Hi Beloveds! Hi JENNIFER! :)
This is a quick mini post. I'm writing more Cancer Faux Pas' in the companion book I am scribbling for you. Remember that funny blog I wrote about what to say when people say the darndest things? Well I'd love to include more of some the silly, crazy, dumb ass stuff people have uttered when they hear we have cancer. Any interest in contributing? Please note that if you post then that means you give us permission to use your story in the book. I will change your name of course! Clean up the typos too. Come on share! I'll tell you if you tell me. LOL!
xo and giggles...
OK, here's one from the new book - hot off the press - a little teaser for ya. That is if they let me print it! :)
"When I went on my book tour my publicist gave the local media and radio stations a list of acceptable prep questions. They were ready and so was I. Most of the interviewers tossed the page into the office shredder, but at least they hovered in the general direction of respectful. Of course there were a couple of cancer faux pas frontiers men who opened mouth and inserted foot or cheap high heel.
Example: A God awful early show in the middle of boon dock America. I show up and the host treats me like I have the plague. I fake sneeze in her direction just to make myself chuckle. Then I asked her to give me the heads up on what questions she would be asking me. The wench flat out said NO. Huh? Didn’t she want the interview to go smoothly? It wasn’t like I was asking her to cheat on her SAT’s. The crew mic’d me up and as the cameras rolled I began to sink in horror as she looked straight down the barrel of the lens with this tragic, car crash look on her face. “Wow, we’re here with Kris Carr, the author and filmmaker who bravely recorded her tragic life and possible death. Good morning Kris, how are you feeling dear?”
I wanted to stab her in the eye with a shrimp fork, to foam and cuss. I wanted to light her hair on fire with a can of Aqua Net and a Bic lighter flame thrower. Was she raised in a barn? Did she have a mother who taught her manners? You know, like elbows off the table, say please and thank you and don’t harass the cancer chick? I was trapped. Coifed and camera ready as they zoomed in on my victim close-up. I felt humiliated for catching cancer and for “bravely’ sharing my story with the world.
Just then, my sass kicked in. Oh no, not today Suzie. You are messin’ with the wrong babe and I can play dirty too bitch. “Wow, that was pretty fucking dramatic for 5 am don’t ya think? Good morning city X, how’s it hanging?” OK, so I didn’t say “fucking” OR how’s it hanging because I was afraid my publishers would tan my hide and did they spent a lot of money sending me on the bus-and-truck cancer tour. But damn I wanted to!
You might get slain but more than likely those incidents will be few and far between. Humor helps tremendously so do lies! Sometimes when I just don’t feel like telling people my story I pretend that I write about bees. Or that I make porn, that always shuts them up."
PS. Depression post this weekend. We really must dish the blues. Right? Especially now that we're stuck inside for the winter. XOXOX
More canSer faux pas'...
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Posted by cancer cowgirl xo at 3:25 PM