Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Scale - PART 1

Hi LADIES! - And the few brave gents willing to put up with this post. LOL!

This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Wow, the government has given us the green light to vent! They are sooooo kind, doing such a great job too (massive sarcasm). So without further adieu, I give you a delicious rant on LBS....

The scale is a bunch of numbers that mean nothing and EVERYTHING. That pesky, dangerous box is a booby trap full of good and bad news math. I hate math, I hate the scale. When I was a bun-head ballerina I would weigh myself everyday and then punish or praise myself accordingly. On punishment days I'd yack. Tis true, tis pathetic, tis my history, a golden nugget that makes me wise and human. However, that BOX is just that, a small container to cage ourselves. Prison is not sexy. No matter how cool it looks in the movies, prison is not a place to voluntarily visit.

Food: We adore it, despise it, worship and pray over it, we obsess and curse the voodoo grip it has over us. Food is the worst and best kind of lovah. Just when we think we've got it all figured out, stress and/or an emotional poop pie welcomes a malaise that lulls us into a state of gluttony. Or does this just happen to me?

Back in my meat eating days I would speed through the drive-through dragging my scratched-up sage voice behind. "STOP! PLEASE! You're gonna regret it!" she'd shout. "Fuck off you damn goody goody, I'm chowin'." Been there? I'll share another lovely reminder of the issues in my tissues. My recent scan was really good. HOWEVER, the scale barked numbers that I had never seen before. I KNOW, IT'S RIDCULOUS, but I couldn't help but wonder how the heck this happen? Where was I when those LBS hijacked my temple? PS. No Deb, I'm not preggers. You are naughty.

How is it possible that I'm not perfect? I've spent 3.5 gazillion dollars on high quality therapy and people pay me for my thoughts. Even if I hid in a cave, wore a loincloth and tattered bra and meditated forever, there would still be times when I craved heroin and cupcakes. And guess what? Some days I have the damn cupcakes - heroin, not so much.

CanSer creates an enormous pile of stress in our lives. Most of us developed a bunch of eating issues long before the wake up call. Now canSer. The little “c” can make you feel like you have no more excuses. Yeah, OK, but the power struggle with food still exists - perhaps more than ever.

After much trial, error and Scream Fests ('03, '04, '05, '06 - the reunion tour of '07 and now '08), this is what I know for sure: Eating is a source of comfort and happiness for everyone! When life is out of control the easiest thing to grab is a snack. Snacks and feedbags = control. When babies realize that they have control over what goes in and out of their bodies, all hell breaks loose. Like everything else, it's a practice; it's a life long compassionate experiment. I can't amputate my problems, but I can work to get in front of them, to issue spot and see them coming a mile away. When the storm brews it's a sign that I am out of balance. Ok, great revelation, but the damn storm is coming so what do you do? Prep yourself.

Hurricane Twinkie pig-out check list:

1. Junk OUT of my cabinets and fridge. I cannot be trusted.
2. Healthy snacks on hand, pre-cut/washed veggies and juice stuff prepped and ready in Tupperware containers.
3. Quick and easy side dishes ready and waiting to accessorize my big nightly salad. Rice pasta, quinoa, sweet potatoes, millet, soba noodles, garden burgers, hummus, Ezekiel bread, manna bread, etc.
4. Other staples, almond butter, tahini, nuts, oil cured nuts, great oils, hemps seeds, flax seeds, avocados, avocados, avocados...
5. Lots of yummy teas and lemon for my groovy lemonade which I sip constantly - (lemon, water, stevia).
6. Time carved out for smoothie/juice breaks.
7. A wee bit of fruit and a few healthy sweet treats (even though CanSer doesn't like sugar, I do and I can't always say NO).
8. A clean bathtub to hide in - with candles.
9. My rebounder OUT and ready for jumping.
10. A long walk ASAP.

The rains will pass, and when they do - get back on track. 80/20. Which for me means that I am raw till noon and then 80% of every meal I eat is raw and 20% is cooked. Better translated: Look at your plate and break it down like a pizza pie. 80% is salad and raw delight. 20% of the portion is your side dish. Make sense? PS. Dee had a great description of this on the last blog.

It’s easy to see the neglect and “bad” choices. It’s hard to see the good stuff, to pat ourselves on the back for our triumphs. Those "good" things contribute to our energy bank account. I guarantee that you are making more deposits than withdrawals. Lighten up (I’m speaking to myself too). This "raw/vegan/health thing" shouldn't feel like prison or deprivation, there must be room for being human. As I recently said to a good pal, let's focus less on our bodies and more on our perception of our bodies. Whoa. Aren't we our harshest critics? Someone or something beat us up long ago. That moment has passed and yet we still carry the Louisville Slugger – and the scale.

For many of us, a healthy weight is not the one we’re constantly chasing. It’s the one we’re at when we say, “Oh, if I could just lose five or ten pounds . . .” When I stop criticizing my numbers I have more free head-space to make and consume better meals.

I feel better now. Thanks.

Peace and scale stomping,


PS. And while we're at it, throw out the magazines that pollute our body image. They create what I call the seesaw effect. One week we’re too thin, the next, too fat. These magazines target and magnify the cellulite on unsuspecting vacationing celebrities. How dare she let down humanity! Let’s stop, drop and roll. When we judge miss starlet we're measuring and judging ourselves. We’re contributing to goddess oppression. Free her!


Grendle said...


LOVE this post!!!!! Sitting here sipping my stevia lemonade, I realize we all have WAY more than canser in common. Thank you for your honesty and love!


Jenn said...

Argh - so, so true! I seem to rant about this on a regular basis, and fall victim to it sometimes as well. But I try to remember now...that there's not enough time in my busy, exciting days to sweat my weight. And that food is yummy and helps me be healthy, but that hugs are better if I need comforting. And that exercise feels great, just as it is. And that it can't be healthy for me overall to be worrying/sweating/stewing about some always-fluctuating numbers on a scale.

Thanks for the tips, though. Some I've got goin' on already, but the rest go into practice as soon as I'm home again. And one that's helped me: ditch the scale, if at all possible. focusing on how my clothes fit seems to be enough of an indicator for me without being slave to the numbers on the weight box.

DianneR said...

I do the same thing, junk out of my cabinets & fridge. But then my daughter comes home with a bag of goodies. Damn.

bubbletoes said...

love this post and i think it's really an important issue to be addressed.

"attachments lead to suffering"

attachments to my weight, my perception of how i could be... from my experience, the hard i try to control my food and obsess about the number on the scale, the further i get and the more consumed i am by food, body, and all those bad things.

i'd rather live my life, treating my body as the temple it is, and loving myself exactly the way i am RIGHT NOW!

apoopslingingmonkey said...

Great post & Love your check list! What garden burgers do you recommend lol? Some of the veggie burgers I have tried are yuck.
mmm...I love rice pasta! :)
So why no wheat? is the wheat pasta bad? luckily I buy the rice pasta, but I'm just curious why 100% whole wheat/whole grain pasta is a no, and yet wheat is in Ezekiel bread- my guess is because the Ezekiel bread has "Sprout" wheat?
I have never tried soba noodles... but there is wheat flour in them right? I'm just trying to figure out if wheat is bad or good, maybe its good just as long as there is no gluten in the product?

debbiedoesraw said...

Kris you outed me... I AM naughty! And nice too.
For me I keep hearing how I am too thin these days...lost about ten lbs on the raw.. been almost 4 months now. I exercise a lot, yoga, hiking, weights.

Let's just love ourselves as we are, make the improvements we need to and realize it is just a number after all. And the numbers will change when we do our thing, juicing and working out.

BTW, my onc did not even notice that I lost 7 lbs in 3 months last time...that pretty much sums him up anyway...

cancer cowgirl xo said...

AMEN ALL!!!!!!

We've made it this far. How silly to let the scale take us down even for a second. We should have a burning, like our actvists moms did with their bras.

Scale burning!!!!!! You in?

apoopslingingmonkey said...

crazy sexy bon fire...

LolaBloom said...

Most fantastic post! I needed this today of all days when my "Day 1 gonna get back in shape" fell horribly flat yesterday. It's not about that though, it's about loving myself and my body as is and continuing to learn the principles for a healthy, life-long lifestyle.

I'm recent convert to Veganinity (as I call it) and now really wanting to learn the raw and 80/20 way. Any suggestions on resources? for me the thing that always helps is sample meal plans, I can usually take it from there!

Lots of love, peace and smiles

digital sage said...

I have two scales I'll chuck in there! Great post, Kris. The numbers on the scale are the reasons I haven't been to the doc in over a year for my checkup. I really need to work on that. Less scales, more veggies!

Cheryl said...

My daughter actually said to me last night, "It is virtually impossible to eat unhealthily in this house." Yeah! Then she stir-fried herself some broccoli and was very happy.
That being said, I know instinctively, without getting on the scale, if I have more lbs on me than I would like. It is about how I feel. It tends to create a vicious cycle: I haven't been eating well the past couple of days, so what's one more day of crappy eating? The scale is just one more way to beat myself up.

Witness said...

Wahoo, lets all burn our scales! Kris, loved the post! You are so spot on when you said “…we still carry the Louisville slugger - and the scale.” It’s so true! One of the best things that ever happened to me was going 7 days without looking in a mirror. You should all try it, it changed my life and I never felt more beautiful! After that I cancelled all of my “fashion” mag subscriptions and relied on my own artistic eye to see the beauty in me and other women. I stopped being freaked out about every single thing I ate and started eating whatever I wanted and forgave myself for wanting the entire the bag of Oreos and you know what? When I forgave myself, I didn’t want them anymore! And now I look back on myself in high school and in college, on those days of wanting to always weigh less than I was, and I think , hot damn - I was gorgeous! And I wasted all that time thinking I wasn’t! I'm not wasting anymore time and neither should any of you beautiful awesome canser babes and dudes!

Sundari said...

I love, love, love this post. Thank you for starting what I'm sure will be a beautiful and revealing conversation with the CSC crew.

One thing that has helped me to overcome a negative body image is "media detox". Turning off the t.v., avoiding commercial magazines and catalogs, and trying to ignore billboards and other ads that are shoved in our faces everyday. Then we can look around and see that the world is filled with many different beautiful shapes and sizes.

Also, being mindful of how we talk about ourselves. I used to say that I was "fat" everyday. Since shedding those ugly words, my mind has followed suit more often. Its a chain reaction too, once we say something negative about our bodies in front of another human being, they start looking at themselves in that light and it can be contagious!

Like everything, loving our bodies is a process. As we integrate the healthy habits and lifestyle encouraged in this blog, a healthier body image is sure to follow! Most of all, don't beat yourself up for having negative thoughts, just acknowledge them and let go.

Thank you CSC crew for helping me revisit this important part of a healthy mind and body.


jennsfirstattempt said...

Awesome Post and 2 more scales to add to the bon fire. I HATE SCALES. It's amazing to me that our society has warped so many people into taking drastic measures to lose weight. My 7 year old son is obsessed with the scale. He is small for his age due to some health issues and is teased at school so he is constantly trying to eat more and gain weight. Something is dead wrong with this picture. Thank you for helping me realize the problem brewing in my house.

I currently weigh 8 lbs less than when I gave birth to my son. YEP, not a good feeling!

I must admit one reason I'm working to adapt this new lifestyle is to lose weight. You are all so beautiful (inside and out). Major super excellent role models. Kris...I hope you are proud of what you have created.

Bye Bye Scale and weight obsession...hello beautiful healthy life.

LYB said...

I could join the ranks of ranting as I have been obsessed with the scale for as long as I can remember.....always looking for it to say something different. Amazing, we are never satisfied! As I have mentioned in previous posts I am seriously struggling with my weight right now, it is so confining and depressing. Lets liberate together and junk the scale, along with the junk food. Now, if only I could junk the jeans that barely fit.....no, I will be back in them, but not by counting lbs., but through health and vitality!

I just returned from listening to Mark Mathabane, noted author of "Kaffir Boy" among many other titles and speaker, who was born in the ghetto of Alexandra, in Johannesburg, South Africa. He is the eldest of seven children, and the first one in his family to be educated. Mr. Mathabane escaped from apartheid in 1978 at the age of 18 when Stan Smith, the American tennis professional and a former Wimbledon champion, arranged a tennis scholarship for him to study at an American college. What an amazing man and what an inspiration. One of the many quotes and thoughts I took away from the talk was that life tests us only to allow us to realize our dreams. I, as all of us, have been tested in ways never imaginable, now remember to use that to live your life and live your dreams. Wow, what an inspiration.

...now off to the kitchen to prepare white bean pureed soup from Dr. Young for dinner tonight. The recipe looks yum, I'll let you know.

to healthy days!

skyecat said...


What a fantastic post. I read this while eating a major salad (abeit at my desk at work):
spinach, carrots, cauliflower, celery, walnuts, brocolli, cucumber...delicious and raw...

green, red, leafy, scrumptious and raw! throw away the scales, throw open the windows and yell: we're not gonna take it anymore!

We are beautiful, strong, we are empowered!

Thank you Kris, thank you all!

Keep on rockin'

Peace Out...

Cathy said...


great post! Love it! I have been running from the scale most of my life. Why is it so hard to just be ok with ourselves when we feel healthy? Looking back I never really had a weight problem (other than the imaginary one I have created for myself which probably began when mom took me to a WW meeting at just 11 years old)
Then fast forward 20 years later when I was dx'd with breast cancer. I was going in for my mastectomy and TRAM flap reconstruction (where they took my belly fat to make my new boob) and I actually thought to myself ....Well, now I will have a flat tummy finally and maybe chemo will make me loose some weight...

What the hell was that! lol

I guess it goes to show how deep the fear of the scale goes!

Thanks for sharing that.....love the girl talk today!

Cathy :)

Cravin' Veggies said...

Excellent post! And you can add my scale to the bonfire. I never owned a scale until I bought one on a whim a few years ago. It ranks high on the list of stupid things purchased! With a soon-to-be teenage daughter in the house, it's probably not a good thing to keep around.

Dianne said...

I've given up on trying to be a "healthy" weight. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Sept, I lost almost 20 lbs from the stress of it. While I was being treated with radiation (Christmas to Valentine's Day approx) every Tuesday was "Doctor Day." They would weigh me in whatever shoes I had on, take my bp and temperature. One week, the nurse was so pleased I had lost 5 lbs! Only the week before I had been wearing my snow boots! I have a good digital scale and I bought a new battery for it, but have yet to get it working again. I am more happy with my oncologist telling me my blood work was "fantastic"! Great post Kris and thanks.

debbiedoesraw said...

Ok all you scale haters...
How about we all live the words of Nacho Libre...and I will paraphrase here....
"there comes a time in every wo(mans) life where you need to wear the stretchy pants..."

So rock the 'active' look, wear your yoga pants and cute stretchy stuff and relax..oh, and work out occasionally in the athletic gear!
love deb

bav said...

Wow, I am SOO out of the loop, so many new faces. It's ironic, I was just told by my oncologist that I need to gain weight.

Anyways, to bring everyone who knows me up to date... the last few months have been the utter insanity-inducing doublespeak of western medicine. They have taken me all over the place - from we need to figure out how to cut out half your heart and reconstruct, to additional tumors in my abdomen, to we're not so sure, and every nook and cranny in between. The last few weeks in particular have been super challenging for me, I have about lost my patience.

In summary, after several weeks of testing, "there is nothing for us to do right now but keep a very close eye on you and wait. we will work on strategies to see if we can get you feeling better. and you need to gain weight."

Yet, when pressed about how they are going to make me feel better, there have been no concrete suggestions. When questioned about the complexity and uncertainties of my particular case, acknowledgement and a blank look. LOTS of contradiction, LOTS of hypocrisy, LOTS of avoiding eye contact. But they "want me to be on board and comfortable with the plan." Oy vey!

I pretty much blasted them on Friday. I have had enough. It is pretty clear I am on my own with this - as we all are in many ways, but my healing is SO up to me, even moreso now.

So I am maintaining my Crazy Sexy CanSer lifestyle, and figuring out how I can take it to the next level. I am looking for a new job. I am going to try Oprah's course with Eckhart Tolle. Basically, I am trying to remain open and accepting to whereever my path leads me.

I have missed you all. I feel so disconnected having been away so much. I look forward to diving back into the cowgirl posse.


ps For those that go to Boston for treatment, there is a new restaurant in the North End called Grezzo (Italian for raw). 100% organic, vegan, RAW menu. Along the lines of Pure Food and Wine in NYC. I had a delicious 5 course tasting menu there last week with my Mom - we loved it. Check it out.

Tracy said...

New to the blog....I have a question. I'm a newbie to this blog. Not a cancer cowgirl - just a West Coaster trying to get healthy. I work early in the mornings and don't have tons of time to "make my juice." But I do the night before. Is it okay to make my juice at 9:30 p.m. and refrigerate it until 6:30 a.m.? What happens - good, bad, otherwise?

debbiedoesraw said...

BAV!!! big squishy hugs.. boy have we missed you!
welcome home
love deb

Michelle J said...

KRIS!!! This post really resonated with me for a few reasons! First, i've never had an eating disorder but i guess if you call loving to snack and not being able to stop sometimes a disorder than i'm ok with that. Since i started CSC lifestyle i have shed 20lbs of weight. I run everyday 4 miles. So, you would think i would be satisfied. Nope. Everyday, without fail in the morning, before my run and then after i weigh myself. I've been stuck at the same weight since i lost the 20. It is not moving in either direction. How can i be happy with this? I do not know? In my mind, i feel as if i'm not doing enough to lose the last 20lbs i want to lose. God, i sound so ridiculous. If this is my biggest problem in life, i consider myself lucky! Anyway, thanks for this marvelous post!!! It opened my eyes to see a lot of things!!

P.S. Bav, i don't think we've really met but i love your kick ass attitude. It's very inspiring to me!!!!

Cravin' Veggies said...

Poopmonkey: Soba noodles are made from buckwheat. Buckwheat and rice do not have gluten, which is why those types of noodles are better. (Soba noodles are delish!)

Many people have gluten sensitivites/allergies/intolerance without being aware of it.

It causes inflammation, and it bungs up your digestive system, which means that your body cannot absorb enough nutrients.

Cravin' Veggies said...

Ooooh, BAV! Welcome back! We have sooooooo missed you!!! :o)

LYB said...

Good by jeans....hello LuLuLemon! At least if we have to wear the stretchy clothes we should look cute while doing it....and of course working out too!

Cravin' Veggies said...

michellej: Ack! The evil plateau. I am there too. It seems like all this effort is for naught. But, if we are eating well and exercising, maybe this is where our bodies need us to be right now. Just keep eating well and keep moving.

cancer cowgirl xo said...

BAV!!!!! We need a pow wow ASAP. Welcome back hon. Let's connect.

Tracy: Bad news, you really gotta juice and then drink it. After 15 minutes the juice starts to oxidize. Can you prep everything the night before, run it throug the juicer and then throw everything in a tub in your sink. Clean it when you get home. I do that when I'm late. I had to leave the house at 6 am last weekend, got up at 4:30. It sucks, but we have to make time for health.

Michelle: You are at a plateau hon. Totally natural.
What's your average chow day like? What do you eat?

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Cravin' vegs: Sheesh, I couldn't post that plateau ditty fast enough. Right on the money.

Cravin' Veggies said...

tracy: It is best to drink the juice immediately (because of oxidation,) but better to drink it at any time than not at all!

Cravin' Veggies said...

And you beat me to the oxidation point, Kris! ;o)

LYB said...

Hey Bav,
welcome back....we have missed you! You Rock! Stay true to you and your greens

clint said...

Ok . . . if I may . . . it takes 'Balls of Steel' to (gulp)be a guy, and post my thoughts here with all the 'Estrogen Shrapnel' flying around.
My fingers tremble as I (gulp) type ever so methodically.

Soooo . . .I tread lightly here . . .

Kris . . . Damn ! Good 'Share' girl, really ! !

I've always remembered what Dr. Oz said on Oprah, about the waistline, and monitoring those "numbers",(with respect to one's health) and not the numbers on the scale.

Kris, ladies, ... your not alone . . . a lot of guys want to throw away the scale too, but I guess 'Ego' prevents us from verbalizing it.

(with shriveled balls of steel)

Kay said...

I don't worry about my body image - well not too often. I rarely get on the scale.

I just try to eat healthy - I eat mostly fruits and vegtables. I do eat a small amount of meat and bad stuff - I have a weakness for french fries now and then. I eat a ton of dark chocolate - I try to eat at least 75% or more. I eat soy ice cream. I don't eat flour products - just a little cereal in the morning and the little bit in the healthfood cookies mom eats.

I know I have only posted on here once, but I have a request that you all keep me in your thoughts. Tomorrow, the 27th of Feburary, I will be getting an isotope bone scan to see if I have bone cancer. Thank-you all and rock on!

debbiedoesraw said...

Clint We Love your Balls...ok that sounds wrong...we love you to be here with your balls, whatever they are made of!
that Nacho Libre quote by Jack Black was originally to read" there is a time in every MANS life that he needs to wear the stretchy pants"
Remember that and don't eat the orphan chips!
Naughty deb

just t said...

BAV !! WELCOME BACK !!!! I have missed you sooo much ! I think of you and pray for you daily. I thought I scared u away by hogging you ! I do apologize to you and everyone else for that ! I got carried away with my excitement over finding you and this blog.
I hope you are feeling well and strong ! and again welcome back !! much love, tina

clint said...

Thanks 'Naughty Deb'....

Am becoming less 'Shriveled', ...thanks for the Warm Fuzzy.


Huggy Balls

Annalin said...

I had problems with the scale after I had surgery. I lost about 13 pounds (I'm small to begin with!) and felt SOOOOOO bad about myself. Silly I know. But I was so bony and nothing fit. Not even my booty loving jeans...I lost curves so fast. Have gained most back but still..whether the numbers are too big or too small...IT SUCKS!

bav said...

Thanks for the virtual hugs, everyone. I appreciate it! :)

The weight loss plateau - the easiest way to kick yourself off that static plane - change up your workout routine. Your body can actually become accustomed to your workout after awhile if you always do the same thing, losing your bang for your cardio buck. Instead of jogging the whole distance, sprint, then fast walk, jog, sprint - you get the idea. Walk rapidly up hills sideways or backwards, working your hamstrings and gluteals more than the quads. Can you change your route (ie the terrain)? Do you have a bicycle? Alternate days, riding with jogging. Is there a pool in your community? Keep those muscles guessing, mix up your regimen.

And as Kris was getting at, look for hidden calories in your eating regimen.

Also, keep in mind, the scale doesn't tell the whole story. I think it wiser to go more by how your clothes fit, how your physique appears. Muscle is much more dense than fat, so the same area filled with toned muscle instead of squishy fat is going to reflect a bit on the scale too.

Numbers are just that... data. They don't tell the whole story, keep things in perspective!

Good luck!

bav said...


You didn't "hog me" sister! I was incredibly pleased to offer whatever help I could. I hope it was helpful!

How is it going? Fill me in girl.


just t said...

Tae- I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers are with you and your family.
I'm sorry this is late in coming, i'm just catching up on the blogs. I haven't been feeling well.
When your feeling up to it, would you like to go to lunch ? I would love to meet you ! We could burn our scales together ! lol. let me know. peace, tina

p.s. it's nice to see you blogging more !!

Anne said...

I've never owned a scale. Got weighed a lot when I was pregnant and at my post-partum appointments, so I knew, when I stepped on my mother's scale six years after I had my second daughter, that I had put on 12 pounds in that time. It made me crazy to know that. I was no different than I had been two days before when I didn't know, but once I knew, I felt like everything had just gone to hell. That was two years ago.

Today, I don't know what I weigh. I know I'm a bit thin, but these days I don't judge myself by the scale, but rather by how well/healthy I'm eating. So I could totally relate to the part of Kris's post that deal with the devil in the drive-thru. I feel like everything has just gone to hell if I skip my juice or don't stay raw til at least lunchtime.

I LOVE reading about the stuff you guys eat. I feel like I've gone through the drive-thru if I miss having a Major Salad. I really need more ideas for stuff to eat, though.

strongerthanit said...

Beth - WELCOME BACK!! I am sorry you have been going through the medical wringer.....you "sound" terrific. M

holistic chick said...

Ooh, Were to begin on this one…

Kris you are CRAZY..Crazy Sexy that is. So jealous of the bikini picture from the honeymoon. I'm curious of what your insecurity is.

Michellej:I feel the pain. Here's what I have found..it's best to bring your heart level up and down. If you’re a runner, run for a few minutes, then walk fast, then run, etc. I keep my heart rate between 130 and 150 (I'm 35) to stay in my fat burning zone.

I gained 20 lbs when I went off my thyroid medicine (dumb) a couple years ago on top of 10 lbs a gained from too many Corona's and eating out. The green shake in the AM, eating super healthy most of the time and working out like crazy (twice a day - hip hop, yoga, circuit training, walking, rebounder..) all have helped a lot. I stopped bitching and decided to take control (thanks to CSC). I do get on the scale, but I don’t get upset about it. Depending on the time of day, it could be 5 lbs difference. I will be at my goal when I’m a size 4. I was in the best shape of my life 3 years ago, so I keep those pictures up as an inspiration. If you were at your best at some point, you know it’s attainable, unlike having a picture of some Hollywood hottie up. I have been allowing myself some cheat days without guilt. It’s fun and good for the soul! (My cheat days are better then what most eat everyday!)

Kris: when I get a craving (especially for alcohol) I drink Kombucha tea. It's not cheap, but I haven't met anyone who hasn't loved it (after getting used to the odd taste). Makes you feel so healthy!

I eat Gardenburgers..have to be cooked like crazy. I like to put it a salad with sun dried tomatoes, capers and a little Caesar dressing.

Let’s all make a vow that we will not let this get to us any longer! I think we’re all on the right track.

Health and Happiness!

Chris in Wyoming said...

(I wrote this on the "Today" post and the gang had moved on! So, I am re-posting here...)
Good morning! I am amazed every day when I read the sharing, caring, love, recipes, help, suggestions, support....wow! You all are wonderful and I am happy you are chattin' together on the porch!
BeckyB-Colorado--Where in Colorado? I am in Cheyenne, Wyoming...
Dee-as always, you offer the best stuff!
Debbie-I got the packets and will try them out. Thank you so much. So, how can we order them for ourselves? Purchase through you?
Callie-you make my day. I loved the lenten reading 13...right on and I will make my list and find my rock.
Hugs all!
Chris in Wyoming

strongerthanit said...

Kris-Great Post - what a kick-ass way to address scales/weight/body image! Though a wonderfully funny post, it's filled with so many truths, realizations, and honesty - thank you for sharing your pain and glory.....and especially the "fuck off you goody-goody - I'm chowing" - Whoa - now who here cannot relate to THAT?!?!? Now Clint, if your balls of steel can take this estrogen shrapnel (!!!!!) then YOU can take anything!! M

scnewme said...

Bav!!!! I just scared the hell out of my kids...screamed when I saw your post - welcome back and huge hugs, you have to know you have been missed around here!

Body image is a tough one - we have been defined by our physical attributes for much of our lives. Airbrushed models on magazine covers, hottest new hairstyles, diets, and more diets,something constantly screaming at how you'll be closer to perfection if you'd only buy (fill in the blank here)... ugh!

At this point, for me its more about HOW I feel, not what I weigh and look like. I'm just grateful to be here, the rest will come. I no longer give power to the scale and its been very liberating! I'm all for covering the mirrors for awhile, too!

Love the inner beauty in all of you!


Obsessedwithlife said...

That was a great message that I think all of us need to hear-especially me right now! thanks!


Dee said...

B- Grezzo is amazing, I go at least once or twice a month (more when I can). So fantastic. What's your fave dish?

Michelle- You're definitely at a plateau girl, it's all about mixing it up, shaking things around, rattling something lose and going bananas with fun trying it all.

Kris- Amazing post, amazing, amazing. I gave my scale a big 'F U' the other day just for shits and giggles, who did it think it was blinking those numbers at me and thinking they would change my life and make my day awful? Puhhhhlease.

So many new faces! Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Clint- Are the boys okay? Don't make them do too much too soon they may you know...jump back up in there or something...wow, there's a visual. You have email coming your way asap sir. I swear it!

RitualsofHealing.com said...

Miss Kris
I am both laughing and crying about this post It is amazing that I am still struggling with food and weight issues after fighting for my life!
I willingly step into scale prison and get overwhelmed or even feel immense pleasure from the readout. I know this means I am out of balance and dis-connected from myself and from source (God, Allah, love, the universe, whatever you want to call it). I am much less affected by the mind farking scale when I am meditating regularly. It's just way (weigh) more in the background.

Thanks for the reminder

Love and Light,

Becky B - Colorado said...

I'm afraid that I am absolutely obsessed with my scale, addicted to weigh ins & TERRIFIED of the "middle-age spread"!! At 46, I know what is right around the corner...I've convinced myself that I'll look just like my Mom did (until her canser dx)...BIG tummy, BIGGER thighs and BIG, flat butt! I know - TMI - sorry folks! Instead I force myself to be OCD about everything that goes in my mouth & feel like a failure if I slip (which I always do around 3pm) Now that my kids are teens & craving the "fast food" culture, I'm tired & bitchy about everything and end up eating the cookies, etc. that one of them "needs to make for a school project". HELP gang....I want so bad to let go of this thought pattern and yet somehow it has become my identity :-( Sorry for the rant - scales, weight, food cravings and obsessions are a very touchy subject for moi!

Becky B - Colorado said...

Kay....I'll be sending warm fuzzies and tons of prayer your way tomorrow hun. Keep us posted on the scan - we love ya sister!

Cathy said...

Bav! I am a new poster but have been lurking since the beginning :)
So although we havent "met" I feel like I know you through reading this blog. Glad to see you back! Sorry to hear that you have been through so much but its good that you sound so very strong! Give em hell girl! Keep going with the CSC life! I just started reading the Eckart Tolle book and have also thought about taking the class.
Leave it to Oprah! lol

Hi to all! I am sitting here sippin a smoothie sending positive vibs to my new CSC pals!

Cathy :)

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Kay: Sorry i missed your scan request! You will be in all of our prayers and thoughts. We got your back lady. Let us know how it goes. xoxoxox

PS. Becky b: thanks for picking that up. Girrrl.

holistic chick said...

Becky B – You have to make the choice sister..this is a head thing! Make the decision that you are going to start eating better right now. Stop thinking about your mom’s butt and start thinking of how good yours is going to look.

Making a diary of what you eat and how much you workout will keep you honest (not that you can’t enjoy “bad” things sometime!). Fitday.com is a good way to track all that.

Becky, you mentioned your kids, I have a huge concern for our kid’s generation. Studies show that they are on track to have a shorter life span than us. Please learn healthy habits and teach them to your kids. It’s really hard, but we have to change things for them and future generations. (wow – sounds so dramatic...but true!)

Koko Love said...

Hello Kris & All,

I'm one of those lurkers to the site who is coming out of the shadows.

I read this amazing book a few months ago called When Food is Love by Geneen Roth. After years of being a secret compulsive over-eater this is the first and only thing that has helped me break free. It's deep and profound and too much to summarize here but I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to end the cycle of dieting and compulsive over eating. For the first time in my life I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Amazing.


joyfuljude said...

Ok, I may have to duck from y'all throwing the scale at me (I hate scales too) but as I read Kris's post my eyes kept getting bigger and bigger. Why?

Saw the documentary, read the book, found the blog, and as a result:

Rebounder - check - 30 minutes everyday

Juicer - check - went out a bought a real one. The first junky juicer was made in China and a piece of crap.

Veggies - check - and they are even freakin ORGANIC.

almond butter made with walnut oil - check - made it myself

spelt bread - check - made it myself

See where I'm going with this. Hell, I didn't even know what spelt was before I "met" Kris.

So see Kris, how many lives you've touched and changed for BETTER??? You totally ROCK!

With this lifestyle, who needs the damn scale.

Thank you! - from the bottom of my heart and soul.


RitualsofHealing.com said...

Ko Ko
thank you so much for the book info. I will definitely pick that one up. I know i have some food love/hating issues

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Huggy: Can we clone you? Could you rock any more? So funny you mentioned the Dr. Oz thing. I recently looked it up. Just made it. A waist, I've ever had, even when skinny. I'm built like boy.

I'm making Brian post becuase you posted. You are hysterical! xo

granola said...

Hi all!
Well, this is quite the blog-provoking post! When you are really getting upset about your weight (as we all naturally do, as we are programmed to from birth) just try to give yourself this reality check (if it helps--I know that the brainwashing is so pervasive):
Our entire society revolves around how women look/how thin they are. This is completely created by our society. Do you think that the women in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Congo, or Darfur are worried about their weight? We are fortunate to live in a country where women have freedom, peace, and independence. Ok, that may seem extreme, but so is the media portrayal of women in America. And we grew up in this society, so it is around us everywhere and of course we can't help but think about it! We are told by everyone everywhere to worry about our weight and size. Since when is a size 12 fat? And who cares? Are you happy? Do you have people you love in your life? Do you have friends who love you? Are you passionate about something? Are you making a difference in someone's life? Are you kind and caring? Do you ponder life's big questions? Do you educate yourself?
I agree with Kris--STOP BUYING "BEAUTY" MAGAZINES!! Even "health" ones show unrealistic portrayals of "fit" women. Every now and then a celeb will come forward and tell how the cover of a magazine was airbrushed or digitally enhanced (and btw, why do those 60 year old actresses seem to have no wrinkles? Hmm...)
I stopped buying those magazines years ago. If this is the "Tipping Point" (yes, a great book) then imagine if we created a wave of NO MORE crazy fashion magazines. Cosmo out of business..ahh..I can dream.

Kay said...

I'm only 21, this is something that I shouldn't have to face - I still have braces for petes sake and haven't even graduated college. It's kind of scary. Hopefully it's just a cyst or something not too icky. But, if it is cancer, I'll face it with my usual smile and can do attitude.

Tomorrow I have physical therapy for my wrist - I jammed my thumb in december and the thumb and wrist won't work and I can't pick stuff up or push with it. Plus, I have a test in American lit too - actually my scan is right when I'd be having the test, but I asked my teacher if I could take it early and he offered to let me take it at 9:30, I went for 12:30 cos I have PT. He rocks. Somehow it was comforting when he gave me this scared, sympathetic look.

I've had a lot of expirience with cancer stuff - my mom's friends both had uterin stage 4 cancer. One is doing the biologics right now. My nana had lung cancer and has skin cancer. My 2nd cousin died of leukemia. My orhtopedic doctor (I had a cyst removed after an incident involving too much weight while weight training) had nonhodkins lymphoma - now that was kind of surreal, my orthopedic doctor was asking me if the bone hurt and he looked scared.

Beck b in Col: thanks and I will. :D

Kris: That's cool. There was a lot of posts on here. I about missed my own post! :O By the way, great documentary! I've seen it twice.

Nicole said...

Thank you for this post. Being a former dancer myself no one who knows me gets it. Since being married for a year I've gained weight and totally don't understand my body. I've been angry and depressed about it because so much of my former life depended on the scale. We broke up last friday and I'm learning to look at eating in a new light - fuel not emotional blanket. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for your motivation and inspiration.

adri said...

My mom was diagnosed with HEHE and had a needle biopsy at the time. She went to see another doctor and he said he would like to have her do a surgical biopsy, he would make a small incision and take out a small piece of the liver to send for pathology report and evaluations. My question is will it make a difference, isn't it the same thing, they are going to look at the microbiology of it, right? Just need some input from anyone who knows a bit about it. And did Kris have that type of biopsy? Just asking cause my mom has the same cancer as she does.



clint said...

OK Kris...STOP right there ! !

With all due respect to Brian, (ok, and you as well...) you are SO not "built like a boy"... I mean, come one.

I've seen your movie, your a 'Yoga Chick', with a Yoga body. Shame on you ! ;-) ok, there.. I said it.

Am glad Brian's going to post... it'll help with my "shrinkage" !


mr. Ballsstj

Justme117 said...

Oh my gosh. This post is amazing. While I was reading it I started crying, and inside I felt like I was jumping up and down screaming! That makes no sense but I don't care.

All of this is so true. This is all something that I have majorly struggled with. This week I heard some VERY wise words from someone that seemed to defog my brain. I can't even explain it, and to be honest it shocked me. It's the very beginning for me, but it's beautiful. Today, to REALLY be able to look myself in the eye, and realize "hey, Im beautiful"...it's freeing. It's honestly something I have never felt and I am excited to be at the beginning of it. This week I have enjoyed nourishing my body in a healthy way. And now I have the ammo to keep going! (Thanks Kris!)

And Dee-thanks again for the 80/20 description yesterday-and Kris, for yours today! I finished my dinner tonight and then was going over things in my head, trying to figure out what my 'percentage' was today...and ended up laughing at myself because I was so confused. Hopefully I will get the hang of this soon.... At least my food choices are right on now! The rest will follow hopefully! Kris-I can't wait for your book! And the DVD!

Becky B - Colorado said...

Awesome feedback everyone - thank you!
Holistic Chick: you are right on! My oldest 2 are boys (18 & 19 and headed to college in the fall) and my "baby" is a beautiful 15 year old girl....who loves Kris, loves the trailer for the documentary, NEVER drinks soda pop and loves to eat organic...I'm truly blessed! I am afraid that her self-esteem will soon be wrapped up in her body image and we regularly chat about that. My boys....oiy vey....typical teen boys! TV, lots of food and even a salad(except for too many "weird" veggies & fruit) and loud music! One of them will eat just about anything, the other only wants PB&J! I do what I can to expose them to a huge variety of organic fruits, veggies, fish, etc. but sometimes they are just plain difficult :-O
Thanks again everyone!!!

Michelle J said...

Thanks everybody!! Kris yes thanks my friend. I've never even thought to myself the word plateau. Not in the loop i guess (dee, for you). So, i will just briefly list what i eat sometimes...i run before breakfast so after run
either a green smoothie, green juice (i've gotten lazy) or
i make this mush with banana/chia seeds/raw granola/blueberries/almond butter/almond milk and just kind of mush it together and eat! its really quite good!
lunch really depends: sometimes a fruit, sometimes sprouted grain bread with avocado maybe with some raw tahini, then maybe a snack some raw chocolate/lara bar etc...
dinner is usually cooked food...tonight i had a trader joes vegetable burrito/always a big salad with hemp seeds, sprouts, pine nuts whatever i have...veggie burgers, too!!! for
dessert, i make raw chocolate pudding with avocado and raw cacao, so good. also medjool dates, i add flax to things, sometimes for breakfast i have cooked oatmeal i like trader joes brand...ok thats it i think!! Any thoughts Kris? I know there is room for improvement. As far as my running, i will try to mix it up a bit. Probably by changing where i run as opposed to changing the way i run...Ok, thanks guys!

Jillian said...

AMEN!!! I have to admit I've been overly obsessed with my weight since the little "c", mostly because it's hard enough to feel sexy with a hip-to-hip scar on my abdomin- add the 30 extra pounds I gained when I quit smoking... this cowgirl was NOT feeling sexy!

The good news- since I started eating lots of veggies I've lost 10 lbs! The bad news- that just fed my obsession and now I've been weighing myself everyday. It's crazy and I need to stop. That's it- I'm putting my scale away for a month- no weighing myself. I bet a feel a lot sexier when there isn't math in the way telling me I'm not!

Boy- this blogging this is great! I just started posting yesterday and I love it- it's like venting in a journal, but people give you a high-five and lots of love for doing it! Anyone else dwelling in the shadow- come out, it's liberating!!

Tons of love,


cancer cowgirl xo said...

Michelle: Your diet is great overall. You could try one or two things if you really want to lose more. Cut back on the avos and nut butter at the same time. Ya don't really need so much fat. I know it's filling but too much richness makes your liver sluggish. If you're really motivated, try proper food combining. No Protein with Starch, fruit alone. Those are the 2 biggies. But to be honest, if that's gonna wig you out and make you stress about food, skip it till you're ready. I constantly fall off the food combining wagon but I;m lucky and I don't really feel a major difference when I do. For some folks it's the crucial next step. Make sense? Beth had a good point too as far as mixing up exercise. I'd just like to exercise. THe mixing up part I'll get too. LOL!


Sleep tight all, see ya in the AM. :)

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Jilly: I know I said I was going to bed, but I can't, I'm obsessed. Blogging is healing! Down right magical. I swear you gals and Clint are more dear to me then some of my long time friends (hope they don't read that).

I digress.....

Damn girl, I think you just came up with an amazing, amazing idea!!!!!!!!

No scale, one month. Who can take the challenge?
Oh, I have to do another post on this tomorrow and then we have a very special, special guest.....

Thanks so much Girrrrl, and welcome.

mae said...


Your posts never fail to address the issues that we all face, wherever we are at in life. I have read your blog since seeing you on Oprah and just wanted to say that I appreciate your insight and honesty. Your posts are full of grace and laughs!


Elizabeth M. said...

BAV!!! I was lurking big time when you were posting last...I have missed you and was so excited when I saw your post! Give em hell! I'm so glad you are back!

Kay - You are in my prayers tomorrow...thanks for letting us share the hard times with you. I'll be looking for your post to tell all..

WAY past bedtime! night..

Dr.Sue said...


Great post. I think all of us at one time or another have a scale issue, don't we?!
Best advice is to build muscle as muscle burns more calories, at rest, than fat does. My husband is a former personal trainer & he constantly says to me, you need to be consistent on weights, every other day, & don't be afraid to add weight. Well, he's right. I'm at my same weight as I was 20 years ago. I do eat quite healthy, but when you're eating raw, as you said, you have to be careful about nuts & avocados, both I love. I do something athletic every day, also push-ups & lunges without fail. The scale isn't my enemy this month, but that could change! A real love/hate relationship!!!

I love Synergy Kombucha tea. I've also made my own, it turned out pretty good, but not as good as the $3.49 a bottle stuff.
xoxo Sue

scnewme said...

Clint - you've got the biggest balls on this blog...you should be damn proud of the boys!! Every guy has a "feminine" side, but only the real men admit it...love you for posting!

Man, I can't wait til Callie see's that Bav is back....looking forward to the party!

leenda said...

Hi everyone! It looks like it's been a good day here today,totally bummed I was so busy today I didn't get here until now and it's getting late..bedtime.Had treatment today,and hell,I have no idea where this day went,sigh.
I don't own a scale and I'm fine with that.But I know darn good well I'm not at a healthy weight.I carry weight really well,that's still not good enough.It's not healthy.I don't want to stress this.If I can kick cansers ass,I should be able to lose weight and better yet,be able to enjoy a really great lifestyle change.
Kris,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you for todays blog.You nailed it.You broke it down for me.This I can do.With the help of my friends.
Peace & sweet dreams,

Rhonda Radliff said...

Good morning ladies & gents,
It's late now, and it seems ya'll must be gettng your beauty sleep about now. Good.
I just woke up after a day at the cancer center. Got much better drugs today so you need to discount anything I say today (or for that matter...) I digress.
Scales... no problem to not weigh for one month.

plateaus... muscle weighs more than fat. So if you are exercising you may be feeling better and looking better but weigh about the same or even more. Stick to the plan.

vegans and fats... we can become (I find myself) fixated on cutting out so many things that we feel 'entitled' to some avocado and carob, nuts at every meal, etc. Be fair to all plants and fruits... share your attention! haha. Don't leave anyone out by fixating on just a couple of items. I know it's easier to get a routine and stick to it, but your body on a plateau may need a jump start. Buy a 'star fruit' or something really fun to shake things up? just an idea.

Ok, had a mass ton of blood taken and tests today. No news yet, but I hope remission is coming soon.

Bav, so wonderful to 'hear' from you. You are correct about being alone on the journey. However the wisdom comes from seeking knowledge and listening to the group (which includes the medical folk). Weighing all the opetions, I'm confident you and the choir of angels will find the right path for your healing.

Ok... last thing before I go back to sleeping. I am a 300 pound woman. I have been for about 20 years. I eat raw foods, at least 80%. Organic etc. Yoga (bikram and other kinds) and plain ol' exercise are part of my life (although i want to increase the volume). I may still be 300 pounds. I am not gorging out on fries, chips, chocolate or anything. It's a struggle, but mostly it's a struggle to listen to my own heart and not loose focus on my health in search of 'success.'

Beauty can not be confused with 'attractiveness' because that changes by who's looking. Peace is not the absence of war. So, beauty is not the absence of fat.

Beauty is as beauty does.

Be beautiful and be good to yourself by eating well and shaking your ass from time to time.

(There are photos of my beautiful fat self on that page if you wanna see.)

Becky said...

BAV, once again, I am in tears just seeing your post!

How are you not feeling well? Maybe the details will spark a thought from someone? I am so gonna email you today (and sorry I haven't responded to your most recent-I have been work-family crazy). As always, you sound so up and that fighting spirit....girrrrl...that is shining on through. I like getting mad at my docs too. Does a woman good sometimes!!!!!!!!!
So, you'll hear from me soon.

As for the scale thing, yup, burn 'em except if you are using them for a practical medical purpose (Bav's example is perfect: if you get below a certain weight, you need to monitor yourself). I

But what really reson,ates with me is your comment, Kris about magazines! They are poisoning our self-image never mind our kids' (with those with kids) self-image. THEY should be burned.

A raw veggie, self-loving magazine, that would be great. How to not hate your body magazine with real people, that would be great.

I have a sister at 43 who I swear is a product of all of that awful stuff and has just about the lowest self-esteem I've ever seen. Experiencing her second divorce (possibly) and just doesn't believe in herself. It makes me so sad.

Anyway, thanks, Kris. And welcome back, BAV! Miss you terribly.

Jillian said...

OK- the scale is hidden away and will not come out for 1 month!!! Who else is with me on this?

Lolabloom- If your looking for a good raw resource get The Raw Food Detox Diet by Natalia Rose. It's great and easy follow and explains all the physiology behind eating raw- which helps you stick to it.


cancer cowgirl xo said...

Adri: Hon, I did have a biopsy, it was a needle biopsy that went between my rib cage and grabbed a little chunk of my liver. That's all I can tell you love. Unfortunately I don't have advise for this one other than make sure you are at the righ hospital. Dana Farber knows a lot about EHE. That's my hospital.

clint said...

scnewme (Sherry) ... I SWEAR I felt a twinge when I read your comment. lol
Your are too cute !


Am hoping you get good results like a lot of people have been getting lately... am Channeling a Remission and FedExing it to you pronto.

Welcome BACK Bavs....it's good to hear from you.


countryliving said...

Hi Kris,
I just made you seed pancakes and they were WONDERFUL! I used amazake rice shake original since I can't eat soy. I also ground the flax seed per Dr. Oz the other day on Oprah.
Thank you so much for the recipe!

skyecat said...

Good Morning All,

I am so looking forward to The Scale - Part 2, will that be today, Kris?

I have a small group of friends who live near me and we email each other constantly--one of my friends started a "Biggest Loser" group--where you put in a certain amount of money and weigh-in once per month--if no results are noted: an additonal $20 goes into the pot...and at the end, the winning team gets approximately $500...

I've been sending emails daily to the group, encouraging them to eat raw--80/20 and to excercise, and to be honest: forget the scale--to go with how great you are feeling as a result of eating well. Truthfully, some of the group are disgusted with the dieting and not seeing results on the scale--but I tell them the true results are the wonderful tools they are learning to feel great!

Well, now they are kidding me and saying next group I should be the leader. But honestly, as leader I would insist there are no weigh-ins, just monthly meetings to meet and walk by the ocean and chat about how great we are all feeling.

And I have this blog to thank for all of this.


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Rhonda Radliff said...

GOOOOOOD MOOOOOORNING Cancer Cowgirls and Cowboys!

The bone marrow and tests went well'ish. It took 'three' doses of the sleep/knock out medicine to lull me to sleep for the tests. I must have been really wired!

After the test I vaguely remember meeting with the doctors, then home to sleep. I woke up, wrote on this here blog, then back to sleep. Now I'm at work with a sore tush but feeling ok. No results for at least 10 days.

I did meet with the 'complimentary' (Read alternative) doc at the cancer center. Since I met with him for two hours and before the drugs were administered, I remember most of what he had to say. He is doing LOTS of research on cancer and different foods, spices, and alternative practices. We had a great conversation and swapped info. I can provide more later when I'm not on deadline.

Here's one 'tidbit'...
STRESS is a killer.
He gave me some clinical research info on how stress 'MAGNIFIES' the presence of cancer. During the research the group that was 'stressed' had over 200% more metastisis (sp) of the cancer. 200% more... and the 'control' group of cancer mice had more 'contained' non spreading cancer.

After two hours of information sharing, he said the NUMBER #1 thing I should do now (since I have been working on all the other factors--food, exercise, supplements, yoga, acupuncture, meditation, writing, etc.) is REDUCING STRESS!

If that isn't a commercial for ignoring the scale for awhile I dont know what is!

I suggest we 'inventory' our bodies. Where WE think we need to feel better, or improve our insides. example: My kidneys and liver need attention due to twice daily chemo. Focus on water in and water out! My upper arms need more strength to do things like... open fresh young Thai coconuts!

Let me know what Ya'll think!
Thanks for the prayers and channeling of healing wishes.

goony said...

I just want to let you all know that my FIL lost his battle with cancer this morning. Thank you for helping me through the last few months. Your support has meant the world to me.


DianneR said...


I'm so sorry about your loss. Your FIL was so lucky to have you there for him. You are a beautiful person and a blessing.


jennsfirstattempt said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing person and gave so much to make his life the best possible during a very difficult time. Take care of yourself a little too.


scnewme said...

Oh Jen, my heart goes out to you and your family. You have shared this journey with us, and I have watched and listened as you moved mountains for your beloved father-in-law. You are strong, loving and beautiful person...and you are in my prayers.


skyecat said...

Dear Jennifer,

I am very sorry about your loss. Although I am new to this, I have seen your posts about FIL, and I offer my sympathy.

Please take good care of yourself at this time.

debbiedoesraw said...

High Fives to Rhonda on a "good" bmb...lucky you, my onc apparently is in the medieval times style, no meds, ouch.. told me it would hurt for 'a few days" try two weeks...anywho...
Stress is a killer.. I am doing daily meditation with Deepak and yoga.. helps loads but there is more work to be done here....it's a journey

love deb

Rhonda Radliff said...

Hey Jennifer...
So sorry to hear about your FIL. I'm hugging you across the blue skies today. May each of your breaths be calming and comforting. Your loss is huge, but you have some amazing stories and heartfelt moments too. I'm sure your FIL is whole and perfect in his new home away from home.

Lots of love and comfort to you and yours,

joyfuljude said...


I'm so sorry. I pray you feel peace in your heart.


debbiedoesraw said...

Jennifer Goony
I am sitting here crying...I wrote you a private email. Call me anytime...even just to cry and rail at the world.

My daughter is watching me and in her 6 years of wisdom she said "Now he can meet your mom and they can be friends!" So picture your wonderful father in law frolicking with my mom in the hereafter.. see my blog when you feel up to it.. it is about my Mom.
love you big

Chris in Wyoming said...

I am so sorry.
You have honored us by sharing the journey.
Please know we are sending you healing and hugs and hope.
Chris in Wyoming

Amanda said...

kris! theres gonna be a part two? i am so excited for that! this is by far my favorite post.

shortdarkandveggie said...

Oh Goony,
I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your family.

much love,

Rebecca said...


I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. You are an incredible trooper. I've been so impressed by your dedication and perseverance throughout his illness. I'm dedicating my day to you and your family.

Love, Rebecca

totally chic girly said...

Goony ~ I am so sorry to hear of your FIL passing. You are in my thoughts.. big hugs!

Cathy ~ I too am reading Eckhart Tolle and joined the Oprah classroom. What an amazing book... wow. Would love to chat with you about it, or anyone else for that matter!!

Bav ~ welcome back girlfriend, you were missed!!!

Kris ~ a request for my name to be atop the electric altar tomorrow, please. It is my 8 week ultrasound tomorrow and I just can't wait to see how my baby is doing! Last u/s there was only a gestational sac, so I can't wait to see the growth in 2 weeks.
ALSO ~ can't wait for YOU to start on the road to Mommyville! I think that should be in the forum too... preganancy/infertility.

What an amazing post and always relevant to our time/society. A New Earth really dives into the issue of Ego and the dominance of it in society. I totally agree with you, throw away the magazines that perpetuate this "ideal". Who's ideal is it anyway?? Funny how a couple decades ago, the "ideal" was a Marilyn Monroe... and she was a size 14. Go figure.

The numbers on the scale are not who you are; they are not your Being.

Big hugs to all... Kristy

Elizabeth M. said...

Jennifer - Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. I just read and was just so sad. he was so lucky to have you to care for him and love him in this life! Please call if you can...I have a good ear. All my love and a warm hug.

Grendle said...


I'm so sorry to read about your FIL. Take time to grieve and know that you took heroic measures to help him...and he knows that, too.


Sandra Joseph said...


My heart goes out to you, sweet girl. I wish I could take away the pain you must be feeling right now. I keep thinking of all the time you spent with your FIL recently. No one could have done more for him than you did. I hope it brings you comfort to know that he truly knew how much you loved him and cared for him. I'm sure he felt the same toward you. I love Deb's image of your FIL having fun with her mom. Add my dad to the party. Lean on your blog fam during this time. Check in daily and tell us how your heart is. We will send you more virtual hugs than you can stand.

BAV! Welcome back, sistah! I, too leapt for joy when I saw your name! I'm sorry for the frustrating time you've been going through. How much easier it would be if "they" could just tell us what to do to "fix" everything. It's tough hanging out in the gray area. I think the Tolle class will be great. His stuff really helps me to stay present, which makes everything easier. Hang in there, girl. You are strong and you can do this. Funny you mentioned Pure Food and Wine; I'm going there with my best friend today at 5:30pm...first time! Can't wait to chow down.

Speaking of...Kris, oooo girl what a post! Struck a chord, huh? The first words out of my mouth this morning were "I'm fat." My husband did not agree. Men are so much easier on us than we are on ourselves, no? I've been reading through old journals (I don't recommend this!) mining for gold for the memoir. Amidst all of the pining over boys, I found this from the 7th grade: "I must lose 5-10 pounds. My current measurements are 31, 24, 32." How disturbing is that? Kris, you being a former bunhead probably completely get it. It is not about the reality of what we look like or what the scale says. It's about comparing ourselves with others and as you said, the perception we have of our bodies. I'm going to take your advice and try to stay focused on my perception, not my obsession. I am scale-o-phobic. I steer clear. I know it has too great an impact on my mood. If the number isn't a happy one, it can ruin my whole day. So, I stopped getting on it a long time ago. My biggest issue now that I'm pushing forty is not comparing myself with others but comparing myself with how I used to look, the size I used to wear, etc. I'm looking forward to reading Marianne Williamson's new book (I think she's going to be on Oprah this week talking about it) which deals with aging gracefully. My body is not going to look like it did when I was 20. And, as we've seen from my journal entry, I wasn't happy with my body when I was younger and thinner anyway! It's so easy to find fault. Since I already avoid the scale, my challenge is going to be to stop the negative talk. I promise I will not say "I'm fat" or even "I need to lose weight" for the next month. Anyone want to join me?
And I'm also doing the Tolle/Oprah class. Digging the book thus far.
Where's Callie?

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Jennifer: Hon, you did your very best. I hope time will bring healing for you and yours. We love you here. Big Hug.

Obsessedwithlife said...

Jennifer-SO sorry to hear that. Loss is never easy. We're all here for you!!


cancer cowgirl xo said...

Sandra: I have the same damn journals. I've spent the better half of my adult life unsatisfied. Add auditions and showbiz to it and voila, neurotic city! God bless our husbands - maybe they should guest blog! Everytime I say something nasty my husand gets annoyed, he doesn't act like my girlfriend and say "no, you're not, oh my god, you're soooo pretty". He just says "oh, plese not this again, I'm not even gonna comment" - gotta love that!

How's the writing going?

debbiedoesraw said...

I echo Sandra.. where is our Callie???
I called her this am...no reply yet. I am getting worried.. hope all is well.
Come Home Little Callie!

Whole_Body_Healer said...

Goony, my heart broke reading your post. What an incredible gift you gave your FIL with your love & care! I'm sure the feelings right now feel like a tsunami, but know that I am sending you healing energy to help surf the waves. May you be blessed with a blanket of love & grace. Hang in there!

Sharon said...

Sorry for the belated congrats. You did awesome on the Today show. My girls got up with me to watch.
(They were VERY impressed with your choice of clothing...of all things.) They called dad on his way to work, "Dad, we saw Kris Carr...her hair was all curled, she looked so pretty. She had on jeans and a pretty top with a really cool necklace." LOL

Clint: Thanks for the link to Kris' interview on Oprah! You made my day. I had searched Oprah's site forever trying to find the full interview but could only view the trailer. I saw the other interview you sent as well. Thanks again!


Sabrina said...

I'm whole-heartedly with you on throwing out magazines that distort the concept of a healthy "body image".

Being an emotional eater...(who Isn't??!) can be really tough. I have so many bad habits to break. I've never allowed my taste buds to adapt healthy, leafy greens, 100% whole wheat, oats/bran, etc. My papillae are HOOKED on sweets...and let me tell you...when it rains, it POURS!! I am with you on de-junking the kitchen pantry/fridge and stocking it up with heart healthy foods. Although it won't be easy to say "good-bye" to stressful eating...it is long overdue and my body is thirsty for green juices & superfood love.

I made my first green drink last night with my room-mate...(oh, the joys of college living situations)..and she loved the juicing aspect so much that she threw in way more ginger, lemon & green apples than the recipe called for. We made Dr. Oz's Green Drink (pretty sure that's your recipe, Kris) & although I know the recipes are meant to be tweaked to your liking...we got juice-happy & tossed in a little too much. I stomached 1/2 of my glassful but next time I will be sticking to the recipe. (Acidic substances like lemonade really upset my stomach.) Drinking a juice that is green will take some getting used to...but I just closed my eyes & pretended it was colored pink...it helped! =)

I'll be lookin' back through previous posts to check out websites with yummy juices!! It was lots of fun to do and I'm excited to try it again!


P.S.: Once I figure out a recipe I love I'm naming it my signature "Lawn Island Tea" (a little play on words).

Sharon said...

Can someone give me a palatable green drink recipe?
I tried straight wheatgrass and gagged until I just couldn't take it anymore! YUK!

I even added it to my fruit smoothie but I still couldn't take it. $30 down the drain (literally).

desperate for green,

librarymom said...

Bav: Welcome back! I am so sorry to hear of all the "stuff" you are going through. I think I'd do the same thing that you are doing- maintain the CSC lifestyle, give the docs an earful, and wait to see what path opens before you. These are exactly the things, come to think of it, that I did when diagnosed with brain cancer last Christmas Day. I prayed that the right path would open before me, and it did. I waited and did nothing until I was sure of which way to go.

Rhonda: Stress, yes, major problem for those of us with cancer (or trying to avoid it!). Definitely. Stress is such a huge hurdle for me as I have two kids, two jobs, canser, etc. However, I have made some changes that I hope will help ease that stress for me. Anything to reduce it is a step in the right direction!

I totally agree with the eating to be healthy idea as opposed to being obsessed with the numbers on the scale. I've always been thin and in shape so I cannot identify with this particular lament, but yes, please, let's burn the scales and pop culture images (I am doing so for my 12 year old daughter!).

Jennifer: Hugs to you and your family. What a blessing you were to him- remember that.


strongerthanit said...

Oh, Goon - Your loss is great and my heart goes out to you and your family. M

Krystle Freelove said...


Are you juicing or blending? And are you a canser cowgirl or just a CSC lifestyle follower? Here is what I juice twice a day. Its so good!...

2 heaping handfuls of spinach
1/2 cucumber
1 apple
1 orange
2 carrots
3 celery stick
1/3 romaine lettuce
1 Stevia packet

- sometimes when I have it I will add kale and kiwi.

My mom works at Starbucks and I take her a drink abour 3x a week. All of her customers ask what that nasty greenish brown cup if liquid is that she drinks. Well she poured a little into a cup and had one of them taste it. Now the GUY is going out to buy our Breville juicer and wants the recipe! Haha!

I also wanted to comment on the weight thing. You mean to tell me you dont have men telling you they want you to loose weight? Ive been dating a guy pretty seriously for a few years but we arent moving forward until I loose weight... and other factors. Sounds shallow... okay so it is a little. But this isnt for him anyway its for me! I think I do need to put my scale away. I check it 3x a day! One month? Lets do it!!

librarymom said...

One funny thing I forgot to mention. It's SO important to establish healthy eating habits with kids. What they eat at home as they grow up will be what they eat as adults (or at least help set the stage!). I was a proud Mamma the other day- my 9 year old son was in a Cub Scout meeting when his den discussed healthy eating. The den leader asked what kinds of healthy foods would be good to eat. The kids went around sharing ideas such as apples, broccoli, etc. When my son had his turn, he said that his healthy eating choices were seaweed, home made lentil sprouts, and home made green smoothies. Yippee!

Krystle said...

I just figured out how to update my photo... checking to see if it works...

Slayer said...

Hello All

Not sure if any of you remember me, I have not been here in a while. I have found out that I have gallstones and will possible have to have my gallbladder removed. I am some what nevouse about this. Any words of advice?

bav said...

The posse rocks! Thanks so much all for the love, it's been a rough few months. But I am strengthening my focus on living with canSer, not dying of canSer, now that the whirlwind medical stuff is on pause.

So first thing this morning, I went surfing in the chilly Maine ocean amidst a snow squall. My endurance is in the toilet, but I was out there, loving it, letting Mother Ocean wash away all the toxic yuck of the past few months. I am so happy to no longer be living out of the Worst Western (the awful Best Western) in Boston!!

Dee, I loved the vegetable "lasagna" and the "gnocchi" at Grezzo. For a place that has only been open for 2weeks, they were BUSY! It was so liberating to know that I could order anything on the menu without having to worry about ingredients -it's all veggies, nuts or seeds. Oh, the "cheescake" for dessert with a lavender emulsion was positively orgasmic!!

Hmm, maybe I shouldn't be talking about all this food given the blog topic - my bad. Sorry!

Becky - girl, miss you too! We need a tea party!

Jennifer - I am so sorry for the grief you and your family are experiencing. My prayers will be with you.


LolaBloom said...

Oooohh, I cannot wait for the forum! It's going to be so super great!

This blog is such an inspiration and it is so very refreshing to "meet" people who are so positive and uplifting and who have open hearts to all who come here.

Wanted to take a moment to send out some hugs and good energy to everyone today

peace, love, green juicies, hugs, puppy-tail-wags xoxoxo

Tae said...

Oh goon!

If I could hug you I would...so tight! I know there are no words. SO I will just say that we all are here and will continue to be here for you!

love you, hun!

Rebecca said...

Hi there, It's me Rebecca. I had no idea there was such a thing as National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. I don't have too much to add to the discussion. I don't own a scale. Never have. But I wanted to put up on the electric alter, my little sister-in-law, Shelby (that's her in the picture). Sadly, I never met her. She died in 1999 after years of struggling with an eating disorder. She is the daughter of beautiful canser babe Jann, who many of you met a few days ago. In some ways, it is Shelby's struggle with illness and her very difficult road through conventional Western medicine (where so often a person's soul and spirit are ignored) that has led our family to a more integrative path of healing, for canser and more. So if you do nothing else to celebrate NEDAW, keep Shelby in your hearts. She is missed.

Bav, you are one brave cookie for getting out there in the freezing Atlantic, but I suppose what you've been through recently, that's nothin'!

xxxoox Rebecca

Tae said...

Tina- I would love to get together some time! Have you ever been to the Seedling Cafe off of Main Street in Nashua? All kind of organic, veggie-riffic options there. And thank you for your kind words. Its been a tough few weeks.

I love the idea of a scale burning! Over dinner last night, I informed my husband that he could destroy ours. Like you, Kris, that machine has the ability to make or break my days. And I hit that little mechanical heroine several times a day.

Perhaps my addiction to the scale stems from my history of being the fat girl. While I'm not overweight anymore, I still struggle with my self image and the internalization that I am not that person on the outside anymore.

Slayer said...

It is strange how things stick with you. I was held back in elementry school because I broke my leg and missed a lot of school. So I was always bigger than the girls in my class. Once in junior high some guy called me lard ass. I remember that like it was 5 mins ago. For years I eat exlax or did not eat period. I have never gone for help but I meet a man that said to me once, "you are so good to others, why do you not treat yourself the same way." He also said do you think that God would be happy knowing what you are doing to the body he has given to you.

It was then something changed. I am not saying I do not think about weight everyday. It is something that never goes away but at least I can say now that I am happy with me. WOW, I can not believe I just wrote that.

I hope for strength for all of us who believe weight is what tells us we are worthy.

debbiedoesraw said...

There are many ways to make a good green juice...wheat grass ...not so easy for some.
I do have a new wheatgrass powder that I am using.. it tastes really good. If you want some email me at mom2samnjaz@sbcglobal with a mailing address and I will send you a sample... I have a few more.
Here is a good green juice that I do daily:
One fuji or granny smith apple
one small lemon with peel on
one inch of ginger
Handful of the following greens.. your choice:
swiss chard
bok choy
romaine (very mild in flavor)
pea shoot sprouts or sunflower sprouts
1/4 red bell pepper
2 carrots
2 celery stalks

It is like Dr Oz.. I love lemon and ginger so I add more... also, if it is too strong just dilute it with coconut water... very yummy!
Good luck

Whole_Body_Healer said...

RHonda, glad to hear things went pretty well'ish! How great that you have a doc who's open to the other dimensions of healing you are pursuing & actually dialoguing with you...that's super!

I agree with the comments about STRESS! And many dimensions to this idea of STRESS! How much flow do we allow of our emotions? Do we hold in/repress aspects of ourselves because of fears or beliefs that those things aren't appropriate or will result in rejection or some other distress? My sense is it is not the emotions themselves, but the fact that we hold them in, block them from expression, minimize them, invalidate them, deny & repress them, both consciously & unconsciously. Also the mental perspectives/beliefs & judgements that we've acquired thru life experience that tell us to rein in aspects of our emotional expression, or who we are for that matter. This arresting of energy manifests in physical stress & eventually all the system compensations can no longer cope & some damn bursts somewhere! And the comment about magnifying cancer 200%...well, yeah, the system is already in compensation mode trying to do it's best to minimize the impact of the cancer.

Then there's the idea of presence. How much do we "live" in the future or the past of life, worrying about what could happen vs. being in the now? I think the challenge of dealing with something like cancer confronts us with that mode of being, big time. This is a major challenge & the worry & fear, being in the past or the future can take on megalithic proportions. And when the emotion comes, do we let it out, do we let it flow? The journey can be such a rollercoaster & filled with such ups & downs. Can we listen to our bodies and rest when we need it & not keep pushing thru, when our body says, "I'm getting pooped!"? Can we lighten the load, so wer'e not overwhelmed? And yes, "does my liver or kidney need some extra attention/TLC?" Can we be present with what is, including feeling what might be welling up inside us?

So much to consider?! The cancer journey certainly delivers up a huge range of opportunities/challenges for healing!

Whole_Body_Healer said...

Another interesting dimension to Stress. I saw this fascinating program on NOVA the other day NOVA | Ghost in Your
Genes | PBS

It's about epigenetics. My paraphrasing of how they explained it...it's the software that tells your cells how to function & to turn various genes on or off. They did some amazing experiments with rats or mice (can't remember exactly) where they did before & after measurements of genetic info & various tracking tests, like hormones, etc, to see what the difference was with little baby mice that didn't receive physically nurturing, licking, attentiveness from Mamma. What they found was that the ones who lacked the nurturing attention had higher levels of stress reactions & hormones in them than the nurtured ones to stress stimuli. Their initial experiences with "stress" (lack of nurturance) coded their epigenome differently!

WOW, fascinating. This & lots of other interesting stuff on the program, suggested that this epigenetic layer can & is influenced to change & thus change the corresponding function of the cell, by various external & internal forces (including STRESS of various forms)...of course, lots to still learn here.

In the context of cancer, epigenetics can switch on/off things like oncogenes, tumor suppressor genes. Part of the exploration is finding what types of cancer are responsive to epigenetic therapy.

Now, here's an interesting thing they showed. Dr. Jean-Pierre Issa, at MD ANDERSON Cancer Center, has done some initial work with MDS & AML leukemias with a drug called decitabine. Here's his response about the results: "Our most recent results, which are based on treatment of over 100 patients, are very encouraging. Spectacular results, complete remissions, complete disappearance of the disease can be seen in almost half of the patients that receive this drug, decitabine, with MDS or the closely related disease, Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. And another 25 percent of the patients have shown some improvements. It still does not work in a small proportion of patients. Some patients do not respond to the drug early on. And some patients respond to the drug for a finite period of time and then stop responding. But we can help the majority of patients who first see this drug—quite a remarkable finding for a single drug that is now given to older people as outpatient therapy." They showed an older woman with a full, boufant hairdo, receiving this drug (I guess to show no hair loss!). Side effects were reported as significantly less. They are also starting to do some testing with solid tumors.

Here's a short summary of the concept of the therapy. NOVA | Ghost in
Your Genes | Epigenetic Therapy | PBS

"Q: So when you say epigenetic therapy, you're not going in and trying to kill the cancer cells. What are you trying to do?

Issa: The idea of epigenetic therapy is to stay away from killing the cell. Rather, what we are trying to do is diplomacy, to change the instructions of the cancer cells. You see, cancer cells start out as normal cells. They have the set of instructions that is present in every one of our cells.

In the process of becoming cancer, a lot of these instructions are forgotten because specific genes that regulate the behavior of a cell are turned off by epigenetics. And epigenetic therapy really aims at reminding the cell that, "Hey, you're a human cell, you shouldn't be behaving this way." And we try to do that by reactivating genes, by bringing back the expression of these genes that have been silenced in the cancer cell and letting those genes do the work for us.

"Our most recent results, which are based on treatment of over 100 patients, are very encouraging."

Q: Compared to standard chemotherapy, what are the side effects of epigenetic therapy?

Issa: The standard way of developing drugs in oncology is to take a drug and give it at the highest possible dose that will not kill the patient. The key really has been the realization that you don't need to do that for epigenetic-acting drugs. All you need is to give enough of it to change the epigenetic patterns in the cancer cells to have a therapeutic effect. Therefore, we have backed down substantially from the very toxic doses of these drugs to doses that right now, we are very happy to say, have very minimal side effects."

Sounds very interesting! And while the current state of epigenetics doesn't explain all the mechanisms or all that's effected, it does seem to indicate that many things can effect this epigenetic layer, both negatively & positively. If something like stress can flip certain switches, why not inner peace, centerdness, GREEN juices, veggies (great nutrition!), exercise, flow, etc. flip them in a positive direction?! I don't mean airy-fairy, woo, woo...just all the various dimensions of healing.

It would be interesting to see if people who have stabilized their disease or who are in remission, if their epigentics changed as well...I guess they are headed there...

just t said...

Debbie- I got the wheatgrass samples, thank you. Hubby and I love it, really ! Can we buy it through you ? Could you give me some prices ? Thank you tina

p.s.thank you too for the juice recipe, it sounds great ! when do you drink that and the wheatgrass ? And how much of the wheatgrass do you drink a day ? again thanks for your time. t

Whole_Body_Healer said...

I have been all over the map with my weight. After my 1st tumor debulking surgery, I lost about 30ish pounds. In my 2nd surgery, when they put my plumbing back together (reversing my colostomy), I lost about another 30ish pounds, and since then have gained about 15 lbs back. These big changes have shown me that me that I am still me, even though I can look radically different, physically. When I did chemo, I gained some weight from the steroids, and it wasn't the pounds per se that I noticed, but more that I didn't feel as good. As soon as I started excersising, I started feeling better & the weight shifted.

So yesterday, as I had just skimmed the various postings, and I was reading my "In Defense of Food", while doing my evening plumbing/wheatgrass implants, I had a wondering that came to mind. It's not in the same context of scales, but possibly relevant just the same...so, with some trepedation I share it.

I'm sure this doesn't apply across the board, but the wondering was this....What about the possibility that weight gain, fat accumulation might indicate the need for some cleansing/detoxing?

It's been said that when our liver is overloaded with processing toxins & such, it tries to sock away toxins in fat when it can't process them & move em out. And I know the other system detox players, like our lungs, skin, lymph, kidneys, & colon contribute, but it seems that the liver is certainly one of the main players that can make the toxin/fat storage call, especially if the colon has gotten sluggish/clogged.

Now mind you, this isn't to say, scale reading up=fat=toxin overload, BUT (no punn intended!) is the idea of our body being in need of cleansing/detox a possibility, especially if we don't feel so great? And that cleansing might come in various forms, exercise, dry brushing, saunas, breathwork, emotional, spiritual work, stress reduction, etc...and of course cleansing, colonics, enemas?.

It seems that's there's at least 2 major pathways in healing; nurturing and cleansing/detoxing: both, on many levels-physically, emotionally, mentally, & spiritually.

So just a consideration to add into the discussion.

Jillian said...

Jennifer- I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughs and pryers.

Slayer-I worked for a doctor who did many gallbladder removals. Is yours being done laproscopicaly (my spelling sucks)? With gall stones or any gallbladder disease, it's best to lay off fat. There isn't any cure for it that I know of, but recovery time for the surgery is only a week or two if there are no complications- and there rarely are. It is a pretty routine surgery- so stay positive!


Whole_Body_Healer said...

A few last comments...I am reading Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth as well.

I live near SFO & one of the raw places I go out to eat at occassionally is Cafe Gratitude. One of the things they do is to name all their dishes & drinks with affirmations, like "I am Rejuvenated", "I am Passionate", etc. So with that inspiration, I named my fav green drink "I am Vibrantly Alive". With the work that's been done showing that words effect the energy of water (both positively & negatively) & we are mostly water...this seemed like a powerful quantum thing to do.

In addition, every day I take a drink of water from my glass bottle of TRUST (etched in the glass).

These positive affirmations help me to practice being more & more in the positive, affirmative direction of life & remind me of all the positive steps I'm taking in my healing journey every day.

Becky said...

SO SO SO good to hear the strength in your voice, Bav. yeehaw.

I am off on a brief trip but you're making me want to get in the water. Haven't gone since Jan! I'll keep you posted.

I am going skiing for a couple of days. trying to get away from tumors and chemo and canser. won't find me out there!

take care everyone. thanks for being so positive and offering so much great information and just reaffirming life for me

Anne said...

Oh, Goony. What sad, sad news . . . Hugs to you and your family.

Cravin' Veggies said...

Goony: I am so sorry. He was very lucky to have you fighting with/for him. Know that he will be with you, looking after you always.

Rebecca: Your SIL was beautiful. We'll keep her in our thoughts.

BAV: All I can say is... Brrrrrrr.

Kris: Thanks for your comment, love. You are a ray of sunshine!

Rhonda: Glad your BMB went 'well.'

And just an electric altar request if I may... my BIL had surgery today to repair a leak in his artificial heart valve. They found they had to do a by-pass while they were in there, and also that he has pulm. hypertension. So he will have a rough few days ahead of him and can use as many prayers as possible.


debbiedoesraw said...

just t and all wheatgrass folks:
I am working on getting the wheatgrass wholesale for us.. I will know more soon...there are 66 paks in box. If I flatten the box and take the paks out I can ship it priority for around 4.00. Update soon on my blog!

I do wheatgrass on rising, at noon and at bed, one pack ea time in 12oz water. I juice around 8:30am, then later I do a green smoothie or another juice in the afternoon or eve.

Hope that helps... experimenting is fun with juice and green smoothies and all raw foods!

Obsessedwithlife said...

Slayer-My gall bladder was shriveled up and full of stones a few years ago and they had to take it out. They did it lapriscopically and it wasn't bad-I went to a concert (in a wheelchair) the next day. My scars are so tiny you can barely see them. It came out through my belly button. LOL.

Good luck...visit me at my blog if you want to chat more!!


Kimberly said...

Hi everyone, I have been lurking for a while (thanks to a friend of mine for sending me the link). I am finally posting! I am so moved by all of you. I have been having some health issues also and am finally getting some answers instead of nothing. It's a great feeling. Since I started visiting this site I feel "normal". Like I am not crazy for the way I have been feeling. You all are great support.

Now on this weight topic, I too am obsessed with the scales and it can be such a downer. My sister and I have decided we need to spend more time together so starting this week we are going to get together at least once a week and go to the gym. This way we can stay close and help our bodies.

Also thanks to Sandra I am going to try my first green juice this week! Tomorrow I am hitting the store to stock up! Our house has been slowly increasing our organic foods but I think it's time to make the change. All your recipes sound delicious.

I am in on the challenge. for one month I will not say I need to lose weight, or worry about the scale. This extra 60 lbs can stay or leave and I will still be happy with myself! I am looking forward to that!

just t said...

jennifer- I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart just breaks for you. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. love, tina

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Slayer: Before you remove anything you may be able to do a gallbladder flush. Push those suckers right out. I've removed many a stone and so have lots of other folks. You can get more info from Hippocrates, Tree of life, Jubb's longevity. Its fairly easy. Might be worth a try before you yank it. That's my 2 (non-doctor, normal civilian) cents.

Debbie: Remember, fresh wheatgrass can never be duplicated, ever. I am sure this product is good but the grass is far better. Brian Clement would tell you that the powder is dead. Ann wigmore used fresh juice to heal herself and others, its the foundation of the Hippocrates method. Many other healing centers (such as optimum health and ann wigmore in Puerto Rico as well as Tree of Life) use it too. IF you can, use both. I definitely don't want to bum you out about it. But, supplements are still supplements, not the main course. Again, my 2 cents. I'd love to not have to juice it too, but I do as much as I can. I use the green vibrance, chlorella, power powder and Quintessence daily, along with 16-32 oz of juice and now that Crystal is doing wheatgrass twice a day - so am I. YUCK. I get my mats at a loval store and I have a delivery service. Used to grow - no longer- no time. Also, I up my powers when I travel - I'm loaded with ammo AND essential oils everytime I set foot on a plane. xo

countryliving said...

Hi Everyone,
I am sorry if this topic has come up before but is there a recommendation out there for the best juicer? My husband and I have done many searchs on the net and we are still confused. Greenstar vs. Omega 8005? We are looking to upgrade from our old one. Any help would be wonderful.
peace and blessings to you all!

debbiedoesraw said...

Hey Kris
I have thought of that.. that it is powdered...they say it is cold dried... not heated but still not the same exact thing as fresh, I agree. I guess I just want to take something as the wheatgrass I juiced made me naseous and grossed out.. never happened to me before I had my omega! I will do further research on it. Green vibrance gives me .. ehm.. the runs.. not sure why?
Thanks for your advice, I do appreciate it!

Michelle J said...

Hi Kris and folks...Kris thanks for responding to my long winded listing of my menu! I totally hear you on the avocados and nut butter. It's so very hard though! I was running today with my pediatrician friend and she too used the work "plateau"..so when you say mix up exercise, you mean cross train or run more or run less or what? I'll do whatever it takes at this point! Well, not really anything but something...Ok, i'm rambling...Oh, Kris..question...is green vibrance similiar to vitamineral green? where do you get it? also what is power powder? cool name whatever it is!!! And quintessence, isn't that the name of a raw food restaurant??? Confusion is slowly setting in! It's almost bedtime i'm afraid. Thanks love! I love you all!

Rhonda Radliff said...

Hey dudes and dudettes...
Here are a couple of books that may help in the juicing recipes, gallbladder, detox, wheatgrass discussions: (at least I found these books helpful)

1) Rainbow Green Live Food Cuisine (Cousens)
2) Conscious Eating (Cousens)
3) Green for Life (Boutenko)
4) Raw Food Real World
5) Cleanse and purify thyself (there are several books in this series)

I agree with Kris on trying the gallbladder flush before something so final as surgery. HOWEVER, I am not a doc and don't even play one on tv. There are circumstances where an old fashioned flush is not helpful (something about the size and location of the stones... i don't know.) Check with your doc once you have the 'recipe' for the flush. It's good to at least inform yourself with information and questions for your doc.

The 'Rainbow Green Live Food Cuisine' book is great and has been a wonderful source for starter recipes that I then adapt as my fresh ingredients may vary.

My daughter requests the same kale salad every day! It's kale and broccoli with lemon, salt, olive oil and thin sliced carrots and green onions. We then use a dressing that is divine with coconut water, cashews, flax seed, jalapeno, dates, cilantro, and green onion. It's YUMMY!

Jenny said...

Well, I do relate to gaining weight for no apparent reason. After chemo & a hysterectomy....and several other surgeries, procedures & 2 more rounds of chemo I am not overweight, but every time I go to the doctor's office (every 2 wks) I have gained a few more pounds. I am in pain and exercise doesn't work for me right now. I eat well most of the time, but it is still creeping! I owned a scale breifly years ago, but threw it out once I had daughters.
Everyone please keep me in your prayers for Monday...I am having a liver ablation in the morning. I spoke w/ the surgeon for a phone consult today & I really like him & what he had to say, but a lot of it freaked me out too....risks, the possibility of it not working, etc. Also, in hospital "at least 1 night" and bed rest for 5 days, clear liquid diet for 2 days, etc. etc. Yuck! I know I am ok, and I will continue to be ok, but I am freaking out!
It doesn't help that I have problems w/ the treatment I get someties at my onc. office. I spoke up at last appt. & dr. was very nice, then went in treatment room for chemo & nurse went to give me someone elses chemo. Thank God I was awake, and that it looked so different from what I usually get! Other nusrse yelled across treatment room..."Jen, why is Dr. M starting you back on chemo?" What the hell? Some privacy please..this was in front of a room full of patients. I just have issues w/ every dr. I go to...I've switched my onc. several times....it starts to make me feel like I'm crazy...no one else switches! I have decided to keep speaking up & watching that I get the right treatment...at least for now I am staying put. It is so stressful though...I usually am very positive & am a big believer in humor therapy...I had treatment this Monday & I've been a basketcase ever since....now having this surgery Monday...I'm a bit of a mess...just want it to all go away!
Thank you all for being here!
Everyone eat something yummy for me on Monday & don't worry about the scale! I'll be sucking on ice chips...hooo-ray!

granola said...

Oh my Jennifer Goony McCartney,
I am SO SO SORRY for the loss of your FIL! You worked so tirelessly and selflessly to help him. You were so graciously sharing your experience with us all, I feel like I was there with you. Your post today just tugged at my heart. I had a feeling something was wrong when I didn't see a comment from you yesterday. Lots of love and prayers your way! You are a gift to the human race!

OK, I have a wonderful idea! In the spirit of "random acts of kindness," spread your positive energy by telling someone how beautiful they are and why. The positive aura is amazing. You just feel better about yourself when you spread positive feelings. So, that is my proposal. Pick somebody you care about & tell him/her how beautiful & special they are.

In my opinion, as Oprah would say, "Live your best life"--to me that means taking care of yourself by living a healthy life & giving of yourself to the extent you are able.

Whole Body Healer--I saw that NOVA special--it was amazing and a MUST SEE! The epigenome research is amazing!

Bav--So glad to see you back! Loved your comment about the ocean.

Witness--I didn't get a chance to comment on your post yesterday--but I completely agree with the "not looking in the mirror" and "forgiving yourself" thing.

So many posts, I read them all & positive energy to you all!

Peace, healthy self, & healthy planet to all!

Dr.Sue said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your father-in-law's passing.
Girl, you did a fantastic job trying to help him. You gave him so much support, he loved you for that, I'm sure. I don't know that a lot of people would step up the way you did. You & your husband are in my prayers.

I too use wheatgrass powder & like Deb said, I know it's not the same as fresh. I guess nothing really compares to fresh of any kind, does it? Yet, most of us spend money on supplements even though we know our foods can supply us. Granted, the quantity of food we'd need to eat to get some minerals & some vitamins may not make sense. I figure until I get my act totally together, powdered will have to do for now.

So glad to read your posts. You are truly awesome! It sounds like you're doing the best thing for yourself at this time. Please keep us posted. I got the menu for Grezzo in an e-mail. I'm on Alissa Cohen's email list. She says the restaurant will change the menu every week. She teaches certification classes for a raw instructor. You probably already know this. If she was in my town, I'd go. I've been to one in Mpls., not from her, but from the chef at Ecopolitan, the raw food restaurant in my town (when I'm there for 7 months). It is fabulous. I'm jealous, I'd love to try Grezzo.
xoxo Sue

Whole_Body_Healer said...

Jenny, I saw/switched oncologists 4 times. My 1st oncologist told me I would die if I didn't do chemo. I think a sense of resonance with whoever you work with, in their various areas of specialty is important, and very glad to hear you feel comfortable with the person doing the liver ablation. Good luck & may you have the best possible outcome.

scnewme said...

Hmmm, where could Miss Callie be? I do hope all is ok...miss you Callie, please check in!

Deb - have you heard anything?

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Deb: I take supplements also - tons of them (whole food only gang).

Truth be told, I hate WG. No matter how hard I try it makes me gag. I too would love to see your wheatgrass powder! You rule and you always do your homework in a MAJOR way so I'm sure it's TERRIFIC. All the advice you share here is solid. It definitely gets the Crazy Sexy Good House Keeping Seal of Approval, so does your blog.
PS. I wish Green Vibe would do that for me! I have the opposite issues girrrl. Nough said. :)

Good night all, Part 2 in the AM...
We may even need a part 3 next week. This was a huge post!

Amanda said...

kris! so excited for part two! i think i said that already? i'm so glad you made this post and it's out there and tackling some of the issues head on.

where oh where are miss dee and miss callie? does anybody know?

Jenny said...

Whole Body Healer -

Thank you! I switched onc. 3x when my orig. onc left the practice...I tried almost all of the other docs there & none worked for me. In Sept. I switched to one outside of that practice & I really do like him & what he has to say, his treatment plan, etc. but there is always something that really freaks me out...like what I mentioned about the nurse starting to give me someone else's chemo! Also, I've waited 3 1/2 hrs in the waiting room on more than one occassion. I know we all have to deal w/ this. I belong to a support group & all of the women are horrified about these things & think I shouldn't tolerate it. I have started speaking up more, but I don't want to keep switching - how would I know anyone is any different? I met this dr first....didn't wait long for that appt., met the nurses, etc. & decided to switch.....then the problems started. It is frustrating!

I do like the dr. who is doing my ablation on Mon. I was very freaked out, but something occurred to me last night....I have a lot of pain from the tumor in my liver....and most likely at least some of that will be gone after I heal from the procedure! That does help a lot! I feel better focusing on that.

Does anyone have any suggestions diet-wise for me to prepare for surgery on my liver?

The Butterfly Temptress said...

Like so many others, I thought that when chemo started I might actually lose some of the excess weight. Boy was I in for a surprise! Not only have I lost minimal weight, the doctor tells me that my being overweight has actually made the chemo/radiation process easier for me to handle and to STOP hoping for weight loss when I visit the office weekly.

How's that for a different attitude towards a fat chick?!

Now, about those salads...

Slayer said...

Thanks so much everyone for all the posts. The thing that perplexs me about all this is that I do not eat much fat. The only place I get fat from is cheese. I do not eat meat or fast food or put a lot of sauses on my foods. I eat 10 to 15 veg a day if not more and at least 5 fruits a day. The only things I have been eating lately is organic veg broth, whole wheat bread, bananas. I am so missing my veg and fruit but I am scared to try anything because the pain is severe. I tried boiled potatoes last night and I have not had pain yet so I am really happy.

Does any one have a flush receipt? Does it hurt?

cancer cowgirl xo said...

Slayer: Bring that question to the next blog BUT check out the places I mentioned. Tree of life has an easy one. You need to do your research and chat with your doctor. It doesn't hurt at all. Call Jubb's Longevity in nyc too. You basically cleanse a little and on flush day drink a glass of olive oil and lemon. This makes your gallbladder contract and push out the stones (through your poo). The stones are soft. Again, I'm not your doctor I just want to make you aware of other options. Try googling it, you'll read a heck of a lot.

Slayer said...

Thanks so much Kris for your help.

You truely have blessed us all with your help and love.

Sharon said...

Krystle and Debbie,

Thank you for the recipes for green juices.
Now I need to get the juicer.
I was experimenting with just wheatgrass frozen powder or whatever it was that I got from "THe Wheatgrass King" (I think was his name).
Anyway, this looks yummy.

Deb, I"d be very interested in whatever you come up with for wheatgrass. Keep us posted.


SolShine7 said...

My friend told me about Ezekiel bread. She raves about its yummyness.

Good post!

Kendra Chesney said...

Hi! Kris,

I noticed your favorite books might be cook books. Do you have any stevia cook books? I found an equivalency chart to exchange sugar for stevia at www.sweetleaf.com under "Recipes".
I love your energy Kris! Keep Smiling!

Georg, Stephanie & Liam said...

My diversity professor always would say " Look at yourselves in the mirror naked, and try to make no one judgement." Lets try this.....

Thank you for your motivating blog,this is the first place I go when I can't call my cousin Jayne, or my friend in Europe. Thank you!