Hi Beloveds! Hi JENNIFER! :)
This is a quick mini post. I'm writing more Cancer Faux Pas' in the companion book I am scribbling for you. Remember that funny blog I wrote about what to say when people say the darndest things? Well I'd love to include more of some the silly, crazy, dumb ass stuff people have uttered when they hear we have cancer. Any interest in contributing? Please note that if you post then that means you give us permission to use your story in the book. I will change your name of course! Clean up the typos too. Come on share! I'll tell you if you tell me. LOL!
xo and giggles...
K
OK, here's one from the new book - hot off the press - a little teaser for ya. That is if they let me print it! :)
"When I went on my book tour my publicist gave the local media and radio stations a list of acceptable prep questions. They were ready and so was I. Most of the interviewers tossed the page into the office shredder, but at least they hovered in the general direction of respectful. Of course there were a couple of cancer faux pas frontiers men who opened mouth and inserted foot or cheap high heel.
Example: A God awful early show in the middle of boon dock America. I show up and the host treats me like I have the plague. I fake sneeze in her direction just to make myself chuckle. Then I asked her to give me the heads up on what questions she would be asking me. The wench flat out said NO. Huh? Didn’t she want the interview to go smoothly? It wasn’t like I was asking her to cheat on her SAT’s. The crew mic’d me up and as the cameras rolled I began to sink in horror as she looked straight down the barrel of the lens with this tragic, car crash look on her face. “Wow, we’re here with Kris Carr, the author and filmmaker who bravely recorded her tragic life and possible death. Good morning Kris, how are you feeling dear?”
I wanted to stab her in the eye with a shrimp fork, to foam and cuss. I wanted to light her hair on fire with a can of Aqua Net and a Bic lighter flame thrower. Was she raised in a barn? Did she have a mother who taught her manners? You know, like elbows off the table, say please and thank you and don’t harass the cancer chick? I was trapped. Coifed and camera ready as they zoomed in on my victim close-up. I felt humiliated for catching cancer and for “bravely’ sharing my story with the world.
Just then, my sass kicked in. Oh no, not today Suzie. You are messin’ with the wrong babe and I can play dirty too bitch. “Wow, that was pretty fucking dramatic for 5 am don’t ya think? Good morning city X, how’s it hanging?” OK, so I didn’t say “fucking” OR how’s it hanging because I was afraid my publishers would tan my hide and did they spent a lot of money sending me on the bus-and-truck cancer tour. But damn I wanted to!
You might get slain but more than likely those incidents will be few and far between. Humor helps tremendously so do lies! Sometimes when I just don’t feel like telling people my story I pretend that I write about bees. Or that I make porn, that always shuts them up."
PS. Depression post this weekend. We really must dish the blues. Right? Especially now that we're stuck inside for the winter. XOXOX
Thursday, December 6, 2007
More canSer faux pas'...
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126 comments:
Dear Kris Carr,
I am working with VOICE (an imprint of Hyperion publishers) on marketing a memoir by Kelly Corrigan, a thirty-six-year-old woman whose life was changed forever when she discovered a lump in her breast. Kelly’s breast cancer diagnosis was quickly followed by her father’s own late-stage cancer. After reading your blog, I thought this book might be of interest to you, and I would love to send you a copy for review or discussion on your website. Please feel free to contact me at anna@authorsontheweb.com for more information.
Best wishes,
Anna Jarzab
I hope she reads you web page and see your remarks...what a jerk she is!
Kris please email me, I have something for you:
sue123twmi.rr.com
DUH! Typo above.
My emai is:
sue123@twmi.rr.com
When I found out I had cancer and had to go through chemotherapy I was devastated to lose my hair. A more than acquaintance, but not quite a social friend approached me. He told me a LONG story about how as part of a cleansing process of when he got sober he shaved his head. Apparently he used to have long brown hair. Anyway, after shaving his head he kept and stored it under his bed for the last few YEARS (maybe 4 or 5) and wanted to know if I wanted it to make a wig from. Now, I know he was trying to supportive and generous, but seriously.....
I was also approached by someone walking down the street and they said "hey how are you, how's the cancer?" Come on, how is the cancer....oh the cancer is doing great I think I will go out and share a glass of wine with it.....but what I did say was something like "I'm doing well thank you, how are you?" Without answering my response she said "did you kick it, is it gone?" At the time I was deep in the heart of treatments so I just said, "I'm doing well and the doctors feel confident they got it at surgery." She then had the nerve to say "well how do they know, did they really get it." Just what I wanted to hear.
I could go on and on because it is endless of ridiculous people can be with what they say. As I remember more I will post them.
Kris, Michael the grass king helped me out with some wheatgrass issues. My recent tray was pretty bitter. He was super nice, thanks for sharing him!
-Laura
Enjoyed your show a lot crazy sexy cancer. my mother is a breast cancer survivior. Thanks for spreading the word.
LOL! that's awesome! I can't wait for your book! Ok since I'm not a canser cowgirl I don't have a faux pas to share about canser.... but I do have another faux pas that can be of equal to lesser value lol i'd like to share... I'll just keep it short and try to not open a whole can of worms but, my mom has been in prison for over 20 years, for a crime she didn't commit (i know everyone says that lol, but its true in her case, the state actually needed her testimony against the killer in order for them to convict him, and then the state in turn convicted her for the same crime but lesser time, anyway she was innocent and in the wrong place at the wrong time, and its a sad long horrible story, and for sure our lives have known more than beyond suffering over this tragedy of her life wasting away in prison for something she didn't do, the pain and sadness of this situation never seems to end, I'd never wish upon anyone....So anyway with that said I have heard my share of faux pas about my mother who I love more than life itself....So here's one example- once someone said to me "wouldn't it have been easier for you if your mom were just dead"
LOL! can you believe it! the nerve! My answer to them was "No of course not!" What- is death the easy way of escaping suffering,sadness, and trials?
Lame.
Anyway...Love ya Kris!
Kris -
HI! You've got me crying happy tears. I told my kids you said hi to me and they think I'm so cool now!
Can't wait for the depression post. I would like to know if taking St. John's Wart is OK. I take it during the dark months and it does seem to help.
Jennifer
I had no idea Depression was so prevalent and i look forward to hearing eveyones thoughts and ideas. Thanks for reminding me i'm not flying solo in out here.
Dear Crazy Sexy bloggers! So I do not believe in coincidences and when I saw you, Kris on Oprah and consiquently became obsessed with your mission and bought your book and saw your docu, I thought - "I don't know why I am so into this lady, I don't know a single person with canser". Well, that changed almost instantly (creepy, eh?). My cube-mate at work was just diagnosed with stage 3 breast canser. I'm guessing she is in her late 40s, but I really don't know since I don't care what age you are, I just care what kind of person you are and she is a great person! I really like her and we chat all the time about stuff, so I was pretty upset to find this out. But the thing is, even after all the reading and viewing (Kris, I swear I have watched your docu like 4 times! - it's just so great!) I don't really know what to say to her on a daily basis. I mean when I found out, I immediately talked to her and told her I would cover any work issues, etc and asked how she was doing, but now (it's been about 3 weeks) I don't really know what to say to her. I mean, we still chat, but not about canser. I mean should I ask about her treatment? Should I ask if she found out anything new? I don't want to be the one who only talks about her canser, but I also don't want her to think I don't care about her health or am too "weirded out" to talk about it. But I especially don't want to make her feel like a victim or feel sorry for her. Any advice you guys could give me would be so great! Thank you so much and Kris, rock on lady, I am trying to spread your mission everyday because you are so great!
Witness - first of all thank you! You are amazing and I am so happy you joined the Crazy Sexies. Welcome love! So, here;s the sitch. I can tell that you are in no way one of the peeps who open mouth and insert high heel. I feel energies and yours is great. If I were you I would say something like "I was just wondering how your treament is going? If you want to share the door is open, just want you to know that I am here for you, now let's go have an organic cocktail!" LOL! Oh, yes, the queen of green does have a wine every now and again. You will be fine. Don't worry, stay open and listen more than you speak.
AP Monkey - Girrrrrl. My word. No wonder you've got deep well soul. Sister, I want to bust some heads when I read a story like that. You and you're mom are now in my special internal altar. It's a sweet spot where the people I love get my energy and focused intention. thank you so much for sharing.
Do ya'll think my aux pas is too harsh? You know I jazz my writing up.
Laura - for real? My word.
Thanks for all the comments sweet angels. Back to writing for me. This blog is a great distraction! I want to check in like every other minute and blow off my pages. OIY.
Hey everyone!Been really depressed that last few days...I have GAD so it's tough when it's the last week of classes/finals/papers...to hold it together, but I'm doing it. Got my nails and eyebrows done...it helped a little =)
ANYWAYS...I was at a house party the first week back to school late this summer meeting up with all my friends again. I go to a mostly medical related college and somehow a guy and I got onto the convo of scars and injuries. Well we compared and I won with my scar and quickly explained about my cancer and getting a tumor removed and basically my whole abdomen rearranged. Well I hoped that would be the end of it and he would just be like "wow you look good!" WELL NO...the idiot girl sitting next to him goes "EWWWW she had her insides rearranged DISGUSTING" He quickly told the bitch I had canser and in front of everyone she goes "OMG YOU HAVE CANCER WHAT KIND?!" Well as a handful of people turned around and stared at me I just rolled my eyes at her and said I'm fine. My best friend quickly gave her the look of death and we moved on to different people to talk to! lol. Needless to say 10 minutes later the idiot was puking off the steps.
**My Dr. who oversee's all the medication I take and plans my future possible treatments told me one thing to stay away from was St. John's Wort. I'm not sure why but any Sarcoma or ASPS people out there please keep that in mind.
<3 Lindsay
P.S. if anyone is a curious person and likes to look up things online...I wanted to show everyone my Sarcoma team! Dr. Kane removed my baseball tumor and basically saved my life. Everyone else is the rest of the team who treats me for whatever ails me lol. Look if you're interested!
http://www.roswellpark.org/Patient_Care/Types_of_Cancer/Sarcoma/SarcomaTeam
http://www.roswellpark.org/
Patient_Care/Types_of_Cancer/
Sarcoma/SarcomaTeam
There's the right link, sorry having technical difficulties lol.
Well, now we know why she's on at 5:30A.M! Hopefully she'll find her true calling, NOT in media relations. TH
Hi,
I've home a week now from a 3-week hospital stay for a stem cell transplant. All went well, but there were times when I just wasn't up to chatting with friends. Most of my friends were very respectful of this.
But one toxic friend tried to INSIST that I chat on the phone with her, even after I told her that I had to take a nap because the Atavan was kicking in. "Well, do you HAVE to take a nap. I wanted to talk." I told her, "Feel free to talk, but don't mind me if I fall asleep."
Welcome Tom!
Susan - too funny and horrid. I hope you snored in her ear.
WOW thanks Kris! massive massive love,kisses & hugs to you! my mom and I on your internal altar?! geez I'm beyond honored :)
you asked if your faux pas are too harsh? not at all! I love your writing! I'm sure everyone here feels the same! your writing is perfect-its insightful,smart and fun to read. keep on jazzin' :)
test
I told my husband about this blog and reminded me of a couple others. He was dropping my oldest off at preschool last year and a mom came up to him and with a look of pity put her hand on his shoulder and said "I heard, well I am glad she is not dead."
When I was in the hospital after having my first surgery and also suffered a big bleeding complication a friend came to visit me in the hospital. As she sat down she said "okay, no more diet coke, no more microwave and I want you to take my super-concentrated fruit capsules. I take them everyday because I don't want cancer." I guess she couldn't have been too good of a friend to know that I don't drink soda and at the time rarely used a microwave (now I never use one) and what is this about the super fruit capsules.....as if not taking them gave me canser....give me a break.
What a great idea for a blog....it actually brings some humor to it all.
CanSer Cowgirls - I don't want to take away from this particular Blog response, but I get confused on where to post after Kris posts another blog. I'm just trying to get this message out to NICMOMMA, SHORTDARKANDFEISTY and anyone else whose interested, - therefore I repeat ...
nicmomma - Hello! Couldn't help but notice that (whether I previously expressed myself well enough or not) you feel like a close mirror image of me. A slave to appearances, - addicted to what people "think" I should look like and be ... that's me.
I suffer from great depression and anxiety too (although I don't want to admit it ~ a weakness, right?). But my husband does so even worse (I think because his family's never expected anything of him, whereas I could never be perfect enough, or so it felt).
I spent every second of my time worrying about my husband's physical and mental health that I HAD ("pre-Chris") absolutely no time or energy to think of me.
Kris also FINALLY got my ass in the right gear too. I also find I'm experiencing this "bloated/extended stomach" ... hoping it will balance out as my bod' balances out.
And I think I'm starting to become allergic to beer ... God bless Kris and Veggies!!!
NIC - If you're interested, we could help each other out with this transition (don't go to Stage 2 yet honey!!!!). I've been messing around with this stuff for years and would LOVE to help, listen or partner with you.
HelenRizza@hotmail.com (all anxious & depressed women/men - like me, slowly working on detoxing)
Thanks again Kris - who cares about the finish line? It's the journey ~ heard it a thousand + times before, but finally REALLY getting it!!!
Absoltely not.. your writing is right on the money. Not to harsh at all. I think it is fabulous.
I will have to answer this one later. I have to to many to count.. I love it when I was in the hospital with new leg bone.. pushing the morphine button like a manic crack addict and my friends the lovlies that they all came up and cried about every boy friend trouble and money troule and my sis had me making out her budget.. I just wanted some sympathy.. maybe some lotion and some peace. But I was a captured audience.. literally.. haha...now when I go to the hs. I put a do not disturb sign up and a list of when and who can come in. OH and IIIIIIII love the friend who bring thier babies to bounce on your lap to make you feel life is worth living.. hhahaha.. I love thier kids.. but not when I am in pain and out of surgery..
I will send some funnies.. later.
That reporter should have known better. shame on her..
Oh and Annalin I hate you have been so down. That sucks.. glad to see you back up and typing.. keep checking in. we miss you and understand!!
Oh and here is one I love before I get back to work... I love when chemo made me fat.. I mean fat.. and some folks would come up to me and say... WHYYYYY can't you get that wieght of yours under control this is awful.. I kept thinking I am in major chemo with major steriods throwing my guts up and your worried about my behind being to big and not the bone canser eating my bone.. You feel bad enough when you pack on the pounds from chemo..(until this blog I didn;t know anyone did but me) It did come off but that made me feel like crappola!!!
Senistive Souls.
Oh and Girlfriend.. just be yourself and listen to your friend with canser. I bet you are the best. You care enough to be here. Like Kris said ask her about her treatments. Most people treat asking about being sick like it is a plague but we would rather it be normal like everything else.. It is a part of our lives.. So just be your darling self and all will be fine. You are a love.
Peace and Happy Second Night of Chanahka (sp)
Callie
Kris- Hi, I'm nervous writing to the head cowgirl ! But, I wanted you to know that I don't think you were to harsh ! I too love your writing just the way it is ! The reader really gets to know you.
I would love if you would do a "spiritual" blog. I would love to know about how you found your "special internal alter" ! You have such a peace about you that I think we would all love to have !
Thank you for all you do and share ! I thank God for you all the time ! peace, tina
sorry, damn paragraphs won't work on my laptop ! t
Hey Kris:
If you are ever in that situation again with an interviewer - you could say something like, "I know Oprah Winfrey, Oprah Winfrey is a friend of mine and (fill in the name) you're no Oprah Winfrey!" HA! Also, I work in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles and I may borrow your "I work in porn" idea to throw people off when they ask me the inevitable question, "what are you working on now?" I look forward to your documentary coming out with the extras (without the commercials). When it's available I will give copies, with the book, to my great cancer "team" of 5 women docs whom I really like a lot. Thanks for all you are doing, Kris.
Dale
Kris your writing is just the best - absolutely love it just the way it is! You relate to all of us and make us laugh, cry and feel affirmed. SO....don't change a thing! You stay true to who you are and keep on writing from that beautiful soul of yours:)
I don't have any faux pas stories to share but I did find out today that my friend has cancer. It is in her kidney, spleen, pancreas and lung. Ugh. This all went down last night so I am not sure what type of cancer she has, the stage, etc. They are determining if the large tumor is operable.
However, if anyone does know of a kick ass oncologist here in the Denver area please let me know and keep her in your prayers. Her name is Tracy Adams.
Thanks everyone! Have a great night and I love the idea of a green mustache for an ad!! I can't remember who came up with that but it made me laugh.
Lots of love,
Kim
Kris, how much do I love you for questioning your faux pas? No story that you tell will come across as too harsh because you tell it with that crazy sexy funny centered loving authentic voice of yours. When I read your book, I was so knocked out by the wit and craftsmanship that I assumed you'd had a ghost writer. How could an actress turned first-time author be so skillful? Then I found this blog and realized-OMG- that book was 100% her! Sorry to have second guessed you. The faux pas tale is fab and fitting. I'm wondering how you find the time and discipline to write. Isn't is oh so much more fun to read your blog comments? I've been working on a memoir for about three years now. I find it torturous...and fattening. I get so antsy when i'm writing that I make trips to the kitchen about every fifteen minutes! But there's nothing that feels as good as hitting your stride and seeing those pages pile up. I forget which author said it but I agree: "I hate writing; I love having written." Keep up the great work. I know that book #2 will be as valuable and spirit-filled as book #1. You are changing so many lives. Rock on!
Sending you in-the-flow writing vibes-
Sandra
p.s. Thank you, CS friends, for your Starbucks suggestions. Dale, I found PERO at WF but they didn't have extra dark roast. I'm holding out 'til they do and then I plan to make your mocha, pronto!
Strongerthanit-I love your one a day, no deprivation philosophy.
Anne, you helped me remember that I need to give myself credit for how much I've already cut back on the coffee habit. Progress not perfection, right?
And dearest Callie- save the starbucks money and buy shoes? Brilliant.
Bav or anyone- delicate question but we're all family here, right? So, I was slathering myself with my brand new nutiva coconut oil and my husband walked in and discovered that he really liked the smell/taste of me. We didn't have time just then, but it made me wonder, is it safe to use the coconut oil as a lubricant? If not, anyone have any healthy, natural alternatives? I'm blushing now. Oh, dear. :)
I don't have my own faux pas story but I witnessed something funny.
True story:
A little while ago in nyc I was waiting in the subway for the train. The train arrives and the doors open. A blind guy storms out of the train trying to whip his cane open and starts yelling back toward the train "Sight Dependent! SIGHT DEPENDENT!!" He was furious. Anyways, I go in the train and a guy is talking about the incident. Apparently the blind guy was yelling at a woman with cancer to give up her seat! The guy telling the story said "Cancer always wins."
Thanks for sharing...I think I shared one of these before but I was working at an art material store and helping this very interesting man. He somehow found out that I had cancer (non-curable at the time) and said, "Well, are you terminal?" I stood there a little flabbergasted and wanted to say, Excuse me?
Another time, I, too, was doing an interview, on the radio and the interviewer said, "Well, how didcha get ya cancer?"
Another lady found out after I thanked her for donating blood (she had one of those stickers on) and literally her eyes got big, she STEPPED back, scrunched up her nose and said, "I wonder what CHEMICALS you were exposed to growing up!?!"
Oh, I really could go on forever, having had cancer 3x as a young adult but I'll stop there...
Rachel
Dear Kris and friends,
I am not very sure why, but it looks that I become a very scary monster every time that I get a cancer. It is not that I am ugly, at least my relatives and friends always tell me about my beauty. But this is what happened:
I was dx of ovarian cancer at age 28 and went through surgery and chemo, with no big changes on the outside. But I noticed that one of my neighbors was always running home to close her door before I said hello. She did that for the five years that I lived in that location. A friend of mine told me that she was so afraid of cancer that she believed I was dead and what she saw was a ghost! Poor woman.
Now, at 47, I have been on chemo on and off for 3 years for lung cancer and totally bold for over 6 months, so I use a headwrap to protect my scalp. Two days ago, walking with my husband to the parking lot, a young lady stop in front of me to stare (I had pulled my shades up, moving the headwrap and showing part of my "naked scalp"). So my husband told me to forgive him as he pulled off totally the headwrap, what make this lady cry loudly and trip over her own foot. Another poor woman.
On the other side, there is sensitive people around. I was complaining to my husband about how mean the chemo is for me... if he could take it this time for me... and an old lady walking in front of us turn around to ask me to read a very wrinkle peace of paper that she gave me: it read about how a little change in the attitud can make a big difference in the way we feel, written by another person affected by cancer. I needed that, thanks old lady, you are great.
I've had more than my fair share of hearing canSer faux pas, but this one was my favorite:
I had not been to my local grocery store in months because I was so sick from chemo. When I finally felt well enough to do my own shopping, I hit the grocery store, 30 lbs thinner, half my hair gone and an albino shade of pale.
The checkout girl commented, "Wow! I haven't seen you in a long time! You look like you've been sick! Did you have the flu?"
I don't know why, but I blurted out, "No. I have cancer."
She paused for a moment and then said, "Oh. Yeah...I heard that was going around!"
Sigh! Yeah...canSer is going around like the flu or the chicken pox! Whatever!
I think you are incredible, Kris! I made the very difficult decision to not partake of the horrors of a bone marrow transplant (aka "my only hope") about 6 weeks ago. I felt that nutrition, cleansing, detox, and the mind/body/soul connection made more sense than poisoning my body and destroying all of my major organs for a 35% chance of beating the cancer.
Since I made my decision, I have received one affirmation after another that I made the right decision and that the doctors' label of "terminal" is subjective...not a fact. Seeing you on Oprah and spending time on your website and blog has been a big part of that affirmation process. Thank you for showing me that there is a different way that WORKS and that I can lead a healthy, wonderful life. You're awesome!
Keep preaching! It does my heart good to hear your voice ringing out louder than that of the pharmeceutical companies!
Love and Light,
Jenny Webber
Hey Kris:)
Thank you for your reply about soy and enemas, wow that sounds so odd:):) anywho, I've had the ususal uneasiness and odd, sad looks from folks, but I can reacall being at an ayurvedic retreat, as I was awaiting my lymph node biopsy results(already diagnosed with melanoma mind you), the call came, it was non-hodgekins lymphoma. I know these folks truly cared for me and were very concerned, but when you get that news it's so surreal, yes? I got these sad looks of pity, the "I'm so sorry's" NEVER say that to a canser patient!! What are you sorry for?? DUH and the ultimate, "how's your canser??" I only have one reply to that and it ain't Happy Birthday, I do think it's possible to bitchslap someone with just one look, don' you agree:)? Great topic, bot it feels good to get that out!!! YEAH!!! Love ya,
JOy
Shazizzle! Those are some dirty-good faux pas!
Joy - can you teach a workshop on how to bitchslap with just one look? i swear it would sell out sistah!
Sandra Joesph - WOW! Thank you! I really appreciate your comments, especially now when I'm in the thick of it and questioning. Girrrrl, I thought I needed a Ghost writer at first too. I was scared out of my mind. Partly because I was writing the script for the film at the same time and I had never done that either. In fact, i hired a really cool writer to work with me but after a few chapters i knew I could do it on my own and I didn't want my voice to be too poilished, so we parted ways and remained friends. The truth is that I have always been writer. I have journaled almost everyday of my life since I was 16 years old. I was also an English major but I did so many drugs back then that I barely learned a thing. LOL!
Once this book is done, my publishers promise to give me more time. I've only worked with insane deadlines and it really takes a toll on me and what i can churn out. As you can imagine, I am a perfectionist and when perfectionist collides with artist it's never quite right! OIY!!!
Here's my trick. NO snacks in the house at all when I'm on deadline. I would blow up. Now everytime I want a snack I check this blog instead. You all are my soul snacks. :) Really, it's winter and I have cancer and I don't want to add writer's chunky chub to the mix.
How do you remain discipline? This is my very simple but effective way. Get a kitchen timer and set it for 1 hour. No matter what YOU WILL write till the timer dings. I get up at 5:30 am because it is the best time for me and I don't work past 5 pm. I use to but I can't anymore. I need movies at night to fill me back up.
Finish your book hon! You will be so happy and proud of yourself.
NOW, to the coconut question....You can use it. That's all I'll say. :0
PS. Remember coconut is anti-microbial/bacterial. It's safe in my book.
Hey ladies,
Is anyone treating their cancer holistically? I was diagnosed w/breast cancer 9 mos. ago and I've been going the natural route. Anyone else in my boat? If so, I'd love to hear from you...
Marie
mariestory@yahoo.com
Coworker - How's the cancer doing?
Me, thinking - doing great, having a marguarita on the beach, for christ's sake!!!
Me, answering - good, good, we're pretty confident they got it all at surgery.
coworker - are you sure? Anyway, don't worry, you'd be cute even without hair!
OMFG!!!
An aquaintance - oh! you have cancer, bummer... I know what it's like to be sick, I just pulled a muscle at the gym last week!
That one was really calling for a bitch slap, but I just took a deep breath and walked away.
Just remembered this one:
- You look sick, what's wrong with you?
- I have cancer.
- Really? Well you know, dear, everyone has cancer these days!
And I thought I was a trend-setter...
Hey Kris,
This chapter was one of my favs in your book - you can't help but laugh. Just nice to be in a place where most of us actually "get it."
I've got a story, but one with a little twist. This summer, towards the end of my grueling chemo treatments, my 9 year old son and a friend were playing out front. I heard the little boy say to my son, "your mom doesn't look very pretty without her hair." I cringed out how cruel kids can be (even without meaning to be). I had no idea what to expect from my son, until I heard his reply...
"My mom is the most beautiful person on the earth, you are just looking in the wrong place. You have to be able to see her heart, and no one is more 'prettiful' when you look there."
That moment has gotten me through many a rough day and I thought somehow it might be fitting for here and now. From the mouths of babes...
Hope you all enjoy a smile - glad to be able to share. hugs to all
Sherry
Sandra Josepph.. I don not know if it is safe or not.. but we have canser girlll pass the coconut oil. hahaha.. NO I would like the answer to.. but lordy child.. you just made me want to wake Duncan up and hand him the bottle. hahaha
I love you more for asking... someone answer the question quick. haha
Hope you have a great day. I am working with heating contraters all day and refrig. repair guys.. Lord help me. Put the dogs up take the dogs out. And why why why... do men... it has to be men put the hot water heaters and the ac units in the only spare closets in tiny apartments.. bad design. That is were you cram all your crap so I have to unload everyones junk this morning.. so I better get my smoochie booty moving. Thanks. SJ for the wonderful morning thought. Hugs and I hope all works out in the end. Love to you all. Callie
Kris - I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma in November, a few weeks after I saw your documentary. I had to have some surgery (on my face) pretty quickly. This was 6 months after another dermatologist told me that the tiny dot on my face (that appeared out of nowhere) was nothing. After the initial shock and despair, I had the surgery and they got it all out but I have this scar on my right cheek that pretty much broadcasts to the world that I am dealing with this problem. I still have some follow-up with scans and such and I think I'm going to be OK in the long run but I was out of work for a couple of weeks with the surgery and when I got back and had to tell a couple of folks who didn't know why I had been out that it was melanoma, two people blurted out that they had relatives that died from it. I mean blurted as in "OMG, my relative died of that. Please let me know if there's anything I can do." Seriously now, I think you've done enough. But honestly, people really don't think about what they say - they react. Another thing I wanted to mention that I don't know if other people have experienced, are the people in my life who backed away immediately when they found out about it. One friend e-mailed me asking me how I was and about a party and when I responded with what was going on, she never responded. Still waiting. And another really close guy friend of mine shut down completely. He checked in with me once, saw me while my face was still bandaged and I never heard from him again. There's a line between giving people slack for their reactions but there are so many moments of reevaluation in one's life when the "C" word steps in. I'm a writer in New York City - I would love to contribute something to your work as melanoma is not mentioned an awful lot and yet it's very deadly. I'm so lucky and grateful for having found some doctors to listen to me and to help me. My blog address: www.caroltoscano.blogspot.com. I am reachable through it. Thanks for your work - it helps all of us.
Carol
KRIS - your writing is clear, real and alive! To the reader, it feels like you are really talking to us, which Oprah says is the greatest compliment an author can get. :-)
CANSER COWGIRLS - oh these stories seem unreal, but they're not! It must feel good to let some out.
POWDERED SUPERGREENS - I know nothing competes with live green juices, but as a supplement to them or an alternative on a busy day, are powdered supergreens worth drinking? If so, what brand would be recommended? If anyone can tell me, I'd greatly appreciate it!
Winter's definitely here, but my Burt's Bee Hand Repair Cream is working magic on these dry hands!
Movin' to stay warm. Ciao!
Not feeling well enough to post too much, but I had to share this cute story that happened a few years back.
My hair was just growing back in for the fifth time and was at that "chic and spikey" (LOL) stage. This sweet older woman came up to me at the store and said "Honey, I just love your hair style, can you give me the name of your hairdresser?". I soooooo wanted to give her the name of my oncologist, but resisted.
Have a sweet day everyone.
Hi all
Since I still appear healthy and "normal" only my closest friends know that I have been diagnosed with chronic lymphycatic Leukemia. One of my friends asked me what my plans where now...like what are going to do with your 7-10 year prognosis? As if I BELIEVE that bullshit number and am readying for the grave AS IF People!!!
Prognosis smognosis, I am gonna live way longer than my oncologist and that my friends is sweet!
debbie debbiedoesraw@blogger.com
cll survivor, future centarian
hi everyone, i'm new to this blog. I don't have cancer but i was so impressed by Chris's appearance on oprah that i've started peering in. i hope it's okay to ask for some expert advice. i am really motivated by everyone's goal of health and am inspired to make some dramatic changes in my own lifestyle. so to be brief my questions are as follows..
1. i was going to start a cleanse w/the infamous cabbage soup diet but then read @ the raw food detox on here a couple of days ago. does it matter which one i do? are they similar? help...
2. going to purchase the breville juicer today and need to know, breville "plus" or "elite". does it matter? hoping to become a full/time juicer if that helps.
so any suggestions and advice is greatly appreciated. thanks for allowing me o drop in, uninvited, and underdressed, so to speak. you are all so inspirational!
Soaring Eagle, I have tried a few green powders and truthfully some taste so bad. M husband is quoted by saying they "taste like the pond." I tried Green Vibrance, and it is decent. You can order it online or get it at WF. I am sure other health food stores carry it too. I am open to other green drink suggestions if anyone has any.
I love checking this blog, it keeps me healthy and green....love it!
Kris,
This isn’t so much a funny story as it is a touching one.
I was at the grocery store with my 3 yr old son. It was obvious that I had cancer, I had no hair, and (I was going through chemo at the time) so my skin tone was gray, I just looked sick. An older lady walked up to me out of nowhere and started talking to me and asking me questions. She asked me if I had cancer, what kind I had. Then she shared her story with me of how she lost her sister to breast cancer the previous year and how close they were. Before she walked away she told me that she felt lead to give me a hug, and asked me if that would be alright. It was a little strange but I told her that it was okay. That little old lady hugged me with everything that she had, I could feel it. It brought tears to my eyes, and later I realized that I really needed that hug. I had been so focused on my husband and children, making sure that they were alright I forgot about myself. That woman did more for me that day than she could ever have imagined. And I’m thankful that even though we didn’t know each other she followed her instinct and reached out to me.
Soaring Eagle, i've been taking this: www.healthforce.com/product-vitamineral.html. It actually doesn't taste that bad to me. I take it with water and chia seeds. Yeah i know that sounds horrible but its not once you get used to it. Check it out..good stuff in there!! Ok, this is not really a canser faux pas but usually when one is diagnosed with CLL (my mom) the doctor says something like "well if you have to have canser, this is "the good canser to have" GOOD? I think not! Hey Deb did your doc say that to you??
MichelleJ
Hi Kris,
Just wanted to tell you that I loved your doc, love your book and love your blog. You are a breath of fresh air.
I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in June. I just completed chemo, had a double mastectomy with reconstruction and will be undergoing radiation in the next few weeks. One faux pas I've encountered was: whenever I would tell someone I was diagnosed with cancer there first question would be: "did they catch it early?" This would hit me hard because while my cancer was caught in time it was not caught "early" and it would throw me.
Ironically, pre-diagnosis it would be question I would ask as well. So I don't think people realize it woud be a faux pas.
I can't believe some of these stories. They're bringing back memories of some of my "classics" from when I was diagnosed almost a year ago...
When a friend asked how I was feeling from treatment and I responded "pretty good but I do feel slightly nauseaus most of the time" she said in a way that seemed to be asking me for sympathy for her "well, now you know what it feels like to be pregnant". Mind you, this is after I went through three failed IVF procedures and once diagnosed was told that I could no longer even try to have kids- too dangerous. Yeah, I was really sympathetic to the friend who was nauseaus but once through it got to welcome a beautiful baby daughter into her world.
The next one is even better (and again relates to babies I now realize)... I have lots of bone mets and was told I had to give up "impact" activities for the rest of my life. I had been a very active, "outdoorsey" person and live in the mountains where much of life revolves around "impact" activities. My day to day life had to change dramatically. When explaining my new limitations to a different friend who was herself going through IVF, she said to me, "Oh, I can totally relate; I have to stay pretty quiet for the next two weeks while they're stimulating my ovaries. It's such a drag isn't it?"
Both are very well intentioned friends but come on!!!
I cannot believe what some people say.
One Mother with Cancer, I really liked your story. While I do think it is nosy for people to ask so many personal questions, she obviously was still dealing with the pain of losing her sister. It was so wonderful of you to open yourself up like that to her. A lot of people I'm sure would have been squirming to get away.
I think I posted this when you brought up this topic before, but in my opinion it's a classic!
A co-worker - who knows all the dirty details of my medical story - was talking to a bunch of us, lamenting the fact that she'd gained a few pounds recently. Then she stopped, looked right at me, and told me I'm "sooooooo lucky" not to have to worry about my weight since my surgery. (I had my entire stomach removed in 2001 because it was full of tumors...and I've still got about a bazillion more in my liver!) I just gave her The Look and said, "believe me, I'd rather be counting calories than tumors!"
She didn't say much after that.
-Laura
www.castlemans.blogspot.com
Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. They're all amazing.
Mary Alice - Please don't do a cabbage soup diet. It's not a raw food diet. I don't know what your current eating is like, but why don't you start eating at least 50% of your foods raw and be sure to combine foods properly (google food combining). Thought that might be a place to start. Kris says not to worry about exactly which juicer you have, - just juice!
Laura & Michelle - Thanks so much for the Green Drink recommendations. I will definitely check them out! Any recommendations Kris? --- only if you can --- that computer screen must be getting tired by 5 PM!
So much to learn, absorb and incorporate ... but it IS exciting! Love to all.
Michelle
Why, yes he did and so did anyone else who had ever heard of it! He also mumbled something about 'you could live decades..".. this is before he even had my results.. I guess he was trying to be hopeful but wtf why say anything when you don't really know???
I have to say there is no good canser to have and there are some really hard ones that our peeps do have. Which is better, getting ravaged by chemo in the hope that it will help or being told to Watch and wait and that there really is nothing they can do and that CLL is incurable?
Ok that reminds me of my favorite faux pas-my oncologist's assistant, she is a winner with this shit... I am crying with my husband and she pops her fullofnothing obviously head in and goes "suprised?".. like I just got punked or something...pretty stupid comment. The next appt I stupidly mentioned the relaxation visualization exercise I am doing and she issued these words of wisdom "You just have to accept that you have it and it is not going away." Perhaps Miss Onc asst needs to find another field, you think? Thanks for reminding me, those two really stung, I think I have been repressing the memories.
deb
Well here's a great reason to go on the raw food diet:
David Blaine is going to try to beat the world record of staying awake!
Apparently, he could risk permanent brain damage, but he believes his raw food diet will prevent that.
He does such wacky things this David Blaine! Atleast he'll be promoting the raw food diet.
Here's the link:
http://perezhilton.com/?p=10123
I apologize for reading perez. I know a lot of people think he's so mean, which he is. I don't like it when he's rude, but I go on when I procrastinate! I can't help it!
Hi everyone, I can't believe these faux pas stories ! amazing what some people will say.
Kris- I have a off subject question for you. I hope it's not too much to answer here. I looked into reading Spiritual Nutrition by Gabriel Cousens and they reference St. Therese of Lisieux and they talk about upon waking her kundalini she had a " strange melange of hallucinations, comas and convulsions, etc.." So WHY would we want to work on awaking our kundalini ? i know, loaded question but anything you could offer would be a help !
mariaeyes- when you talked about the old lady and the note ,it reminded me of the book i'm reading ,A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson. She talks about a shift in attitude. It's a good read so far. It was on Kris's booklist. I happen to have a extra copy, i would love to mail it to you if you want. Let me know.
peace to all ! tina
HAHAHA!! I do believe we were separated at birth, only I'm older by 5 years and 1 day!!! Go Virgo, it's your birthday:) I'll get right on that workshop, I've been working on it and perfecting my stealthy technique for years!! Thank you so much for the amazing laugh Kris. Ya know maybe someday you could produce something like the Vagina Monologues except dealing with canser, hmmmm??
Love,
Joy
Hi Ladies - As a cancer-sistah I can STILL feel the pain, cringe, blood boil, jaw drop when people would either cross the line with what I percieved as inappropriate or personal questions or comments about my illnesses. And although deep in my heart I knew that people meant no harm and just did not know WHAT to say, at times enduring such was more difficult than the cancer, surgery, and effects of chemo!!
Having said this, I cannot refrain from sharing my "best of show"...I could not have reconstruction immediately after each of my mastectomies. As difficult as it was at times to dress without prothesis and withstand stares, I ultimately came to peace with what I looked like - it was STILL me! Yet presumably because of my stature and build - tall, thin, muscular, short hair - I was often mistaken for a man. Yup - a man. All of those aforementioned comments and questions about my cancer PALED when referred to as: "yes, sir" or "thank you, sir". Now that hurt.
God was testing ya Kriss.... a little un-announced "tune-up".... you passed with flying colors !
Bravo !
;-)
Clint
Here's another one. I had breast cancer and had bi-lateral mastectomy surgery and still to this point have no reconstruction options b/c of a bleeding complication and involvement of my pectoral muscle....long story. A little background.....I have 2 little kids and my youngest was 1 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Many of my friends have had kids around the same time and many of us nursed our children. For those of you that know about nursing it doesn't leave much umph to your boobs when you are done, in fact it the babies literally suck the life out of them :-). I can't tell you how many times people have said I was lucky, do you believe that LUCKY, that I "got rid of my boobs." I am walking around flatter than a 5 year old and I am lucky....come on'. My response fell in the lines of something like "would you like the name of my plastic surgeon, I have researched quite a few." People seem to run scared with that one. Now, yoga and running are certainly easier without boobs, but never would I wish for this and nor do I feel lucky for losing my breats. In fact, I miss having that sexy cleavage. One day I hope to be able to reconstruct, but for now it is those real sexy mastectomy bras...woo-hoo
WHY do I have to create a "new" Google account every time I try to post?!? (my password is never accepted with "soaring eagle")
What am I missing?
________________________________
"THINK KRIS" - sounds crazy maybe, but I'm gonna wear a "name tag" (or any sticky label will do) with those words in order to face a weekend entirely full of my smaller family and huge amount of in-laws.
Do I want to wait to have canSer or something else worse than my curreny illnesses to be so bold?!? NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to do it just for show, - no one "gets" how I'm trying to eat "live" and I'm afraid I'll get sucked into eating God knows what on Sat. and pizza on Sunday (baptism with lunch where they're only serving pizza). White bread doesn't agree with me and makes me fall asleep!
I'm actually pretty strong with the food, but this cold winter depresses me and I don't trust myself.
Sorry for the sour wine! I can't be the only one with no or few relatives/friends/spouses(me) that won't even TRY to understand detoxing and all its miracles. Argh!!! Sometimes we gotta fight, right?
Well, I thought of a couple more...after 7 years, there are so many!!
I take prescription painkillers for chronic tumor pain - I won't mention which one, but let's just say if I wanted to I could quit my job & just sell these suckers on the street! Anyway, a "friend" told me recently, "You are SO lucky - I wish I could get unlimited painkillers anytime I want!" Um, yeah...I would happily give them back if it meant I didn't need them!
And by far the most intrusive one ever - the oral targeted therapy that I take (Sutent) causes your hair to turn white. (I color it blond, and use an eyebrow pencil, so as not to look like an albino!) So not too long ago, a co-worker (!) came up to me and said, "So, I noticed your eyebrows are white...does that mean your pubes are too?" Seriously, WTF?!?! Just because I have cancer doesn't give you the right to abandon all sense of propriety!
LOL! man alive! just reading up on all these posts! I just can't believe people actually utter these words out loud to people. Anyway, have a great weekend and God bless peeps! :)
I have neighbors who catch their magnolia leaves before they fall to the ground so those leaves won't sully their meticulously manicured lawn. I have trees, too, in my yard. And while I don't catch their leaves in transit, I did manage to keep the sidewalk free of leaves and debris during my chemo. And I was proud of that accom
During one chemo, however, I left my garbage cans out at the curb for four days (the horror!). Those neighbors, who had seen me bald-headed out on the sidewalk with my broom, called the cops in our little town to rat me out. A friend of mine who walks everyday past my house told me he saved me from almost certain incarceration and public scorn by telling both the cops and the beyond-anal neighbors that they might want to cut me some slack.
Crimony (as my Grandma used to say.)
Thanks, Kris.
Jill
...plishment. :)
I swear guys this one isn't about cancer. It is about ALS every single time Duncan goes for his check up his estranged jand "just reunited with him family asks" Now today what should we expect what in months or years is your prognosis.. i swear they ask this everytime he talks to them What are they planning to be the worlds worst family in life and in dealth whhhooooo babyyyyyy are they gonna enjoy themselves?? I just do not get it.. Did you get the date whens the reaper coming? What tact it pisses me off to the limit... and I am a kind a gentle soul damnit to hell. hah.. Well we are over it but one of these days.. how ugly is that..
he has been sick for years and when he called to tell them I had bone cancer they asked him please not to call back.. Joy the blessed love ones.. Now.. they are trying to make peace.. it is hard and we are but the lord is giving me a special blessing to do it.. I do not understand people sometimes. At the very least when you see everyone has something like all things you feel less alone in the fight. Besides everyone cant be a sweet as little ole me. haha..
Hugs and Much Love canser chicks and dudes.
Lindsay I cannot believe how lovely you are inside and out. I wish I could see everyones pic on this blog it is nice to put a name with a face. I have got to figure out how to do that. And to whoever has to keep signing on. I was having that trouble for a while then I realized just like my blog spelling YUKKO I would have some small thing off and have to sign in a few times to get it to post. Hope it gets better!
Sleep tight.. dont let the bed bugs bite and have yummy dreams!!
Callie
My canser dx led to three surgeries, a serious infection and subsequent lengthy hospitalization, ten days on a last-resort antibiotic that made me more sick than the infection, and finally, radiation therapy to my pelvis (including the private parts!). The radiation caused excrutiatingly painful burns -- I won't bore you with the other dreadful side effects. I ended up barely able to walk and on heavy-duty painkillers. All this also seriously exacerbated some other medical conditions I had before the canser. And all this happened within a period of three months.
I was taking a long medical leave from work during that time. As miserable as my radiation treatment was, the team at the treatment center was wonderful, except for one tech. One day when I came in, obviously in pain, she cheerfully asked, "How are you enjoying your vacation from work?" I wanted to say, "I'll go to work for you if you'll take my canser." But instead I leveled an icy gaze at her and said as coolly as I could, "I'm not on vacation."
"what stage in the cancer are you at?"
"oh, do you mean where am I at with my chemo?"
"No, what stage of the cancer were you diagnosed at?"
Did she really ask me that?
I blurted out: "Stage IV."
She almost fell over.
"But you look so good! Oh my god!"
Sitting at a dinner with a bunch of school moms with scarf on for first time:
"I heard that Krissy has stopped her treatment. There's nothing more they can do."
"Well, she was Stage IV for forever. There was no chance."
"And you know Mikeal finally died, right?"
"He did? gosh, he hung in there for a while, huh?"
My appetite left and so did I. Haven't spoken a word to them since.
Hey Kris or Bav or anyone else with nutritional expertise. I have a question about fruit intake. My background (again) Aug. 2006 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It did not mast. and it there was no lymph node involvement, but it was super aggressive. I had bi-lateral mast. chemo and raditation which ended last March. I also a year of herceptin....which ended about 2 weeks ago! I am on tamoxifin and ovary supression. So, I currently don't HAVE cancer but I had cancer and all the treatments that go with it. I transitioned to 70/30 using Dr. Young's book at the end of last summer and have been really good at sticking with it. I don't think I am totally alkalined, but I am consciously working toward it. I had gained weight from chemo and my meds. but have been loosing some now due to this diet, green juices, and wheatgrass. (I still have more to go, but it is slowly melting away!) I have also been consulting Natalia Rose Raw Diet book, but leaving out the fruit. I have also enjoyed your advice and CSC recipes. My question is what is your take on if I can re-introduce low-sugar fruits....and where do apples fall into that category? I miss my fruit. If it is detrimental to my health I will stay off it, but if some is okay I would LOVE it.....what do you suggest.
Laura
Dr Clements from Hippocrates says no fruit till you are healthy, then only 15% by weight per day.
? Kris?
debbiedoesraw@blogger.com
This may seem like an odd question, but what defines healthy?
Thanks everyone for your beautiful, encouraging, loving words here everyday!! I do not have cancer - just a few "idiopathic" autoimmune issues (paralyzed stomach, misc. food allergies (possibly celiac), etc. My question to Kris, or anyone: Ever heard of MIGUN? Infrared, heated, theraputic massage beds from Korea - I go to one place that sells the things ($3500 +), but you can use them for 1/2hour daily for free at the store - it's encouraged! Supposedly very detoxing. Also, how about Kumbucha (fermented stuff that comes in flavors & is very yummy!)
Thank you all - Kris, you have been my inspiration (& my 15 year old daughter loves you too!!)
I'm wondering if anyone can help me ? Has anyone tried The Magic Bullet for smoothies ? My blender is crap and i really want to try some smoothies ! Thank you !
peace, tina
I was vacationing in Europe with a group of friends from work [large religious corporation] and on our last day, another group of people who work for the Atlanta office of our company happened to check into the same hotel. We were chatting it up when one of them looked at me with my super-short hair [it had JUST started to grow back in] and sarcastically remarked, "wow, they must really do things differently up north. You'd NEVER get away with that haircut in Atlanta."
I looked her straight in the face with a blank stare and said calmly, "yeah, we do things a lot differently. Like, we don't make assumptions about why total strangers are bald. Oh, and by the way, you can have this haircut too. All you have to do is end up with a life-threatening illness, and your hair will fall out as well."
And I walked away....but when i looked back, that woman was still standing there with her mouth open. I just smiled at her, waved, and walked away laughing.
Classic.
Kris, et al...
I am a mom of two kids who was diagnosed one year ago Christmas Day with brain cancer. I made quite an impression upon my family as I had a grand mal seizure in front of all that crisp, usually joy filled Christmas morn. Brain surgery followed a few days later. Going from watching the sky for Santa and Rudolph to brain cancer, literally overnight, is no holiday party.
As I am a research libarian by profession, and an absolute research freak, as soon as I could sit up in the hospital bed following surgery and make sense of the world, I asked my husband to bring my laptop so I could begin to research my treatment options. The more I read, the more I realized I did not know. I cancelled my radiation appointments which were to begin soon, and bought a juicer instead. I read until my head hurt (literally), I contacted people across the country, I joined online support groups. Most importantly, I closed the door on fear, I began a raw food diet, and I moved on with life. After three months of recovery, I went back to my two part time jobs, homeschooling my kids, doing the laundry and wondering what was for dinner.
This past year has been a journey. A journey of hurting, healing. Moving forward, sliding backward. Joyous, sad. Hopeful, fearful.
I recently ordered the Crazy Sexy Cancer book for our library, and read it cover to cover with much jubilation. I enjoyed every page, and am even happier to have found this blog. Every single comment, bit of information, thought, and feeling expressed by you I have either learned, lived, or expressed at some point in this past year. I feel like I have found a true home here, among other women, some with rare cancer like what I am experiencing. As women, some of us with families to love while we try to function ourselves, are uniquely challenged. I look forward to much sharing and support. Thanks for this venue. Together, and one by one, all of us CAN make a difference in our own lives, and in the lives of everyone affected with cancer!
Lori
www.caringbridge.com/visit/librarymom
Lori,
Wow, thanks for joining us! Are you still on a raw food diet? Do you test to see if you are alkaline?
What books do you reccomend in addition to the one's that Kris does?
Thanks for being here!
debbie
debbiedoesraw@blogger.com
So I was wondering if anyone can give me info on artificial sweetners. I've been staying away from them obviously since I've been eating more raw natural food.
My mother for her own reasons has recently decided to stay away from them as well. She has type 2 diabetes and she has done a great job at staying away from sugar. My father thinks she's getting too excessive with watching her diet. He thinks she's delusional because she been feeling better since staying away. My father isn't totally in the wrong for thinking that way since my mom has been known to think she has the symptoms of every different illness she finds out about :)
Anyways, my father emailed his go to doctor about aspartame and his doctor gave him this link: http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/aspartame.asp
It basically says artificial sweetners (AS) are harmless.
So I need my own link to send to my father so that he won't make my mom feel silly for cutting out AS.
Thanks!
p.s. i can't believe a doctor would give a link to snopes.com.
Lauren,
PLEASE don't be fooled... Aspartame is not something that you want to put into your body... for even a Healthy person, I might have your father read this link
http://www.nexusmagazine.com/
articles/aspartame.html
and have him make his mind up for himself,
good luck with everything,
sincerely,
Clint
I do not have a personal cancer faux pas..as I personally do not have cancer.
However, my brother-in-law has ASPS and one "cancer faux pas" that I know has deeply bothered him is people in his life doing the disappearing act after his diagnosis.
I ran into one of our mutual friends (and his childhood friend) at a party. When I mentioned that Dave would love to see him. His responds was "It just so hard for me to see him like that."
I quickly responded with "Don't you think this is harder for him then you? I'm sure he would love to know that his friends really do love him and be there for him through thick and thin. After all, thats what friends are supposed to be in your life for. Please call him or swing by the house."
Kris- I admire you facing that bitch with humor and grace.
I think all you breast cancer/mastectomy survivors are so brave and more feminine and beautiful than anyone who ever stared at you or called you "sir". People are so ignorant. I would much rather have a surgery scarred outside (which I do) than an ugly/mean inside!!
P.S. Thanks Callie I think that was to me bc I think I'm the only Lindsay on here lol. That made me smile! And you're right, lets see more pictures!
Thank you Clint!
I thought of one!
I was in the midst of my second round of chemotherapy after a re-occurance of a brain tumor. During that time, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Thinking it would be a bonding experience, I called my father to offer moral support and any help I could. When I asked him what treatment he was going to pursue, he said: "Well, I'm not going to do chemotherapy. That never works."
Tae- You touched on something that has been nagging at me.. and I have not changed in appearance or health...many 'friends' that I told of my diagnosis have been scarce.. not in an obvious way but I noticed that there was a group of people that did not seem to be available much anymore..hmm..
Could just be my imagination.. don't they know it's not contagious?
My Bff tells me it means that they are not really my friends.. I have to agree.
debbiedoesraw@blogger.com
debbiesdoesraw-
While I truly hope most of the general population is informed enough to know that cancer is not "catchy", the only real reason I can find why these once loyal friends hit the high road is because they no longer know how to relate to you.
I have seen how cancer has changed my brother-in-law. He is not a worse Dave or a better Dave, just a different one. He is young and having something very monumental happen in his life. I think all of friends, who are lacking life experience, get scared off by the heavy realness of their own mortality.
With that said, that is still a LAME reason stop abandon a friend at a time when they need you the most. However, C has given Dave the chance to strengthen the relationships with people who are strong enough to stick around.
I will tell you, precancer, Dave and I were stereotypical in-laws. We liked one another, but only had a relationship through my husband, Ken. After he got sick, we bonded. Ken and I took turns sleeping in the chair next to his bed in the hospital on the nights he was to freaked out to be by himself. He started opening up to me about his fears and thoughts about the cancer and all the other things happening in his life and, in turn, I was able start opening up to him. We have became very close friends.
Today, I love him more then my own siblings...as we have been through more together. That is the silver lining I find in this experience daily. Without the cancer, I might never had had the opportunity to know him as deeply as I do.
Kris, if you inspire me any more I'm going to have to start paying you commission. Grrrl thank you so much for the words of wisdom on the writing thang. Love the timer idea and the soul snacks to avoid "writer's chunky chub." See! That right there is such a Kris Carr crazy creation! Will you just write my book for me? You seem to be able to do it all, so what's one more teeny tiny li'l project? Pretty please. (Bats eyelashes.) Seriously, I adore your soul, your writing, your filmmaking...and dammit, you're gorgeous, too. At least you have "that little health thing." I mean, really, I can only take so much. (I know Kris with her crazy sexy humor will get it, but for those of you who don't, GIANT Disclaimer: Gentle reader, please note that the previous was an INTENTIONAL faux pas in keeping with the theme of this here blog. Whew.)
There is one part of my book that will be easy to write- a big fat thank you to the dear friend I have never met. But then, maybe by the time I finish the damn book (circa 2012) we will have met. That'd be cool. I, too had the completely surreal experience of sitting on that yellow couch next to the almighty Ms O. Would love to discuss the utter trippiness of that event. I'm all for the CS Slumber Party idea that's been mentioned previously. Just don't have it in the next couple of weeks. I'll be in LA. Ahh, land of the raw food eating, wheatgrass slurping, colon-cleansing hipsters. My peeps. (I'm getting my first colonic next week! Woo-hoo!)
Speaking of "my peeps," I completely agree with you, Debbiedoesraw, about finding out who your real friends are when you have a health crisis. It felt to me like a veil had been lifted and I suddenly saw clearly who my true-blue peeps were. The wheat was separated from the chaff. (Anyone raised in Bible-land get that reference?) The friends who disappeared or just didn't get it have fallen by the way side, but the ones who decided to (as Dr. Robin says) "show up like a grown up" are more precious to me than ever before. They are in my innermost sanctuary. Hmmm...I think I may have stolen that expression from my favorite cowgirl author.
Callie, in case you missed it, Kris gave the go-ahead on coconut oil! My husband is forever in her debt. ;) Quick- go slather some on Duncan!
Lori from the library- thanks for your very honest and touching post. Huge hugs and love to you, sistuh.
Also, thanks to those who posted positive tales about the kindness of strangers or sons. I needed those boosts as I was reading these comments. I was beginning to want to murder much of mankind.
Kris, food for thought for the book- people obviously need some guidance about what they SHOULD say and do for their friends/loved ones who are facing health challenges. I wonder if you might include some tips on how NOT to faux the pas. Sorry this is so long. If only I could crank out this many words each day for my book. Oy. xoxo, Sandra
Hi All-
Sandra Joseph inspired me to ask you all to do school pictures. We're such a tight and growing group. Mama cowgirl wants to see photos of the kids! How about it?
Also, SJ, girrrrl. You are a wild star! Broadway! I did a few little ditties myself. The days of auditioning are over for me now (too wacky and I'm too bossy). I'd love to write your book for you hon but you need to sweat blood or it won't be a NY Times Bestseller. I was hoping for one myself but I guess I only glowed a little blood. Next time! You are sassy and succulent! Go turn LA on it's head and show them how we kicked out of the park NY style! Ny actors RULE.
And yes, I will be writing some how-to avoid behaving like a mongrel. Once you step into a faux pas you ruin your manolo's.
Now go write. One hour today! GO!
tae- if only every canser and chronic cowgirl and chap could have someone like you , what a blessing that would be ! I loved your story, it gave me the warm fuzzies,:)
peace and green drinks, tina
Tae-You are the kind of person we all need when the chips are down. Your bil is so lucky to have you in his life and so is your hubby.
Tell them to give you giant bear hugs today, you deserve some lovin'!
deb
Hey Kris,
Well here is the photo I hope it is connected correctly. Playing Mrs. Claus and picking out the tree.. ha..
Love to all you Canser Chicks we are a good looking group.. we need a party a year from now.. to celebrate Kris and her magic..
Love to you all. Callie
Mrs. Claus is making a run to the store for some cocoanut oil. halljalpena! Thank you Sandra Joseph and your hair is glorious. I love it!!
Callie
analin it was you Lindsay! hugs.
Debbiedoesraw and Tina,
Aw, thank you for the lovin! You made me smile on this yucky winter day!
I am so glad to be able to be here for him. However, I need some advice.
Depression has hit Dave hard lately. He has been snappy and ungrateful and, well, just pissing me off. I know his attitude has nothing to do with me, but it is really starting to get to me.
I want him to feel like he can be himself with me and not have to edit his thoughts and feelings, but I certainly do not feel like its okay for him to storm around the house demanding things from me and Ken. I don't want to snap at him...but I feel so unappreciated by him this past week or so.
What do I say to him?
Tae: Sounds like it's time to set some boundaries ie: tell him that it is not ok to talk to you, treat you etc however it is he is treating or talking to you. This does not mean you are not understanding and don't care, it means you are taking care of YOU! Gotta do that first, it's the old oxygen mask deal, you breath first so you can help others...
Try the style : "When you ______, I feel ______." He probably does not realize what his behavior is doing to you and I am sure he does not mean to attack you personally. It is hard to give someone warm fuzzies when all you are getting is the mean spikies from them!
Hang in there.. you can always take a time out and go get a massage or some such personal care time!
deb
Okay, so now I am on the look out for cancer 'faux pas.' I just got back from a 5 year-old birthday party. I was talking to another mother who I have known from around town. We were actually talking about nutrition etc. and I started in with CSC 80/20 etc. and I mentioned something about cancer and said "wait a minute, you have cancer?" I told her my story blah blah blah and she said "well, its okay because your all better and you only had a little bit of cancer, not anything huge." Cancer is cancer, big or small.
A friend reminded me of a time when I ran into another friend in the grocery store parking lot and I had worn my wig for the very first time. My friend YELLED across the parking lot "your wig looks great, don't worry no one will know." If they didn't know than she had just told them. I live in a tiny town so everyone knew, but it didn't need to be advertised that way....I was mortified.
I was at a neighborhood party last night and was telling a friend about how freaked out I got when my mom (we did bc together)was diagnosed with IV lc this summer. I had started thinking it's gonna come back, it's just a matter of when... Then I started exploring how nutrition could help and stumbled across CSC, blah, blah, blah. She poured herself another glass of wine and said well, I'm glad you have been able to postpone it.
Hi!
Debbie, yes I am still following a raw foods diet. I do need to make exceptions, however. I am always raw until dinner. But, with working two part-time jobs at odd times so I can be home with the kids, and having two kids and a husband who is working his own two jobs, meal time is always a huge deal. I spend a huge amount of time every day juicing (I juice once a day), and making two meals for every meal. The kids and hubby are vegetarians, so they are not too far off from what I am doing, but it still necessitates two meals. Also, sugar is my downfall. At the end of every day I love to have a cookie (who doesn't?!). Sigh. It is a true struggle. I make it a "good" cookie, made with whole,orgnic, simple ingredients, but it IS a cookie! Srangely enough, even though intellectually I know that sugar feeds cancer, I still reach for that cookie- and enjoy it. It is obviously an emotional issue for me. I am a thin and in-shape person, and I have always been able to eat what I wanted without weight gain. The raw food diet is not hard for me, but the sugar restriction is.
In 2008 I will begin the year with a detox, a candida detox definitely among those detoxes as I realize that sugar issue is probably also related to yeast overgrowth as most cancer survivors have yeast.
In answer to your question about what books I have read/enjoyed- I have read them all. Really, being a librarian "in the stacks" and spending the little "free time" I have in a bookstore, I have read all that is currently on the market. I get valuable bits and pieces from each and every one, and synthesize it all in my little 'ole brain.
Thanks for the warm welcome, I love it here!
Right after I returned to work after brain surgery, someone at the library, a person who shall remain nameless (part of the administration), came up to me and asked how I was. I replied that I was doing well. She then said, "Well, I am glad you can still get out". Still get out?! I am doing more on a daily basis than she ever did or will do! I also looked better than she did or ever would- even with my patially shaved head! I am sure she envisioned me totally hapless after hearing I had brain surgery, and brain cancer.
Tae,
Oh honey pie do I feel your pain. Duncan can get as fussy as a caged bee somedays.. I think we who love and take care ( pyhsical, mental and emotional care) of our spouses from whatever illness.. forget sometimes that when we have the flu or something we hate it. soooo much.. I swear it has been years of good days and bad wth Duncan's ALS and my bone canser but I always seem to forget Duncan's pet peeve. (before I start his I am not saying it is your husbands problem) Anyway Duncan's peeve it that I hoover and ask him what he needs or what is wrong or what can I do for him about 700,000 times a day. He gets soooo grumpy and depressed at times just like I do and then I try and figure him out. Boy that is a toxic mix for us.. I run around trying to make his life perfect and he just needs to be left alone and treated like he is normal which he is.. I just hold him like an egg that will break sometimes... Like me and PMS... cheese whiz.. he can drive me nuts.. all this is just to say that he may want some alone time and some time when maybe you let him make dinner or fold the clothes or some chore that makes him feel normal. I was thinking just what would you tell your husband if he wasn't sick? Would you say hey... honey your being an asshole... Maybe forgetting he is sick as hard as that sounds may just be the ticket he may need a little shaking up..Some days.. Duncan just cannot wait to not feel normal and when you are realy sick somedays you get just really pissed that you may not have a normal day again then you resent those who help you the most and act like an ass to all those around you. I would b willing to bet that these moody blues will pass like a cloudy sky and life will be back to a loving normal house hold life before to long. I will have so say sometimes Dunc and I need a bit of a fight to set the planets right and a bit of sandra Josephs cocanut oil to kiss and make-up hahah..
I do so want to say the right thing.. I want to make you feel better and I wish I had a fix it to pass thru this mail.
Know we all here know that things can get a bit sticky but that just makes the happy perfect parts of marriage all the better..
Oh this is all said so badly.
Hugs.. and love.. and hand in there you are doing a great job.
Callie
To Lauren on artificial sweeteners...
Are you familiar with Mercola.com or Newstarget.com? They are great sites and the following addresses have articles on the dangers of artificial sweeteners:
http://search.mercola.com/Results.aspx?q=artificial%20sweeteners
http://www.newstarget.com/aspartame.html
Just want to say thanks for the great articles on the dangers of artificial sweetners.
My mom courageously battled breast cancer for 10 years but never saw the need to give up diet soda despite the recommendations from her doctors. It was her vice (6 or more a day ever since I can remember as a child) - I don't blame her - there was very little literature to support the need to.
But my husband drinks diet soda and diet enery drinks many times daily. He keeps telling me that there is no research to support my claims, so I am happy to be able to provide some literature. But he did come home yesterday with a "natural" energy drink - baby steps, right? It is definitely in the right direction and with a little more time I know he will make the transition... He has accepted the wheatgrass every morning and even requests the fresh green drinks now (he likes The Green Lemonade from Natalia Rose's book). :)
You all are so brave - I admire your strength, courage, love, understanding, and disciplined lifestyles!
Above the question was asked which powdered green drink to take if on the go and you can't juice fresh. I use Green Vibrance (mentioned above also) and was told by a nutritionalist working at the local health store that it is the best product on the market (but pricy!). Kris, do you have a different favorite? But my husband tells me when he is finished with it that it was like making out with a mermaid. :)
I am on my way to the health store to find some treats to blend into my juice........ Thanks for the sight.
Thank you Librarymom for the links!
Wow - I've missed two posts! What a busy crazy few days I've had.
Tae - just wanted to try and comment on your mention of Dave's depression and how he's been snappy & ungrateful. I don't have cancer but I understand depression. Lately things have been hitting me harder and although I don't feel that I'm sinking into a full depression again, I've noticed that no matter how hard I try my patience are shorter than normal and I feel so stressed. I've also been very mean. I knew I had been short and snappy lately but it wasn't until my sister visited this week and pointed out to me that I've been very mean to the people around me. It wasn't even something I had noticed! Maybe Dave doesn't realized the extent of his behaviour? Sometimes I find it helpful if the people around me just give me some space and let me know that if I do need to talk they will be there but until then, they'd be happy to give me time to myself? But that is me. It may be completely different for Dave.
Best of luck and hang in there. You're obviously a very generous and unselfish person.
Dear Kris,
Thank you SO MUCH for the opportunity to share the incredibly stupid things that have been said to me. I finally got so fed up by one person's insensitive comments, I put them on my own blog just so I could release them. I called this, "What Not To Say":
The American Cancer Society, along with a number of other cancer-related web sites, have pages dedicated to helping friends and family know what to say to their loved one who has been diagnosed. Among the most helpful advice is to offer specific help, and to not put more pressure on the individual. I am very fortunate that most of the people I know either read these sites or knew instinctively what to do and say. Friends I hadn't seen in a long time brought a meal or sent a card with well wishes. Those closest to me were and are nothing less than completely supportive and loving.
However, despite all of that kindness, the words of one individual, who thought they were being funny or something, keep coming back to me. This person called me a few days before my surgery with some questions they felt were appropriate. These included:
- Do you intend to make it through the sugery?
- Have you made arrangements in case you don't make it?
- Has your husband said goodbye to your breasts?
- Have you taken pictures of your breasts so you'll remember what they looked like?
Two months after my surgery I am struggling with chronic nausea and exhaustion from the Tamoxifen, anger and frustration about my mutiliated body, and difficulty figuring out what I am supposed to do with one person's utter lack of sensitivity.
Up until now, I kept this to myself because I didn't think it was worthy of repetition, but it hurt and I didn't know what to do. I've taken steps to protect myself and my children from this person, as they clearly do not understand boundaries or what is appropriate, but it still bothered me. Then yesterday, as I cleaned out my closet to get rid of all the clothes I can no longer wear, I realized that I still have power. I can take action to remove the things that no longer work for me, like my old clothes, and just maybe, I can get rid of a hurt by writing down.
Because really, as I read the words on the screen now, they are not a reflection on me, they are just the words of an ignorant person who really should have visited the American Cancer Society web site.
------------------------
More on my blog: randombreastcancer.blogspot.com
Thanks for letting this cancer babe share!
Andrea
Hi Kris,
You and your book/film are an inspiration to me.
I wanted to add to your "faux pas"
I was telling an acquaintance the news about my diagnosis of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and how the Dr. said it was one of the ones they don't treat till it becomes aggressive and then hope for a remission as it is a chronic cancer with no cure yet, well she then replied "well at least you won't die from it"!
Tae/Callie:
I hear ya, sisters! My husband has Castlemans Disease (an extremely rare "lymphoma imposter"). But now we found out last week that he may have Lymphoma ALSO. You know, because 2 cancers in the family (I have incurable GIST) aren't enough; we need a 3rd one for extra fun!
Well, he's been a real bear for the past week. Very cranky, and I seem to keep ending up on his bad side. I feel like everything I do is just annoying the crap out of him!
It was really getting me down for a few days, but then I realized that he has NO outlet for his fears & frustration - I have my journal, my blog, my cancer cowgirls, my GIST e-mail friends, etc. He doesn't have ANY of that - besides me, he doesn't know anyone else with cancer. So I was thinking, what would I do without my journal/blog/cowgirls? I'd probably be a psychotic bitch!!
Realizing this made it much easier to see things from his perspective. Tae/Callie, I'm guessing your husbands don't have an outlet either?? It's ironic, really - I think a lot of men (Clint, I did not say "all" - smile) think it's not manly to need to talk about their feelings, so they don't bother with things like blogs...but then they end up so miserable because they really need that outlet!
Anyway, Tae/Callie, hang in there (and I will too!)...and then come commiserate with us here!
-Laura
www.castlemans.blogspot.com
Lifesgrandslam,
Well, I am truely sorry you are going thru this right now. Three cancers in one family is hard. Sometimes, I look at perfectly normal families and think...WTF. How could my family suffer so much and survive. But then I realize that thanks to God we have thrived. Which is a blessing. We have had it all... from booking two hospital beds when I had surgery, to selling everything down to the knic naks in the house to survive. I tell you. Nothing is easy. But as the dust settled we have re-built. re-cooped. And we are different. I do think we have been given an opportunity to know the value of life and the small things that make us happy and have learned that our focus doesn't always have to be on the pain, or the hell of the illness. It is hard .. and people dont get that. So many feel like Duncan is retired and sleeps all day and I run the mission. Life is so much more than that.. from running iv's and scheduling nursing, meds, and dr., and home health care.. it can be ddaunting but I tell you once you master running canser you can run the world. Look at Kris she is taking it over. Go Girl.
I will keep you both in my prayers. You have a special spot here. I was thinking we have a few men we should try and get some of the husbands involved with blogging. It would give them a laugh when they need it and a place to put there feelings.
Hang in there. Many blessings to each of you... my friends in cyberspace. Much love to you all. I miss you when you dont check in.. Tae, Bav, Susan, Kris, everone else. Hugs and much love.
Callie
What a rude biatch! Some people!! I just got rid of a rude doctor myself. I had to call him on a weekend because I had thrush but didn't know it at the time. All I knew was that I was in pain. This loser first asks me how I got his pager number. Then, after I give him all the details he says; "What do you expect me to do on a Saturday when the office is closed. He was suppose to be my oncologist. I suffer for 3 days before I was given antibiotics and then 2 more days before it started to make a difference.
Hi All
I do not have canSer but I do have Lupus.
When my rhumeotologist finally diagnosed me, my GP said to me (quite cheerily I might add) "Well at least shortened lifespan syndrom isn't as prevalant as it use to be" !!!
Shortened lifespan is a syndrom?!! I think that statement floored me more than actually have the illness did.
Hugs
Zuki
PS
I just wanted to thank Kris & all the Cowgirls/guys out there. The strength & your stories have been truly inspirational!
Kris,
read your book. love it.
I'm a breast cancer survivor dx at 31.
Here is something I wrote on my blog about canser faux pas back in August 2005.
Most of the comments I got from a message board on www.youngsurvivalcoalition.org.
we had a good laugh
41 things not to say to a cancer patient..
and the comments they had wished they said.
I belong to the Young Survival Coalition. We have a message board on line that we use to discuss treatment, get understanding, talk about all the challenges we face, vent, and also laugh and make new friends. One of the girls started a discussion about stupid comments. What they had to say in return is even more funny. (or what they thought in their heads for the most part)
so, this is for someone that might get these comments thrown at them when going through cancer treatment. don't we always seem to think of stuff to say after the fact. right? so now you'll be prepared. (well, that is if you can remember the comeback with chemo brain and all)..
and its also to help others so they don't stick their foot in their mouths when talking to someone who has cancer. we know you don't know what to say...its all in good fun.
"the past is in the past and the future is unknown. you can only live in the present and that's why its a gift"
"you could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus" (not a good analogy, its like i'm standing blindfolded in the middle of the fucking freeway with 100 of them coming at me) or (its like i already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me)
"you gotta think positively" (ok, i'm positive i had cancer, and i'm positive that it wasn't fun)
"my (fill in blank here) had (fill in type here) cancer and that was (fill in number) years ago. you'll be fine"
"your lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo. (fuck you!)
"so, your fine now right?"
"don't worry"
"so things are back to normal now right?"
"my grandmom died of that" (oh really, well fuck you!) or (gee, is it hereditary?)
"they burned my so and so's heart and lungs when he had radiation"
"nice fro"
"God gives you what you can handle"
"what's your prognosis?"
"can i see what's going on under that hat"
"if anyone can beat it, its you" (no shit!)
"at least you got a good kind of cancer"
"if its not your time, its not your time" (then why bother with surgery and treatment? duh!)
"life is not fair" (thanks for the heads up, asshole)
"every cloud has a silver lining"
"its just a bump in the road" (living with a cancer diagnoses, losing your hair, getting poison injected in your veins, having breast surgery, getting radiation, having old lady bones, being cautious for lymphodema, gaining weight, not sleeping well, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious..is not just a bump - its a major fucking mountain)
"remember lance"
"you gotta be like lance"
"lance beat cancer"
"just look at lance"
"wow, that went by fast, didn't it"? (um, yeah, two surgeries, chemo, radiation; 6 months have never flown by sooo quickly for me)
"i had a friend with cancer but i think her chemo was more intense than yours" (maybe i just didn't whine as much)
"just think, your done"! (done? I'm done?..i guess i'm done with cancer everyone. nothing left to do. How about hormonal therapy, all the side effects, more boob surgery and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence..fucking done my ass!)
"you look good bald" (WTF?)
"so was it (the cancer) bad?" (oh no, i had the good kind)
"did they catch it early?"
"wow, your head is really big"
"well, is it working"..(how am i supposed to know, its going to be a fucking wait and see for the rest of my life, thank you very much)
"this is a treatable disease"
"you will be able to recover from this"
"you have a nice shaped head" (thanks)
"how do you know if its working" ( i die, if it didn't work)
"you know you can eat more curry, its supposed to kill cancer cells" (great tip)
"you'll be fine, you have a great attitude" (if attitude really matters then why did i get cancer in the first place? or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. what does that mean?)
"if you really want to live, you will. just never give up. when people give up, they die" (if i were hit and killed by that bus would they think i died because i gave up?)
"i'll be thinking about you getting chemo while i'm laying on the beach", "have fun while i'm gone" ( i don't know what she was smoking, but i want some of that)
"well, just remember, its only temporary" or "don't worry, it will grow back" (doesn't help asshole)
here is the link.
http://pinkprozac.typepad.com/pink_prozac/2005/08/what_not_to_say.html
hope you like!
Kristi Collins
oops
website for young survival coalition is
www.youngsurvival.org
my webpage
www.pinkprozac.typepad.com
ok, i'll stop leaving comments now
kristi collins
This post has gotten me thinking, so I was wondering if any of you could share your thoughts if you have time.
When I graduate from school I'm going to be working in hospitals with children to help them understand what's going on and make the setting less threatening.
Part of my job will be to talk to children in language they can understand about an illness they might have or a close family member might have.
So those of you with children or who have experience with kids, how have you explained a serious illness to them?
And by children I mean any age from early childhood into adolescence, perhaps even young adults.
Thank you.
Lauren-I'd be willing to help. I'm a young adult cancer survivor that was diagnosed at 15 (I am 24 now). I am involved with a lot of the families at my Dr's office (he is a ped onc). Leave me a message on my blog and we'll 'chat'...
iamobsessedwithlife.blogspot.com
Thanks.
Rachel
Thank you all for your ideas and warm words in regards to my brother-in-law.
I needed to come in and visit my CSC gals! I have found myself fall out of the lifestyle the past few days, allowing the stress of the holidays, work and life take priority over myself and what is best for me.
I am grabbing a big glass of filtered water and getting back on my CSC horse!
Calli-love, I always love seeing you check in too. YOur words and ideas are always so full of positive energy, I can't help but smile after your posts!
Hi Rachel! Thank you! I'm definitely going to leave a comment on your blog as soon as my computer lets me. For some reason I can't see your blog. Your Christmas blog shows up for a second and then disappears. Very wierd.
I think my comp. is probably being wacky.
To Kris and other bloggers -- so sorry to leave comments that aren't on topic.
Ok, another faux pas, I can't leave this one out!
When I was first dx, Gleevec (a relatively new oral targeted therapy for GIST & CML) was still in clinical trials. It was very lucky for me, because just a few months prior to my dx, there was NO treatment for GIST. So I enrolled in a clinical trial immediately.
Some genius then said to me, "Do you think it's safe to take this drug? I mean, it's so new you don't know anything about the long term effects on your body - it could even be toxic!" I then had the pleasant task of explaining that if I didn't try the drug, I wouldn't *have* a "long term", period!
Callie, I love the way you think - you're a lot like me, in that you try to keep things in perspective. Even though my hubby & I both have cancers that are not yet curable, we're both in relatively good health...not to mention, crazy in love with each other!
Lauren, I have a 7 1/2 year old son & I've never explained my disease to him. He was less than a year old when I was dx, so at the time it wasn't an issue. Now that he's getting older, I've been wondering when & how to talk to him about it. His father (my ex-husband) is really pressuring me to tell him, but I want to do it very carefully so as not to scare him. The LAST thing I want is to tell him Mom has cancer, then have him hear on the bus the next day that his buddy's grandpa had cancer & died...poor little guy doesn't need that kind of stress. I'll be curious to hear more about what you come up with.
-laura
----------------
www.castlemans.blogspot.com
www.carepages.com - "LauraKukucka"
Thank you Laura for your thoughts on my inquiry. I appreciate it.
Oh I just had something else to add.
You should check out some books on the subject because I believe there are lots. It could be helpful I don't know.
I think the American Cancer Society has one about talking to kids and there's a whole workbook included. I can't recommend any books yet from personal experience though. I put lots on my christmas list!
I laughed out loud at Kristi's comments. I find people are really uncomfortable sometimes and blurt out the weirdest things:
1- At least you've lost weight!
2- You look great! (I tell them they would look great too if they used what I do: it's called makeup and it takes an hour to put on -
3- How do you keep busy? Between chemo and bandage changes for my PIC line I manage. I should have said: Answering stupid questions from people like you. Keep laughing. It helps.
P.S. I wear my Fuck Cancer Hat to Chemo sometimes and it is hilarious when people don't notice the words right away. The double take is fun to watch.
Here's a perspective from the reporter's side of the interview table (which isn't to excuse local TV twinkie, but just some additional thoughts). A few years ago Larry King interviewed Olivia Newton John about her breast cancer and I was horrified to hear him ask her if her mastectomy affected her sex life. I mean, really, how rude is that? It horrified her too, it seems, because she referred to that interview in another interview several years later...kindly not mentioning Larry's name.
But THEN...I started writing a book which heavily relied on Q&A style material, and I interviewed over 25 people for this book. And discovered that there is a terrific use for questions that might seem rude or stupid. To wit: They give the interviewee the chance to clear up misperceptions and answer questions the general population is afraid to ask. So in effect, the interviewer is throwing herself on the sword of inquiry so her viewers don't have to.
Now this doesn't excuse Local TV Twinkie's rude behavior. She seems to have confused herself with investigative journalists, who have a good reason not to share their questions in advance. And they don't really have to. But a setting like a live morning talk show where you're trying to get the most/best information delivered to your audience in the fastest amount of time is the place for a collaborative interview partnership. Not a BS confrontation with a preening phoney baloney who thinks she's all that behind her false eyelashes.
But, next time you get a SUPER rude question or a SUPER stupid question, consider that she's done you the favor of being able to relieve an entire audience of the mystery of the afraid-to-ask questions, because they don't want to appear super rude and super stupid.
I'm a gigantic fan of yours, Kris. Love your voice and vision.
Martha Finney
After being diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer, I was told I needed chemo. I had a blood test before surgery to install a port. The blood tech asked "What kind of cancer do you have?" "Lung," I said. "What KIND of lung?" she asked, and began rattling off a few. Then she said "My husband was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in September. He died before Christmas."
I just stared at her and finally said, "And you told me this because....?"
On a lighter note, one of the nurses in the chemo room said that he had dropped the phrase "kill two birds with one stone" after a patient complained about his choice of words.
Treat Cancer with Flavonoids:
www.treat-cancer.nl
Treat-Cancer.nl
kris
great book. the stuff for 50+ is soggy stuff. your book is so full of life. and since i am still alive i really like that. going for exploratory surgery soon and needed something to hold onto until dx. can you believe it no support for almost dx just cheerfull blah blah...
Mary
Hi Michael: I think it is great you are here. It will make you enjoy life more. I personally welcome you with open arms. I wish I cruised more boards like this before getting ill.
The tumor shifted tonight. I thought it torqued or was about to burst one of the warning they gave. I have spent a long hard night. Feeling more like me again. I was this close to going to ER.
Good night, God bless.
So this is way late and I know it won't be in the book, but I thought I'd share anyway since I was just rehashing this with a friend and on PC:
Okay so, I have to go to lots of event schmooze fest things that are work related, and I seriously...get asked the 'oh my gosh you look so skinny and fabulous WHAT is your secret' comment ALL the time. I always respond with 'aw thank you, chemotherapy! It's AMAZING'. That usually shuts them up pretty fast.
A bit ago I was asked what I do to stay so skinny and fabulous, and I told the woman I'd be happy to give her my oncologists card, she got really excited because she clearly wasn't really listening to what I was saying (one of my biggest pet peeves) and once she processed it, her entire face dropped. It's okay though, I held her champagne for her while she lifted her foot and inserted it into her mouth. And instead of apologizing or anything she just gave me a dirty look, flipped her hair over her shoulder, and walked away. Classy broad right?
I've also had my neighbor leave me home made muffins (that I couldn't even eat because of the ingredients) complete with brochures on how to 'die right' outside my door. Apparently, I can't even die properly. But I mean, who DOES that?
I've been told I'm 'cool for a sick chick'...I've had people say 'oh really? I know someone who JUST died from that'.
Other things like 'such a shame, you're so pretty' or 'you're so brave' or 'you poor thing' or my personal favorite 'maybe you can find Jesus and he will save you'.
OH and my favorite favorite: 'you have cancer? but I thought your family was like, uber wealthy'.
I could go on and on but those are just a few of them. :)
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