Monday, April 28, 2008

Fear of Flying, Anyone?!

Happy Monday Fearless Warriors!!

As many of you know Miss Kris, Dr Beth and yours truly recently conducted our first Crazy Sexy Boot Camp at The Crossings in Austin TX. It was truly transformative. The emotional focus of the weekend was on overcoming fear and manifesting the future. Of course there was an array other helpful info, powerful exercises, yoga, healing circles, nutrition, Reiki, creative writing, massage and warm healing amethyst mats, to name a few. In keeping with this theme we had a whole afternoon to experience the “fear transcending” power of the trapeze with our fine leader and Ringling Brothers alumni, Peter Gold and his amazingly fit and talented (and HOT) team. They inspired us to fly higher than we thought we could…well actually higher than I EVER thought I could because up until Saturday April 19, 2008 I had an excruciating fear of heights in open spaces. This brings me to the topic at hand: Fear. Why do we have it? How can we harness it? How do we learn from it and NOT let it be drive the truck?!

Fear is a normal human emotion that was an important tool for survival centuries ago. But since it is unlikely that a lion will eat us these days, why is fear still so prevalent in our lives? Yes it can be a scary world. Yes facing health, wealth and life challenges is also scary. But how we react to these things can be a choice whether you know it or not. The real deal is that fear begins in our mind. We learn to be fearful from parents and caregivers. How did your family of origin handle fear? Were they catastraphizers? You will catch a cold and die if you go out with wet hair!!! Look at what you are doing to your mother, you will give her a heart attack etc. Think of how your family reaction to fear influences your reaction to fear now. Marianne Williamson states, ”Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learned here.” Did your parents teach you to fear taking risks? What was in their problem solving tool belt? Were they reactors? Deniers? Talkers? Were you parentified and expected to come up with solutions and fix problems before you were actually capably of doing so successfully? All of these factors contributed to how well you manage your fear today.

Once you have really thought about the culture of fear in your childhood home, you can start to unravel the mystery. Ask yourself the above questions and journal about your answers. Ask yourself how safe you felt and how safe you were in your home. Meditate on these memories and experiences and allow yourself to really feel them. Understanding your own internal make up of fear is the beginning of taking away it’s power to dictate action in your life. When you find yourself in a situation that is kicking up fear remember fear is a FEELING not a FACT. You must acknowledge your fear in order to control it. When we run away from our fears they become amplified in our mind. The reality is usually never as bad as the fear fantasy. Do not allow yourself to focus on the worst-case scenario thus giving it the power of your emotions. This is manifesting…backwards. If fear is what you hold in your mind most and longest it becomes a wish or a prayer, even if that is not your intention. Use the power of positive manifesting and creative visualization to calm your mind and fears. Use positive self-talk, journaling and meditating to wrangle what scares you most. Create a deliberate conscious reaction to fear inducing thoughts and situations. Rather than going down the “What If” highway respond with mental images and feelings of what you actually WANT to happen not what you dread. Also remember fear has much to teach us about our selves…figure out what that jewel is before you kick fear to the curb.

Last weekend in Austin, we experienced so many participants, just THROWIN’ DOWN with their fear. It was exhilarating to witness and share. My own smack down happened while climbing up the ladder to the trapeze landing. I had not told anyone about my fear as it was ego-dystonic for me. This means it did not fit my image of myself as an ass kicking warrior Goddess therefore I was ashamed of it. The Herculean strength it took to keep climbing was mind blowing. I am normally quite counter phobic-purposely doing things I fear so they do not own me, but fear of heights is a phobia and I truly do not know the origin (and trust me 20 years of therapy later I have really looked ☺). It feels organic and visceral when I am in the throws but now I realize that my mind is stronger than my fear. As soon as I hopped off the landing and was sailing through the air with the greatest of ease, the fear vanished. I remain amazed and ridiculously proud. I feel reinvigorated around the challenges I am facing in my life. I know when I leap the net will appear. It is not about being fearless; it is about letting fear propel you towards your goal instead of stopping you in your tracks. And as Kris so kindly reminded me I have until early July to be ready to do it again at our next boot camp at The Omega Institute… yep can’t wait…did I mention it gets easier with time and repetition?

So I will leave you with some quotes about fear that I find useful.

“When you’re falling, DIVE”-Joseph Campbell

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”-Ambrose Redmoon

“Fear cannot be banished, but it can be calm and without panic; and it can be mitigated by reason and evaluation.”-Vannevar Bush

“I have lived a long life and had many troubles, many of which never happened.”
-Mark Twain

“He who fears he will suffer already suffers because of his fear.”-Montaigne

So hold tight and as Kris said this weekend, ”Ride the dragon!!” You will be amazed at your self discovery when you acknowledge and face your fears on purpose. I would love to hear all about it.

Love Love Love
Your Crazy Sexy LIFE COACH

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