-in-Law is currently battling breast canSer, and your book, documentary, and website have been so helpful, hopeful and inspiring. Thank you.

Lead on Captain!

Love to you all,
Rachel

RachelRae said...

Wow, we have 2 rachel's now! I think we need nicknames to help know who is who!

~RachelRae

Obsessedwithlife said...

Are you talking about me or is there another too? :)

Rach

Mary 50 said...

life is good.